Changing My Blueprint

Why the Scale Isn't Everything...

2012-02-10T18:41:00.003-06:00

In having a conversation with a friend tonight who recently began her weight loss journey, we were discussing the scale and I was complaining that I have been in the 180s forEVER! I also complained this morning to my friend Meggan, and earlier this week to my friend Beth.

I'm sure my friends are sick and tired of hearing me complain about it. In the interest of keeping said friends, I've been trying to readjust my mindset about it.

The scale is important in that you should weigh within a certain "range." Is it the antiquated BMI range? Not necessarily. But you probably have your own healthy weight you are reaching for and that's good (your doctor can help establish it too if they aren't so fuddy-duddy and BMI-chart-gospel). That's why I only have the main "scale" goal to lose weight in increments and I only record my weight weekly, sometimes bi-weekly if I have an off week or its my bloat week...but my other goals involve overall health, like my BMI, body fat %, healthy eating, and athletic endeavors.

I'm working into understanding and fully owning that I cannot focus so much on the scale as it has been consuming me lately (pun intended).

The most frustrating part about the scale, is that it might not move, but then my clothes show a difference and I can see a difference in the mirror!

I began the 180s as a solid size 14. I am now a size 12, and can fit into several items (dresses and jeans) that are size 10. So while I've been in the 180s for 6 month (geez already, right?) I am still shrinking physically.

If you've been following my blog, you know that I recently began a new workout schedule. Still running several days a week, but have begun focusing on other endurance sports like Boot Camp and Zumba. Both of these activities are making me train my upper body in a way I almost never have consistently since I am a runner primarily, especially Boot Camp. I have seen a visible difference in my chest, back and arms in just a few weeks!

RECENT NON-SCALE VICTORIES:

1) At Zumba on Wednesday night, I caught a glimpse of myself when I had my arms in the air and was jumping - I did a double take and decided the glass must be messed up as I looked slender! Then I saw the woman to my right and her reflection was exact.

2) Wearing my size 10 jeans on a date with my husband.

3) Putting on a size 10 dress and rocking it (below).

4) Someone gasping when I mentioned being overweight and saying, "You are SO not overweight." And it wasn't a "friend" who might feel they needed to say it - lol.

5) My good friend tonight commented on the same; she said she has seen my shape change drastically in the last 6 months.

So while I am not settling for staying in the 180s forever, I am realizing that I might not have 20 more pounds of FAT to lose that won't be replaced, in some part, by MUSCLE. GASP. What if I end up in the 170s at 5'6? Preposterous! Well, if my body fat percentage ends up being below 25% then the BMI chart can take a long stroll of a short pier!

Not to mention changing the landscape of your body takes time. I should know.

I'm not losing this weight quickly; I never have. And I think that is part of why I don't have a bunch of skin leftover, especially with my muscle development. I'm excited that I likely will never have to have a skin removal surgery to get my body to look how I want it to.

Because I'm not trying to be bone thin. I'm working on being fit, strong, and I'm totally fine with having fabulous muscles. Not necessarily body builder looking, but I'm good with some toned arms and legs, and I'd like my stomach to be as flat as possible (giving up on concave, ok?). Oh, and for my butt and my thighs to have a clear beginning and end. :)

It helps that I don't "look" like I weigh 180 something. People tell me that all the time when I share my weight (part of why I don't mind sharing my number - ha!). What do you think?

So if the scale hasn't been your friend lately, don't stress too much about it, ok? As long as you are working hard and feeling stronger, your body WILL change with time IF your nutrition is on point as well. I posted a recent link to my facebook page to an article about "malnubesity" which is a sort of made up term about people who eat small amounts of crappy food (i.e. fried, sugary, white flour, etc.) and even though their caloric intake may be low, they will not lose weight as they are nutrient starved. Think about WHAT you are eating...and of course, how much, but WHAT is almost more vital to begin with to be sure you are getting the nutrition you need.

I'm down to 30% body fat. I started at 56% body fat! I've almost cut that in half. I'm incredibly proud of that, and happy. Averages online say between 25-31% is considered average. I'd like to get below 25% into the "fitness" range.

I'm excited to check my body fat % a month from now when I've been at this new crazy workout schedule for 6 weeks. No matter what the scale says then, if that number changes, and my size continues to shrink, I will be a HAPPY girl.

Find your happy in something OTHER than the scale this week, ok? My happy in the form of yet another non-scale victory came yesterday when I ran my 2 miles in the morning after a crazy workout schedule the night before and my legs felt STRONG not tired.

Make friends with your scale weekly if you must, but don't let a daily step up create a meltdown in your mood or routine. Celebrate those "non-scale" victories, like wearing that new dress finally, zipping up the next size down jeans, realizing your legs don't rub together like they used to. They are many if you'll pay attention to more than just the number. Keep on keeping on!

I plan to!

~Clara

Month 1 Down, 11 to Go!

2012-01-31T19:55:00.002-06:00

Well, here we are folks. At the end of the first month of the year. This day is pretty important. I mean, if you look at the goals you accomplished in January, I think it sort of sets the tone for the rest of the year.

And my 2012 looks pretty stinking AWESOME right now.

I did a true "last chance workout" yesterday, knowing it was the last day of the month and my big weigh in was near. I ran intervals in the morning with a friend, then did an hour of Zumba and an hour of Boot Camp last night. Yes, I am thoroughly physically exhausted...but it was SO worth it! I ran a few miles this morning before I weighed in.

My goal for January was to reach 185 again. I had gained some weight over the holidays and felt like I was going to be stuck forever in the 180s.

Well today I weighed 182.2.

This is the lowest I have weighed in 12 years.

WOW! That's exactly how I felt. And still feel. The end of the 180s is near.

So then I was faced with a quandary, do I completely redo my goals or do I keep my goals and adjust the dates? My goals are pretty fun as they are all tied to something, and are all even numbers. I'm afraid to leave them as is, because that means I may not work as hard to stay on track if I know I have some wiggle room. Yep, I can totally do that to myself. This is why setting goals that mean something, and are actually attainable is so important.

You will absolutely not achieve something you don't think you can achieve. I can promise you that.

Here are my adjusted goals:

Goals - 2012
Weight (starting weight 192.6 after holidays)	Deadline	Actual
185 pounds - 100 pounds lost (recoup after holidays)	1/31/2012	182.2 GOAL EXCEEDED!
180 pounds - wedding weight (105 pounds lost)	2/14/2012
175 pounds - high school grad weight (110 pounds lost)	3/13/2012
170 pounds - less than my hubby (115 pounds lost)	4/10/2012
165 pounds - GOAL weight (120 pounds lost)	5/8/2012
Body Fat % less than 25%	3/31/12
Track food consistently (Body Bugg food log)	Ongoing	Ongoing
Exercise (or do something active) 6 days/week (BB)	Ongoing	Ongoing

If you compare to my goals at the start of the year here you will see I've adjusted some of my dates. It would be easy to cop out and say, well, I am just ahead of schedule and will stay that way. Well, I have decided I am on a roll and not stopping.

I'm joining Courtney's Studio and plan on hitting up boot camp at least once a week - maybe even twice when I can in addition to Zumba classes. And I'll keep running.

I know a huge part of my success this month is due to having started up at Courtney's studio, as I have pushed my body to a new limit. It was time for me to shake things up a bit and change up my routine. I'm hoping this will push me to lose this last 20 pounds or so of fat so I can then determine my next, longer term goals.

I am sitting here about 17 pounds from my original goal weight. From 120 pounds lost. I almost can't believe it.

But how sore my muscles are feeling is telling me I can believe it.

Take a trip down memory lane with me and read my back story posted in February 2010 here. As I round this bend here I'm so thankful to have been where I have been. And to be heading where I am heading.

Life is good.

Remember that post about Choosing Your Hard? Well...my hard is working. And yep, its hard alot of the time. But nowhere near as hard as it was to be unhealthy. Two years will pass like the blink of an eye. It has for me. I'm glad I started when I did. It's never too late to change your own blueprint! What are you waiting for?

~Clara

Choose Your Hard

2012-01-27T21:59:00.001-06:00

I have seen this quote a few times; I can't seem to find where it came from, if you know, then let me know and I'll cite it...

Losing weight is HARD.

Maintaining weight is HARD.

Being fat is HARD.

CHOOSE your HARD.

This healthy lifestyle thing is by no means the easiest thing I've ever done. But weighing 285 pounds wasn't exactly a picnic either.

Let's compare.

Hard was: not being able to bathe my 5 year old daughter.

Hard was: not being able to buckle my seatbelt on the airplane.

Hard was: trying to find something in a size 22-24 that didn't make me look fat.

Hard was: seeing myself in pictures and believing that was actually me.

Hard was: smiling on the outside when I felt terrible, physically and emotionally, on the inside.

This picture still takes my breath away. I didn't recognize myself in the white shirt when I saw it. That was hard.

The results of the above hardships were leading me to being on cholesterol medication, alienating myself from my baby girl, continued and building self-loathing and eventually some very serious health complications. That would have been really hard.

Now my hard looks alot different.

Hard is: making healthy choices when people around me eat the foods of my past.

Hard is: being sore. Just about every day, some muscle is aching.

Hard is: missing family time to get another workout in.

Hard is: getting up at 5am and going outside in 20 degree weather to get a run in before work.

Hard is: being between underwear sizes.

My before picture July 2009...and September 2011 after a hard race.

I have chosen my hard. Every day for the last two and a half years. And while it is hard, no lie, sometimes there are days that it is easier than others. I have learned to enjoy how hard it can be; challenging my body to do more, work harder, sweat more. Knowing that sweat is my fat crying fuels me on to push myself to a new limit with every workout.

Why would anyone choose this hard?

Hard was running my fastest 5k (3.1 miles) in 32:16 (first race finished in 44:27).

Hard was running my first 10k race (6.2 miles), without stopping.

All that hard work led to me buckling the airplane seatbelt...and having plenty of room to spare.

All that hard work has led me to trade in my size 24 jeans for size 10 (and shrinking).

That's why I will continue to choose THIS hard. The healthy eating, challenging workout schedule, pushing myself to achieve things I never imagined I could kind of hard.

I wouldn't have it any other way. The sweat, tears, sprains, strains and imperfect journey that I've had. It has all been worth it. And so I'll press on.

Which hard are you choosing?

~Clara

Working it Out

2012-01-21T15:26:00.001-06:00

I think everyone's workout schedule needs to be challenged every now and then. This past week I pushed myself to the limit, and was really surprised with what my body was physically capable of doing.

You've heard me say that 90% of running is mental. Physically, we can do more than we *think* we can. But unless we believe it, we aren't likely to try it.

Last week I blogged about the new studio I was using for Zumba. {Courtney's Studio} I have really enjoyed the intensity of the classes I've attended. This past Monday I did Zumba after work, and I had already run a few miles that morning. I ran intervals with my friend Tuesday morning, and then Wednesday packed my clothes to do Zumba Toning. It is just like Zumba but you hold weights the entire time. Towards the end of the class I felt a burst of energy, which I thought was weird. After class I was chatting with Courtney and realized there was another class starting in a few minutes. Boot Camp.

No one officially dared me to do it. I mean, I just completed an hour of Zumba with weights, using the heavier sticks.

But I wondered, can I hang? Can I do it?

I decided to give it a try. After getting my class card punched I noticed the board that had instructions for what we would be doing that night. We headed outside and I gulped. Wow. I really don't think I can do this. Am I crazy?

Here is what a round looked like:

A 1/4 mile run around the building, then 15 jumps up and down from a 2 ft concrete landing. Next, we were to caterpillar crawl (pushup position on a curb, then walking down the curb, about 40 feet, two times). Next, 40 tricep dips, 80 kicks (same position as the tricep dip but on the ground - I can only kick one leg at a time and not fast), then 15 x squat jacks.

That was round 1. We did 4 rounds.

After round 1, I really wasn't sure I could physically continue. But I did. At that point, muscles were spent, but it was mind over matter. And I was going to finish.

After the fourth round, we had more to do inside - AH! We did these crazy dive bomber pushups, where you have your butt in the air, then you go down into pushup position but pull up, almost like a sun salutation in yoga, and hover for 10 seconds. My arms were SCREAMING. I literally felt my arm bones shaking. After a round of those, we ran across the room and did 30 jumping jacks, then ran back and did more pushups, 100 crunches, ran again, jumping jacks again, ran back, more pushups. I mean, literally I wanted to lay out on the floor.

We ended with a Zumba song - some guys attend the boot camp and were cracking on Zumba - so Courtney showed them it wasn't easy...and we got props then for doing both classes in a row.

That was one of the hardest 2 hours of my LIFE! But I felt so accomplished afterward. Really there should be an "I survived boot camp" t-shirt. I would so buy one. Sweat wicking material of course...

I ran Thursday morning as much as my sore quads would let me. I took yesterday off of exercise.

This morning I did Tae Bo for 45 mins, burning around 400 calories. I needed more of a burn and wondered, hmmm, could I run after that? I headed outside with my puppy and gear and decided, "I'm going to run 5k today." Mind you, I've only hit 5k once since before Christmas! I wanted to stop a few times, but I kept going. I ran that 5k. Slower than my personal record, but I did it!

I believed I could do it. And I did. SO much of this journey, the eating well, the exercise, everything, is successful based MOSTLY on how willing you are to believe you can do it.

So I've decided I will have 3 days/week that I "double down" on my workouts. Monday, Wednesday and Saturday.

Here's what my new schedule will look like along with expected calorie burn (based on estimating what my Body Bugg would read):

Sunday: Run 3-4 miles. (600 calories)
Monday: Run 2 miles in the morning, and do an hour of Zumba at night. (350 run, 500 Zumba)
Tuesday: Run intervals (speedwork). (350-400)
Wednesday: Zumba Toning and Boot Camp. (600 Zumba and 500 Boot Camp)
Thursday: Run 2-3 miles, or whatever my legs will allow after boot camp. :) (400)
Friday: OFF - rest day.
Saturday: 45 minute video workout followed by 3-4 mile run. (400 video, 600 run)

I'll increase my distances on the long runs by a 1/2 mile/week so I can work back up to 10k distance again. This plan should burn me around 4,000+ calories a week (in addition to my basic metabolic rate). Hoping this shows some RESULTS. Realizing this won't be easy to stick to, but I am excited to give it a try.

Will let you know how it goes this next week! What are you doing to get your activity on schedule? I do much better staying on track with a plan. What's your plan?

~Clara

PS - I never think "pushing through pain" when its real, I'm hurting myself pain, is a good thing. Muscle soreness and pain is one thing, but you can tell the difference. Don't be afraid to push yourself, but be smart too!

Mid-Month Check-In

2012-01-15T21:53:00.001-06:00

So a good friend pointed out that I hadn't posted in a long time...wow, so sorry! :) It has been quite a busy month, but one with lots of progress in the health and head area, so lets get right down to it.

I'm not sure how public I made this at the time, but let me just share that when I arrived home from the 2 week work trip/vacation to Disney, I climbed on the scale and it said I weighed 196.6. Yep, I'm being completely serious here. I was hovering around 185 still when I left home...so that is an over 11 pound gain in a little over 2 weeks.

WHO gains 11 pounds in 2 weeks? THIS GIRL!

Seriously, I was bummed. And I literally felt rotten; all the way home from Archer I was nauseous and felt bloated. 25 oreo truffles at new years will do that for you. Yep, a 2 week food hangover.

I sort of went completely and totally off plan. It started with being sick and in a hurry to get out of town for the 2 week period and all the craziness that goes along with both of those things. I had "debugged" myself (i.e. removed my body bugg) for a week or so before leaving town as I felt I needed a break from the guy wagging his finger at me and accusing me of sneaking oreos. Then we were traveling and it was easier while not tracking my food at all to just forget about tracking it. And eat very strange, untrackable things. Like cheesecake. Cinnamon rolls. Coffee mixed with a packet of hot cocoa and tons of hazelnut creamer. And ice cream...twice in one day.

Picture a full slide to the bottom of mud mountain, then it erupted and I was buried.

That's how I felt. What was I to do? I'm hoping to be an inspiration to people! To one day be known as a "fit" blogger. I had it figured out, didn't I? What the heck? How in the world do I explain myself?

Let me skip quickly to how this horror story ends, then we'll discuss what I learned; I just can't bear all this negativity. Two days after that terrible weigh in of truth, I was down 4 pounds. A week later, I was down 11 pounds total. How? By literally just going back to eating mostly clean and tracking my food and activity. Sigh. Um. It works.

Freaking duh.

So my realizations from that slip up, slide down, then sprint back to the top:

1) I'm not perfect, or even close. Well, that was obvious to begin with, but I've prided myself in being real with you all and while it took me a few weeks to let you see the ugly that really happened, you need to know that its not about perfection. If it was, I would never have made it this far. While not proud of my behavior, I learned from it; and maybe my honesty will help you learn something too.

2) Eating badly = feeling badly. Now, this isn't just emotionally. Of course, I felt guilt while eating some of those foods at first; then I felt justified, then, when the crumbs were all that was left, I felt sick. Like, literally, physically sick. I haven't felt that way in a long time. Bloated, and just blah. I don't want to feel like that intentionally ever again.

3) When I don't exercise intentionally, I don't eat well intentionally. This I've said before, many times, when I'm not active, I don't eat as well. It's that direct link between food and exercise; where I see food as fuel when I'm actually using it as such. Now, we walked a million miles at Disney. Imagine how much I would have gained had I been sedentary!?!? You can actually see some of the bloat in my disney pictures. I'll have to post one for you.

4) The story doesn't end until I (or YOU) decide its over. Every failed diet, every out of control holiday season, every messed up eating plan, every poor decision, yes, these things add up. But our diets don't fail us, we fail ourselves. Just because I had a bad few meals, that led to a bad few days, that led to a bad few weeks that led to an 11 pound weight gain...doesn't mean I give up and don't look back. I picked myself up, dusted off, took some metamucil to clean out my bogged down system, and got my tail back in gear.

5) Eating well = feeling well. Um, yeah. I felt like a new person just a few days later, once I had begun detoxing - and all I did to detox was add my green tea back in and begin eating mostly clean again (meaning mostly whole foods, not much processed, etc.). I feel incredible right now.

In workout news, I began a new Zumba class this week, right down the street from where I work. I was attending a great class in my town for over a year, but it is coming to an end soon (or at least my favorite instructor won't be there) so I decided I needed a change. Some of my co-workers have attended Courtney's studio and recommended her classes. Last week, I packed my bag and gave it a try. I had heard her classes were large (I'm used to maybe 15-20 people) so I was a bit intimidated.

The room was huge, they had just moved to a new space, but it quickly filled up. Easily 50 or more people there. I wondered how we would hear her. Nevermind that, she is loud enough to hear over the music. :) And crazy energetic. The first song started and it was like a song I knew but on speed! WHOA! I was so sweaty at the end I had to remove my shirt and replace it with my long sleeved warmup shirt. Everyone was having a great time, shouting out, singing along, it was hard, painful and crazy fast but WHAT A WORKOUT!

I had run that morning so my legs were really tired by the end, but I felt great.

Wednesday I tried out Zumba Toning. She has these toning sticks that are like weights but have sand in them. I thought maybe it would be slower than the Monday's class, given its toning. WRONG. Zumba Toning at Court's studio is like crazy fast Zumba WITH WEIGHTS. Yikes! By the end I could not lift my arms, and the Zumba sticks I used were only 2.5 pounds each (I typically use 10 pound weights for free weight work).

Tomorrow I'm going to purchase a punch card and put Zumba with Courtney on my schedule for 2x/week officially. It takes me less than 5 mins to get there, and not only was it fun, it was an incredible workout.

I'm also running every other day or so. I'm working with a friend who is training for her first 5k, she is on week 3 of the program and we meet a few times a week to run. On the other days I was running a bit less, like intervals or just 2-2.5 miles. New shoes and making sure my foot was ok, as well has having lost some serious conditioning during my hiatus from my healthy lifestyle. I finally ran 5k this morning and felt great. Slower than before, but I'll get faster again. With time. :)

I have noticed my body shrinking again. I'm already down to 183 something and my goal was 185 by month end. I'm excited that I should blow that goal out of the water and then need to readjust the rest of my monthly goals! I tried on my size 10 jeans I've been saving and sure enough, both pairs fit. They are still more snug than I'd like to wear out, but they fit! I cannot remember the last time I was a size 10. I believe it was high school.

I'm very excited about my new routine, and I think my body has somehow shifted into serious fat burning mode; I'm taking FULL advantage of it until the next plateau.

Hope your January and your goals for the year are also off to a good start!

~Clara

Goals...Made SMART

2012-01-06T22:42:00.000-06:00

So as I was considering my last post about goals, I was thinking, maybe I need to add a bit more information on how the goals I posted are SMART.

If you have ever taken a leadership class or training at work, you've heard the term "S.M.A.R.T. goals." It's all about setting goals that make sense. You can have great intentions, but they will never become your reality if you don't set up specific actions that will get you to your goal. You won't ever reach the top of Mud Mountain if you don't make your goals realistic. You will struggle in meeting goals if you don't attach a timeline, or measurement to them.

Many times people set goals that are too lofty, and believe it or not, I've been guilty of this too!

After I reached my 100 pounds lost on August 31, 2011, I was a little bit lost. I still obviously had about 20-30 pounds to lose...but I had not set many goals if any that were SMART past my 100 pound mark. I think part of me never believed I would actually arrive there.

That said, I am going to make sure my goals don't fall by the wayside this year. Here is a breakdown of my goals again, along with the detail below of how I am making them "S.M.A.R.T."

Goals - 2012
Weight (starting weight 192.6 after holidays)	Measure	Deadline
185 pounds - 100 pounds lost (recoup after holidays)	Scale	1/31/2012
180 pounds - wedding weight (105 pounds lost)	Scale	2/28/2012
175 pounds - high school grad weight (110 pounds lost)	Scale	3/31/2012
170 pounds - less than my hubby (115 pounds lost)	Scale	4/30/2012
165 pounds - GOAL weight (120 pounds lost)	Scale	5/31/2012
Body Fat % less than 25	24.9/Body Bugg	3/31/2012
Track food consistently	Food Log	Ongoing
Exercise (or do something active) 6 days/week	Body Bugg	Ongoing

Running
Improve 5k time to less than 30 mins	29:59 or less	6/30/2012
Improve 10k time by 5 minutes (to 1:06 or less)	1 hr 6 min or less	9/30/2012
Train for a half marathon	Begin Training	6/30/2012

Let's break down S.M.A.R.T.:

S stands for Specific: Goals must be very specific. "I want to lose weight this year" or "I want to finally get healthy" are not good goals to set. If you notice, my weight loss goals are pretty specific. I've broken it down to 5 pound increments. Obviously, my overall goal is to lose 25 more pounds...but since 25 sounds so BIG to me, and not very specific, I'm breaking the goal up into more manageable 5 pound chunks. I'll lose a bag of sugar a month. :) Now with my running goals, you don't see a goal saying "get faster." Duh. Every runner wants to get faster. I want to reach very specific speed goals this year and with this to shoot for, I have a good focus and aim for myself athletically.

M stands for Measurable: Goals have to have a measure. Even if I had my 5 pound chunk goals set like above, if I didn't have a way to measure it, it would be useless. Now, its easiest to measure weight, all you need is a scale. It's also pretty easy to measure getting faster in racing; the clock says it all. It will be easy to check off a box each week that I've exercised for 6 days and tracked my food on my Body Bugg program. The good part is these goals all correlate. If I exercise 6 days a week, track my food and stay within my range, and continue to run, I will meet my other goals. Some goals feed into other goals. The measure is very important.

A stands for Action Oriented, or Actionable: There HAS to be some kind of action attached to your goal. If I said I was going to lose the weight and it just magically happen, there would be no need for fitness bloggers. Instead, something has to be DONE in order to reach the goals. In my case, some of my other goals are the actions that will achieve the weight loss goals. Tracking my food consistently and exercising 6 days/week are solid actions that will help me reach my weight loss goals. Good nutrition and consistent training will also help me reach my running goals. The actions are: eat well and clean, track my food, and exercise 6 days a week. That's alot of action. The point of this part of the acronym is that action leads to achievement.

R stands for Realistic: Goals have to be realistic! This point is vital. If you ignore everything else in this post, remember this: setting goals that are impossible or too hard is setting yourself up to fail. REAListic. Because you are a REAL person. With REAL life situations coming at you. If this healthy lifestyle is really going to be a lasting lifestyle, then you need to plan reasonably and realistically. It feels way better when you can actually celebrate a goal achieved rather than rushing yourself, failing, and gaining more weight when you drown your sorrows in brownies and ice cream (been there...).

T stands for Time-Bound or Timely: Be sure your goals have a deadline set to them. If you just loftily say you'll lose weight this year, you may not decide to "get serious" until its too late in the year to achieve what you wanted. If you procrastinate like me, you will get your year long goals in order in time for the holidays...bad timing. So set some realistic time frames for yourself, but set something. And remember, your timing might be different than others' timing. Maybe you will lose weight faster or slower than me. This is YOUR journey and YOUR time. Dust off your calendar and get to planning. I've found it way easier to break the amounts up into monthly, last of the month weigh ins. Just simpler to keep track of. Figure out what will work for you.

By all means, your goals don't have to be specifically weight related. Set a goal to fit into a certain pair of pants, or a smaller sized shirt. This can be tougher, as you may go down one size every 15-20 pounds (like me) or it might be even less. So this one can't necessarily be a bonafide SMART goal, but it should be part of your total experience, or benefit of your successful results.

I read somewhere that you losing weight is not a goal, it is a result. That definitely has some truth in it. If you make goals that center around HOW you will get to your weight loss goal, you WILL lose weight if you follow those steps. At first, I wasn't ready to set specific goals. I just wanted to make small changes and kind of ease into this healthy lifestyle. That worked for me. As time went on, it became clear that I really needed more set goals in order to push through the finish. That's totally up to you.

As for me, I'm super excited about my goals; and I hope you have learned something about setting yours. I'm going to bed, with all my food tracked and an early morning run planned. I saw a post on Facebook about someone who was sluggish and unmotivated with this winter weather...she challenged others to join her in a 7 day running streak. Ramping down mileage to reduce risk of injury (rest days are vitally important) but getting out there every day. I'm going to do it! So excited about it. I'm also trying out a few Zumba classes with some co-workers next week in Dothan near my work. I'm looking forward to that as well and know that the running tied in with that will wear my tater out; but will also burn some much needed holiday fat off of my body.

So what say you? Ready to be a SMART-y pants like me?

You can do it!

Clara

Start at the Beginning...

2012-01-04T22:46:00.002-06:00

And when you get to the end, stop.

Sound familiar? I think its a line from Alice in Wonderland.

Sometimes goal setting can feel that way; like you're in a ginormous room and everything seems so big, confusing, rushed, and impossible. Every goal you've dreamed up looks way too big to scale, too large to fit into your brain and your plans, too impossible to even seriously consider.

When you break goals down, however, they aren't as scary, or confusing as Wonderland. It's when you try in your mind to go from Biggest Loser to Supermodel overnight that your unrealistic expectations fail you. When you imagine that this shake, this pill, this cleanse, this one thing will FINALLY be IT and you will never struggle with your weight again, and be able to eat what you want and and and...and you wonder why your first week being healthy didn't produce such results. And then you quit. Why bother? It's too hard.

But if you decide it will take you a realistic amount of time, say a few years, to go from obese to a healthy weight, and determine that there will be sweat...tears...setbacks...challenges...yet you DECIDE you will DO IT anyway, no matter how LONG it takes or how HARD it is...

Then, my friends, you will see success. And a shrinking profile in the mirror.

How do I know this? I'm living this.

I have been at this for 29 months.

Sound like too long?

Well, in 29 months, I've traveled this far:

And guess what? It's still not easy. It still takes work, planning, dedication, sweat, tears, commitment, soreness, rest, and support from my family.

While it seems to be taking forever, I honestly can't look at these two pictures and be frustrated with how long it has taken. I can only look at them and be glad I've made my goals SMART. Specific, Measurable, Action-Oriented, Realistic and Time-Bound.

All of that leads me to sharing with you my new fitness and health goals for 2012. I'm very excited about these goals and hope you share in my excitement.

Goals - 2012
Weight (starting weight 192.6 after holidays)	Measure	Deadline
185 pounds - 100 pounds lost (recoup after holidays)	Scale	1/31/2012
180 pounds - wedding weight (105 pounds lost)	Scale	2/28/2012
175 pounds - high school grad weight (110 pounds lost)	Scale	3/31/2012
170 pounds - less than my hubby (115 pounds lost)	Scale	4/30/2012
165 pounds - GOAL weight (120 pounds lost)	Scale	5/31/2012
Body Fat % less than 25	24.9/Body Bugg	3/31/2012
Track food consistently	Food Log	Ongoing
Exercise (or do something active) 6 days/week	Body Bugg	Ongoing

Running
Improve 5k time to less than 30 mins	29:59 or less	6/30/2012
Improve 10k time by 5 minutes (to 1:06 or less)	1 hr 6 min or less	9/30/2012
Train for a half marathon	Begin Training	6/30/2012

You will notice that my weight goals are broken down into small, manageable chunks. Pardon the pun ...but realizing that my last 30 pounds or so are going to come of more SLOOOOWLY than the first 100 have...I needed to be realistic about it.

I am also not someone who loses 2 pounds a week. I'm just not. And I'm completely cool with that too. Since I know my body so well, why would I set goals that were not possible or likely for me to achieve?

Not only are my goals weight oriented, but also my athletic pursuits have their own goals. When I became a runner, I imagined just being able to run a 5k without stopping would be it, then I'd be satisfied. I never dreamed I would LOVE it so much...run 6/5k races, finish my first 10k race and be contemplating half marathon training.

Gulp. Now I said it out loud. Now it shall be so.

I'm so jazzed about this year. I'm feeling great this week, being back on track with my food and enjoying the taste of nature's foods and eating much cleaner than I had been for awhile. It feels awesome and I know my goals are attainable with being back on track with my exercise and my good, consistent eating habits.

If you are looking for good consistent eating habits, read my Food Guidelines post from February of last year. I'm going to tweak it a bit later this week and repost as I've learned even more about nutrition and the like this past year. And even more about myself and how I can be most successful.

Your journey may not look like mine; but hopefully I can inspire you to get started and be true to yourself when you set your goals. Set yourself up for success, not for failure. Be honest, be careful and be realistic. Then, be successful. Two years will fly by before you know it and trust me, it is so worth being on this side of that journey. I feel like I'm running downhill and I have tons of energy to spare, even if this is truly one of the hardest parts of the journey.

Leave me a comment if you have a question or visit my facebook page. I'd love to have you follow my blog as well. Knowing there are countless people out there who are reading my story really motivates me to get off my tater and achieve these goals. I can't do it alone. Join me!

~Clara

2011 in Review...Resolutions vs. Decisions

2011-12-31T10:08:00.002-06:00

2011 has been an interesting year. While I sit here reflecting on the year, I may not be 100% happy with where I am right at this moment, but I won't let that overshadow what I've achieved. Let's review my goals for 2011 and how I did.

RUNNING goals:

Goal #1: Get faster at my 5k (3.1 miles) running time.
My fastest 5k in 2010 was 42:27.
My fastest 5k in 2011 was 32:16.  GOAL ACHIEVED!

Goal #2: Run a 10k race (6.2 miles)
Finished my first 10k race, running the entire time, in 1hour 11 minutes on Thanksgiving day.
GOAL ACHIEVED!

WEIGHT LOSS goals:

Goal #1: Reach ONE-derland (weigh less than 200 pounds).
Reached ONE-derland on March 5, 2011. GOAL ACHIEVED!

Goal #2: Reach 100 pounds lost, from 285 to 185.
Reached 185 pounds on August 31, 2011. GOAL ACHIEVED!

OVERALL HEALTH goals:

Goal #1: Healthy Cholesterol panel.
In August 2009, triglycerides were at 228, in August 2011, measured 106.   GOAL ACHIEVED!

Goal #2: Healthy resting heart rate.
In August 2009, resting heart rate was 112, in August 2011, measured 61. GOAL ACHIEVED!

Goal #3: Not need that horrid C-Pap Machine to sleep - cure my sleep apnea.
Current report as of 12/31/11.  Only used the machine a few times in 2009...suffered with exhaustion for awhile...but have not snored since 2010! Sleep apnea cured! (according to me; the doctors can stuff it on this one as they told me I would never be cured of sleep apnea, even with losing weight - the CPap machine industry is a racket if you ask me). GOAL ACHIEVED!

You might be reading the above thinking it's a bit of overkill. How many times is she going to say "goal achieved?" AS MANY TIMES AS I ACHIEVE GOALS.

That's right.

Every goal you set and achieved along your journey, no matter how big or small, needs to be celebrated.

I'm sitting here on New Years eve, December 31, 2011, thinking over my last year and considering the next year. The entire months of November and December have been a bit of a "bust" as I've traveled like a fiend and been slightly "off" for a few months, then completely off track for the last few weeks. A nasty cold led to not running and all the travel led to me backsliding alot in my eating. I absolutely physicaly feel like CRAP right now and I know exactly why.

So January 1st is tomorrow, and like the last two January 1sts I've celebrated, for me it will not mean making "resolutions" that won't last. It's about setting new goals for 2012. Because, I have proven that I CAN achieve the goals I set for myself.

And while I'm ending this year, likely up about 10 pounds from a few months ago (ouch - will confirm when I arrive home tomorrow), I am still VERY PLEASED with my 2011 progress and all of the awesome goals I've achieved.

And VERY HOPEFUL about 2012.

Here is an excerpt from a blog post this time last year, where I talked about the difference between RESOLUTIONS and DECISIONS.

********************************************************************************
Lets start by talking about New Years Resolutions.

{insert groan here}

This is where I go on a serious rant, so please depart if you have found the wrong page (lol).

Because the word resolution takes on such a flippant meaning in our culture.

The dictionary defines resolution as:
"the act of resolving or determining upon an action or course of action, method, procedure, etc."

Our culture defines resolution as:
"something we do every January 1st as kind of a joke, sometimes with all intentions of breaking it by Valentine's day, if we make it that far and then we'll all laugh about how badly scraped we are from falling off the wagon and letting it drag us 300 yards."

To me, diets are like resolutions. Diets from the start, are doomed to fail. For every person that says "but this diet really worked for me" I have to ask a hundred times "if it worked, why oh why are you having to do it again?"

If something works, it works forever.

Does it need new batteries sometimes? Yes. But it still works. Diets have no warranty. You can't get your money back. But they are for sale everywhere. And they all claim to be "it." Trust me, take it from a girl who has lost 100 pounds. I sort of know what I'm talking about here. When you get ueber restrictive, you will automatically resent it from the start. The diet is all that stands between you and ice cream, chocolate chip cookies and french fries. The diet is why you are miserable at the buffet. The diet causes you to hate yourself when you slip up. The diet makes you physically uncomfortable when someone (or everyone) brings in birthday cake. The diet makes you snippy with your family and makes you kick your dog.

How unfair to everyone around you...and how unfair to YOU.

Diets spun from resolutions just give you a short term good feeling before your resentment wins out and then they leave you with self-loathing, anger and sometimes more weight than you came into the diet with! How in a million years is that worth it? Not to mention most of the popular ones cost money! Forget it!

So I challenge you to ditch resolutions in the American sense for 2012 and ditch your silly temporary diet plans...and make DECISIONS instead to be healthy in 2012 and forever.

The dictionary definition of Decision is:
"the act of or need for making up one's mind."

I love that. Making up your mind. That is what a healthy lifestyle is all about. I had to decide, like really truly honestly decide that my life and health was worth a little bit of hard work (ok a lot of hard work) and some sacrifice. And I didn't change everything overnight.

This business of starting to be crazy restrictive on January 1st is ludicrous. And unlikely to last.

Instead, once you've decided, really decided (and seriously, I mean decided, not just wished, hoped and thought about it) then you can begin to make changes.

Here is a list of questions to ask yourself to determine if you're really ready to make this decision:

1) Am I willing to change the way I eat? Try new foods? Track my input (food) and output (exercise) until I've maintained my healthy weight for 6 months?
2) Am I willing to MAKE time to exercise, doing something active at least 3-5 days/week?
3) Am I sick and tired of being sick and tired? Do I want to feel good? Do I want to live again?

If you can say "yes" to all of these questions, then you might just be ready. But it doesn't stop there.

Now the logistics. Here is a to-do list once you've made your decision:

1) Talk to your family. They have GOT to decide to support you. If they are going to be eating fried twinkies while you eat as many super foods as you can cram on your plate, I can tell you this is not going to last. Ask your family if they are willing to go on this journey with you. Don't cut all their favorite foods out of the house (this is where self-control really comes in). But ask them to support you and cheer you on, and help them realize that not having crap for food in the house will help you immensely.

2) Talk to your doctor. Don't ever start an eating or exercise program without talking to your doctor about what would be best for you. I'm not a doctor, I'm just a fat girl who knows what worked for me...there is my disclaimer. Some of you may have issues with sugar due to diabetic conditions, or other issues that may cause you to need to eat differently than me, or others you know who are trying to get healthy. It is really an individual thing when it comes to health.

3) Research and find some activity/exercise that you might enjoy. Be willing to try different things! Not everyone will want to be a runner like me! Maybe you will like cycling? Maybe swimming? Shoot, I started just by walking! Do what you can... just MOVE.

4) Make a list of healthy lifestyle changes you want to make. Here is an excerpt from my list August 2009:

*reduce caffeine
*drink water - go for 64 ounces.
*eat less fried food
*move more - do something active 5 days/week
*eat more vegetables
*makeover favorite fattening recipe into a healthier one

I made these changes one at a time. Small, incremental, doable changes. Not cold turkey, overnight misery.

5) Research and educate yourself about nutrition. The more you know, the better your decisions will be. Research Super Foods. Go ahead, google it. Or take a look at this article on Web md: Super Foods Article .
Set a goal to try to incorporate super foods into every single day. You won't regret it - and I guarantee you will find you like more foods than you gave a chance ever in your life. I can totally say that. I love asparagus, broccoli and fresh spinach more than I ever thought I could. And I'm being completely serious here and have not been brainwashed by farmers of green items.

So are you in yet? Think this over...and DECIDE. Really decide to make a change. I know if I can do it, you totally can.

My 11 year career in human resources and my degree in marketing have absolutely not prepared me for this journey. I have made this journey my own and constantly learn as I go. And you can do the same!

********************************************************************************

I will be working on a blog post of my goals for 2012, and should be ready to post that this week. For now, as I reflect on 2012, I encourage you to celebrate the goals you've achieved. Even if, right this moment, you aren't where you expected you would be.

Maybe you've made poor choices for the last few weeks of the holidays (like me) or the last few months (ahem - still like me). Maybe you aren't sure you can make a lasting change. I'm here to tell you that you CAN. And if you set some good, realistic and achieveable goals for 2012, you will.

Me and Mud Mountain

2011-12-10T12:37:00.001-06:00

You may have wondered where I have been lately. Well, aside from being insanely busy with some year end projects at work, I have also struggled with what I could say here. Yep. Been busy, but partly avoiding you on purpose. Sorry.

In the last almost 2 years since I began blogging, I have developed a feeling of responsibility to all of you who are reading. I feel responsible for giving you good advice, sharing my successes and struggles, and overall leaving you with things to ponder and encouragement to run with. There is a blog I read where I feel the blogger seems to have good intentions but jumps from diet to diet, and excuse to excuse, never finding success and never moving forward but never admitting they fail, just jumping to the next thing, exclaiming "this must be it! this will work!" Until it doesn't. Again. It pains me to read blogs like that; its like a bad train wreck though and I can't look away. I keep hoping they will get it.

So that huge sense of responsibility has kept me from blogging since my 10k debrief at Thanksgiving. I have not felt like I had anything encouraging to say, and I was struggling. It's not like I want to pretend this is an easy, perfect journey, I've been painfully honest before for anyone to accuse me of that. I just didn't have the words. And maybe, until this last 24 hours, didn't really understand what was happening anyway.

This last 20 pounds is anything but a cinch. In fact, if you look at my weight loss, I have only lost 3 pounds since I finally hit 100 pounds down on August 31st. So that means I have lost a little over 1 pound a month for two months. Um...slow weight loss much? I'm even struggling there as I keep gaining and losing the same 3 pounds it seems. I'm back up to 185. It seems to be my body's favorite number.

Now to be fair, my body is still changing as well. I'm now solidly in a size 12, and even have some dresses that are 10s that fit me well. I can physically see some changes, but I can also see, and admit honestly to myself, that I have another 20 pounds at least to lose, not due to the stupid BMI chart, but due to seeing the fat on my body and knowing my body fat % is not yet considered healthy (I actually think that chart is right).

So I'm done being fair, and if you follow my facebook page you know that I have mentioned a "slippery slope" here and there. Let me explain.

My metaphor is that building and changing your lifestyle is sometimes a bit like running up a muddy mountain. You see footprints ahead of you so you know it is possible to climb it. You feel strong when you are at the bottom and begin your ascent and sometimes you even make it ten steps (or days/weeks/months) before you slide backward. There are times you are using your hands and feet, to steady yourself, pull yourself upward, and at other times, you have to have friends giving you a shove from behind in the right direction. But you continue to look up. Every success keeps you focused on the peak. Every failure makes you want to look down...and then you slide a little bit more. This slope is unforgiving, yet encouraging. Many have climbed, lost and slid home. Many have climbed, pushed through, achieved their goals and the climb is a distant memory. Some, like me, are close to the top but continue to slide backward.

I have yet to crest this mountain my friends. And I think I know why. I have baggage holding me back.

I've addressed having issues with food on here. I'm an emotional eater at heart with little self-control. Ok, stop gasping, those that have only known me since on this journey, believe it or not I am not fixed of that issue. But I really think it is more than just being an emotional eater which has become very clear to me in the last few weeks.

I think I am addicted to food.

Oh the sense of relief I'm feeling right now from admitting that out loud, or typing it out loud. Same thing these days; I did say it out loud to my friend this morning as we were running.

Hello, my name is Clara, and even though I have lost 100 pounds, I am still addicted to food. I am still on the slippery slope and right now I am hanging on for dear life.

Last night, I consciously chose to eat something I would never have touched 6 months ago. Chicken fingers, french fries and a biscuit from Bojangles. It smells good when people in the office eat there, but they have all discouraged me from eating there as they know my general food rules. And I ate there anyway. This followed a day of many unplanned treats, as vendor gifts are pouring in by the basketful.

All of this is following a few months of more travel than normal and being busier than ever. I think I began to go sideways on Mud Mountain. I was using both hands and feet, but not moving forward. Just sideways.

I've come full circle and am back where I was in August.

Listen, this is still not the worst place to be. I am happy with my progress. But I realize there will not be further progress until I fight this food addiction head on.

Know how I came to this realization?

Through other people.

Now, no one has staged an intervention (though I would really welcome one if any of you are interested), I haven't had anyone sit me down and tell me they are concerned, and I am not upset with anyone for supposedly sabotaging me. None of that has happened.

A few comments here and there are what clued me in to the realization last night that something was not right.

Last month while traveling, I had the opportunity to eat at a really awesome restaurant in SC. The food selection was incredible. I absolutely could have made a good choice. But the sweet potato chips sounded really good, and how bad could they be? So I made the choice to have pretty much an entire plate of fried food. FOOD FAIL. Fried crab cakes (which were not actually good compared to the broiled ones), hush puppies, sweet potato chips and fried shrimp. And lots of diet coke to wash it down. A comment was made, by someone who spends alot of work time with me, that they had never seen me eat anything fried.

Twisted my good ankle on Mud Mountain. Continued to move sideways.

Later on that really sunk in. In the 9 months I have worked for this new company, I have maintained my good eating habits in work situations; like when we all go out to lunch, etc. Not perfect, but never ordering fried food. This is how I lost the weight, and this is how they knew me. Fried food was out of character. Huh.

Then the food has just been rolling in, literally, over the past few weeks. Holiday treats from vendors. Amazing dipped this and that. Candy in the office. Freaking cookies! I have not had my snacks with me and therefore, I have indulged way more than I should have.

I was hungry on Thursday afternoon and one of my co-workers offered me an apple. I didn't want an apple, I said. I wanted something else. An apple would have been a perfect choice, and would have made me feel fuller longer. My co-worker asked me if I was drinking my water like I usually do. Another interesting, thought provoking comment. I mean, I was drinking water. But I haven't been up to my normal 4 bottles a day lately. Clue #2 that me and Mud Mountain were preparing for departure.

I ended up eating a bag of popcorn from another co-worker. Popcorn really isn't the worst thing. So why did I have to eat a bunch of maple dipped peanuts after that? Seriously? Especially on a day where I already indulged in some chocolate covered raisins.

Then we went to a bonfire at a friends house and ate hot dogs, chili, chips, chocolate chip cookies and smores. Yep. All of that.

My body is freaking out. Mud Mountain opened up a trap door and invited me to jump in. I continued to shuffle sideways.

Yesterday I ended up indulging in more cookies, more double dipped maple nuts (yep TW that's where they went) etc. And then I met Mr. Bojangles for dinner. And he sang to me.

Full frontal face plant on Mud Mountain. Complete with backward slide and bojangles man singing.

When I got home with my food, my husband was shocked at what I had ordered for dinner. He was being very careful, but was asking me questions about why I made that choice, etc. I wasn't offended by his questioning, more just convicted by it. He said he knows I feel better when I'm making better choices. He just wants me to feel better. I haven't even mentioned my diet coke consumption as of late. Ridiculous.

I hugged Mud Mountain and we shared an ugly cry.

In all honesty, I haven't actually cried about this realization even though I should have. It isn't like an earth shattering revelation that I am in shock about. I think underneath my looking-good-in-my-size-12-exterior, I have simply been avoiding the fact that I have a problem I have not yet dealt with.

And until I really learn about and deal with this problem, there will be no scaling this mountain.

There it is, my friends. Challenge explained. Now, what am I going to do about it?

I'm going to pray. Alot. If you have read my profile, you know I am a Christian. I'm not going to judge you, so don't judge me...I won't be preachy here but I will honestly share what I truly believe is going to help me over this addiction that is blocking my access to the top of this mountain. God is.

I am simply not strong enough on my own to do this. Or, by now, 27 months after starting, it would be smooth ascent to the peak.

As described above, I'm between a ledge and a mudhole. I need divine intervention.

My husband is a pastor, and my own prayer life, partly due to being busy but mostly due to not making time, has been anything but regular. Yep, gasp again. Preacher's wife is not a saint. :)

Today I will finish reading a book I've mentioned on Facebook called "Made to Crave" by Lysa Terkeurst. She is a Christian author who writes in this book about satisfying your deepest desires with God, not food.

Since I began reading her book I've continued to struggle, though I've had some amazing realizations.

At first, I was skeptical, as she talks about how she is pretty restrictive on treats in her diet. I don't ever want to be diety, as you've heard me say a zillion times. But as I read more, her rationale is that she may one day get to the point where she is strong enough to, say, bake 2 dozen chocolate chip cookies and only eat one and not sample the batter. 10 times. But she isn't there yet.

And NEITHER AM I!!!

But I was made for more than chocolate chip cookies and their evil dough.

There are tons of amazing thoughts, good, direct, thought provoking questions and relevant scriptures in this book. Today, I'm going to purchase the workbook to go along with it and begin working through this food addiction once and for all.

I will take you along on the journey with me, if you're interested. I almost have that feeling before you start a new exercise program, or start taking a new class at the gym.

I have anticipation of healing this addiction.

I have excitement over being stronger than I've ever been and finally losing weight again.

I have joy knowing I am not on this journey alone.

It starts with asking that no one give me any food treats for Christmas. If you want to give me a holiday mug, just give me the mug. :) No candy, no cookies, etc. I'm not swearing these things off, now, I may end up going cold turkey as I learn more about this issue and how to handle it; but as of this moment I'm not making a proclamation that sugar is the devil and I'm done with it.

Though it may be. And I might be.

Time will tell.

Thanks for listening to my rant...and for praying for me if you feel so inclined. I want so badly to have my light shine brightly for others; I desire to help anyone who wants it, to get healthy and love themselves more than food.

My heart truly is in the right place.

Now lets get my head there.

Love you all,
Clara

Thanksgiving 10k

2011-11-27T21:00:00.001-06:00

Let's do an update on a few things that have happened during the last few weeks.

As you know, I have been experiencing some issues with my right foot. Out of kind of nowhere, I started having pain after running, and then pain starting when I ran. It happened kind of quickly. According to the weight bearing xrays, for some reason the arch on my right foot is super or hyper pronating, causing the bones in my foot to roll inward, which then causes the bones on the top of my foot to smash together when I run, causing a new and special kind of pain. My podiatrist said that had we not caught it sooner we would be looking at having arthritis set in. Rather than get the custom $300 orthotics, I decided to give some different inserts a chance.

While these inserts have been working to some degree, I battled new blisters and finally went back to my older running shoes (not worn out, just not my favorite) and sort of found some balance.

I ran my first 10k (6.2 mile) race on Thanksgiving. It was an amazing experience. I ran for 71 minutes straight. I've never run more than 58 minutes, or 5 miles. It was incredibly challenging, both physically and mentally. The race was mostly trail, with some pavement. I've never run on trails before, and always used the reasoning that it was due to my clumsiness.

Oops.

I did survive ~ I just had to watch the ground more closely than usual. At less than a mile I had rolled my good ankle (which happens to be attached to my bad foot) but it didn't hurt that bad so I kept going.

Something I've learned about myself is that I don't like to stop and walk. Some people use the Galloway method of running, where they run some and walk some, always, even for marathon distances. While Mr. Galloway has some very good reasoning behind his training, it is just not for me. I don't discount others who do it, or their choice to take walk breaks. I just won't. I find it much harder to run again, which is why my speed workouts once a week annoy me, though I know they are important.

That said, this race was not about finishing in a certain amount of time, or setting any records. It was about running 6.2 miles without stopping.

Even up to the starting gun I was not 100% sure I would do it. Could I do it, physically? Sure. I had run at least 5 miles more than once and felt like I could continue.

But I'm convinced that running is 90% mental. No matter your amount or intensity of training, if your head isn't right, you will not do what you set out to do and you'll find yourself stopping short, and then being angry and disappointed.

I've experienced this in many training runs myself.

Throughout the course, there were several people doing the run/walk method, several of which finished before me (lol) but there was something else I noticed. Some of the people I passed around mile 4 and 5 who were walking looked utterly defeated. They looked angry at themselves, and I sensed that they did not achieve what they had set out to achieve that day. I could not help but feel empathy for them; and I wanted so badly to get them all revved back up to finish the race. But I was having enough of a time keeping myself moving. It's weird, but in every race, I am always the only one pacing at my pace. I'm either that slow, or good at pacing while others burn out. I pass alot of folks in the last 1/4 of races.

I tried to pace myself around an 11 minute mile (30 seconds slower per mile than my 5k pace), but it varied widely from 10 - 12 depending on the terrain. I had to be careful as trail running has many little "obstacles" from mud to tree roots to pine cones, and at times the sun streaming in through the trees meant I could not see my feet at times.

I ran the entire race. 6.2 miles. 71 minutes straight.

The last half mile was the toughest for me. Both knees hurt, and my foot was hurting. I honestly know if I had stopped at that point I would have fallen over. But I pushed through it.

Talk about pain.

But glorious pain it was.

Crossing that finish line felt amazing. I still wonder if it really happened. 6.2 miles? Just a little over a year ago 3.1 miles seemed an impossible feat.

My foot needed to be out of my shoe pretty much immediately. Some ice and aleve later it felt fine. Friday my ankle was killing me...good thing I have a checkup appt with my podiatrist on Tuesday. I may try to run that morning.

In other news, I'm planning a post in my head for later on this week about the slippery slope I've found myself sliding down. Stay tuned if you want to learn from my mishaps. It will deal with a very real issue that I've been pulling back the layers on over the past few months.

For tonight, celebrate with me. I have much to be thankful for this year, and reaching my 10k goal despite the issues with my foot prove that if you are determined enough, you can accomplish things you never imagined you would. I still don't believe we can "all be anything and everything we dream" or we would all have record deals and sport contracts. But I do believe that if you find something you are good at, and practice it alot, you can amaze yourself. I could easily have talked myself out of running that far on Thanksgiving day. I could have come up with several really good excuses for it, and many of you would have agreed with my logic.

But I didn't. Despite my own doubt, I did it. And no one, and no thing (including foot pain) can erase that fact from my ongoing legacy. It is now part of my history. And a part I am particularly proud of.

Feels good. Now, what's next goal-wise? I'll be pondering that.

~Clara

How to NOT Gain Weight on Thanksgiving

2011-11-23T17:21:00.000-06:00

Yep folks. It is possible. Completely, totally, utterly possible to enjoy Thanksgiving to its fullest WITHOUT GAINING AN OUNCE.

I should know. I've lost weight this week for 2 years in a row. And I plan to do just that; or at least maintain, this week.

Want to know how?

1) MOVE YOUR TATER, NOT JUST YOUR FORK. That's right. Get off your tater and do something active first thing in the morning. Go out for a walk, ride your bike, whatever your current fitness level allows. But start the day off with a burn and it will help get your metabolism revved up for the day. In fact, if time and schedule allows, go for a second walk later on after you eat. You'll feel much less miserable than if you just sit there after you eat.

2) PLAN YOUR PLATE. What do you LOVE to eat at Thanksgiving and what can you live without? I try not to eat anything I don't absolutely love on a holiday like this one. So choose those things you know you will really enjoy. We have 2 meals to attend tomorrow, one at lunchtime the other one around dinner time. I plan to eat at both. I love my mother in law's "dressing" and sweet potato casserole. I love my mom's stuffing, cranberry chutney and pumpkin pie. and I'll eat turkey at one place or the other. I can live without the 12 other courses like mashed potatoes, gravy, green beans cooked with ham, salads, etc. I also don't eat the crust of pumpkin pie as pie crust, which isn't even sweet, carries alot of the calories of that particular pie. I plan my plate at each place and while I am fuller that day than normal, I'm not miserable.

3) ENJOY THE PEOPLE, NOT JUST THE PLATES. This is key. Thanksgiving isn't about gluttony, and yet we've turned it into that. Think about what and who you are really thankful for and make that your focus. Sure, the food is wonderful, and the traditions ring supreme in your childhood memories. But more than the food, I love the togetherness this holiday brings; as well as the reflection on what blessings I've experienced this year.

Here's a short list of my blessings this year, in no particular order.

*A God who loves and forgives me of my failings, whom I can run to anytime, any day.
*My loving and supportive family and friends, specifically my amazing husband and sweet girl.
*An amazing job where I get to do what I do best every day.
*Better health than I've ever had in my life.
*Enough. We have enough. Not excess, we aren't rich, but our needs have been supplied.
*Boots that zip up my calves.
*Strong, muscular calves that made it tough to find boots to fit. :)
*Wearing a size 12 after living miserably as a 24 for a long time.
*A body that allows me to RUN. Legs that work, lungs that respond. The new goal to celebrate in the morning of running 10k (6.2 miles) for the first time ever!

I AM BLESSED and have so much to be thankful for this year. How about you?

Clara

So Much Has Happened!

2011-11-05T21:26:00.000-05:00

Where to start?

I went to a podiatrist on Tuesday morning. The first thing they did was x-rays - I wondered what the heck another x-ray would do, until I realized these were weight bearing x-rays. So I stood on my bad foot and let them take more pictures.

The doctor came in and showed me the pictures. It is kind of amazing to see what is happening to my foot. It is not fractured, that is the good news. However, I have bruised the bone...

What is happening is my arch is no longer supporting my weight - so when I put weight on my foot, my bones are starting to hyper-pronate, which means the foot is rolling inward. This causes my metatarsals to hit against my talus bone (top of my foot) in a new and special, er, painful way. He said we caught this early; many times it turns into arthritis.

Solution? He said custom orthotics. I asked how long it would take before I could run again. He said as soon as I had my orthotics.

So Thursday I went to have an impression made of my foot. When I got there, I asked what the actual diagnosis code was on my prescription. She looked it up and said, "huh, it says Black Heel." I googled that and it is a skin condition on your foot where it turns black...not what is happening to me. I realized it must be wrong.

When I met with the orthotic specialist I told him I wasn't comfortable with the fact that the dx code was incorrect...could we find out more? We talked about what was going on with my foot.

Turns out this guy treats a number of members from the local runners club. He said he wasn't sure if I needed these orthotics - that maybe an over the counter insert he is very familiar with would work. He found my doctor, talked it over with him and returned.

Solution - spend $20 on over the counter inserts (made by Spenco) before spending $300 on orthotics that might not work anyway...and are non-refundable.

He sent me to a drug store and I picked up a pair of the inserts.

I could not WAIT for Friday morning so I could try them out.

I made it an entire mile before it started hurting...then I walked home. I had put the inserts in my minimalist shoes (Brooks Green Silence) and they have pretty much zero arch support...so while it was better than without, it was not quite right.

So combo #2 was up this morning. Spenco inserts in my Brooks GTS 12s. I had some pain while running but then it sort of went away. My foot was even a little numb. I decided to keep going and ran 2 miles. The funny part is, once I've run, it hurts the rest of the day. But while I'm running it is bearable.

Because I know there will be long term effects until I get this figured out, I am back to the drawing board again.

So today I put together Combo #3. Spenco Inserts with my Brooks GTS 12s, and an additional arch insert in my right shoe.

I plan to try Combo #3 in the morning. I need to know what is going to work before I fly out Monday! I am going to the hotel gym each morning, even if that means I only get to do the elliptical.

I'm just so excited to be back out there somehow. Even if right now my foot is hurting and I need to ice it again. :)

No pain no gain, right?

Or loss that is.

I did ok eating wise this week. Not as bad as last week. Not as good as it could have been. I'm continuing to work through my head issues; did you know that those are never truly fixed?

You can adjust habits, get on a good roll, but you will always, always face challenges with food if you started off with food issues to begin with.

Does it get easier? Sure!

But it is never something you're cured of. Having lost 100 pounds in 2 years I definitely can attest to that.

Please know I mean for that to be informational, not discouraging. I think its important for people to realize that this journey is not easy.

But it is SO worth it.

Going to try to post some outfit pictures this week. Have done some shopping lately and found some awesome new duds. I'm trying to buy things that I will be able to wear 20 pounds from now still. I invested in a black blazer that will likely fit me forever.

That is what makes it worth it. :)

Big hugs to all of you out there...will be better about blogging my updates this week!

~Clara

What I ate today:

Breakfast: Pumpkin Pie Oatmeal
Lunch: Wendy's grilled chicken sandwich, small chili
PM snack: shared some Junior mints with my wee one
Dinner: Loaded Baked potato soup (homemade)
Dessert: healthy pumpkin muffins

Exercise:
ran 2 miles...and shopped shopped shopped! Total of 2800 cals burned all day.

Day 1 of Possible Broken Foot Saga

2011-10-31T20:08:00.000-05:00

Hey all, so Day 1 went ok. I did get up early and rode my exercise bike for a half hour. I turned up the intensity/resistance to 7 so it was harder than normal (I keep it at a 4 most of the time). Lots of sweat so that is a good sign.

Started off well with eating..had a few minor slips here and there but all in all pretty good.

Breakfast: Honey Nut Cheerios with Almond Milk
Snack: Banana
Lunch: Half bbq chicken salad and cup of chicken noodle soup from Panera with wheat roll
Snack: 2 pumpkin muffins (made with just pumpkin and cake mix - they were good!) and 6 Candy Corn Pumpkins.
Dinner: Grilled chicken salad

Yes. I gave in on the pumpkins. But really, 6 pumpkins is nowhere near as bad as it could have been...

Am I rationalizing? Maybe. I promised you I would blog the truth, so here it is. Good, bad, and in-between. :)

One VERY positive decision I made today - I packaged up the rest of the candy corn and gave it to someone upstairs.

I have an appointment tomorrow morning with an ortho doc/podiatrist. Hoping he sends me right away for the MRI so I can get that done quickly and know before the week is out what the prognosis is. I learned tonight that this particular doctor is big on casts. That will NOT be fun especially given I am traveling all week next week. But at worst, I think I'll end up with an air boot. We'll see.

Will let you know how tomorrow goes! Got another date with the exercise bike in the morning - scintillating! Yeah, a little sarcasm never hurt anyone, right?

It's all good.

~Clara

It's All in the Plan

2011-10-30T20:52:00.001-05:00

I have spent this entire day wallowing.

Sad faced, slow moping, eating crap "comfort" food wallowing.

I didn't eat dinner since lunch was so ridiculous, we all just snacked tonight. And I made cookies (half a batch, but STILL).

Did it help?

NO.

But with all the wallowing came some planning. If you know me well, you know having a plan is huge for me. I have to know what's next. And with my healthy lifestyle its been no different. Planning is a HUGE key aspect to my success.

Planning meals. Planning activity. Planning for speed bumps.

And man, have I hit a big one.

I'm 90% sure I have fractured my right foot. On the top of it, above the butterfly tattoo. I took a week off, as nothing showed on the x-ray but about 3/4 of a mile in to my run today, I felt that familiar pain. I ran a mile, then walked the mile home. Completely and utterly bummed. Apparently stress fractures don't show up on an x-ray right away anyway.

I wanted to cry several times today but have held it in. It isn't going to help. And my nose will be stuffy/runny and then I'll have a headache. Nope, not cry worthy. Yet anyway. It might be when the doc tells me how long to stay off it now...

So, today was about asking for prayer and having pity on myself. I literally dreamed about running last night, so to wake up and get to go this morning after a week off was amazing. It made the letdown that much harder to bear, however, when the pain came back.

So tomorrow I'll be calling the dr back and letting her know what the sitch is...and asking for an MRI to be set up. Once we know for sure what's going on, then we'll go from there. I don't think I'll need to wear a boot or anything like that, but it will probably be flat shoes and little to no weight bearing activity.

No running.

No Zumba.

No Tae Bo.

No Biggest Loser workouts.

Freaking UGH!

Now that I've sufficiently wallowed, the dust is settling, I have a tummy ache and am in need of a plan. I only have 5 days to get this worked out with the dr as I fly out next Monday on a 4 day trip. I need to have my routine figured out before I go so I can still work out while traveling.

Yep, I am not taking {insert # of weeks} off completely. I WILL find something I can do and I will DO it.

And I will rid my office of the candy corn tomorrow morning.

It is really difficult to eat well when I'm not running. I don't know if its because I associate my food more with fuel when it is being used as such, but I need to remember that even if I'm not running, my body still needs good, healthy fuel to run efficiently.

I only rode my exercise bike once this week. My butt goes numb after awhile and I get bored (its a recumbent bike). Starting tomorrow, I'm going to get up early, bump up the resistance, then ride it for an hour at least. I have a book I've been trying to read so I can do that simultaneously.

So the plan consists of eating within my range, and making the BEST choices I can, and exercising in the BEST way I can. At least doing something.

And for some reason, when I decide it, say it, blog it and plan it, 9 times out of 10 it becomes my reality.

Last week I spent too much time denying that I could really be that injured and just trying to get through the stupid week so I could run again and everything would be fine.

This week I'm going to deal with it head on, make the best of an undesirable situation, and blog as much as I can for accountability.

Sound like a plan?

Good. I needed one.

As much fun as its been to wallow, it has gotten me nowhere. Fortunately it was only a day.

Setbacks are going to happen on your healthy lifestyle journey. This isn't my first injury. It's my first "not cool story" injury. But despite any setbacks I've experienced, I've always come out stronger and still overall successful.

I may not be running a 10k on Thanksgiving. But I will still be giving thanks for a number of things.

Catch you tomorrow for my first accountability post of the week. I'll be including a "what I ate" and "what activity I did" as well as an update on my foot.

~Clara

Better Safe than Sorry...

2011-10-24T17:26:00.000-05:00

So, I just returned from the doctor's office...let me back up a few days to give you the scoop.

On Saturday I had a glorious run. It was beautiful outside, I felt great, so I just kept on going. A total of 5 miles in 56 minutes. It felt amazing.

About mile 4, my right foot started to hurt, on the top of it, then it went numb. Wasn't a terrible pain, but when I felt like going past 5 miles, I decided not to push my luck, just in case.

Sunday I ran 2 miles, just a quick run. It hurt for about a half mile, then was fine.

Yesterday afternoon my wee one wanted to go for a walk. I laced up my shoes but could not walk more than a mile with her, my foot hurt so bad.

Crap.

So today I called the sports med place in Dothan, which couldn't get me in until Friday morning. I'm not the type to sit around and wait for the scoop on whatever might be going on, so I went to the urgent care instead as I knew they had xray machines.

While they cannot see a fracture, they didn't rule it out. The radiologist still has to look at the films, but in the meantime, the doc has put me off of my foot for 1 week. No weight bearing activities.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Yep, that about sums up how I feel about that. They gave me this adorable post-op shoe to wear - it feels like it is the wrong foot, and as I was adjusting the strap, it broke (oh, darn!) so I will be looking for something else to wear, or I may just wear flats all week.

I had my Zumba clothes in the car.

I could not be more bleh about all of this right now.

But if I have learned anything from being sidelined in the past, its better to be safe than sorry. I know this personally.

And if I want to run that 10k in 4 weeks, I'd better err on the side of caution.

That is so hard for me - I'm not at all a cautious person (in this regard anyway, I am when it comes to being a passenger in a vehicle - lol).

So please pray for my sanity this week. I have to make it to Sunday with no running or Zumba. I'm going to ride my recumbent exercise bike until my butt goes numb, but that won't register any calories burned on the Bodybugg so I'm preparing myself for another bleh week.

My weigh in by the way, yesterday, was terrible. I was up a pound. What the HECK? I think it must be sodium from the traveling last week. Or the movie theater popcorn and fro yo I had for dinner on Friday night. But come ON, I ran 5 miles on Saturday...should have mitigated ALL of that.

Or not.

This whole exact science of losing weight is ANYTHING but exact.

But, I digress.

The point of this post was to ask for prayer. I'm at risk at this moment of eating all 4 of the leftover jillian michael's healthy brownies (therefore defeating the purpose of them being healthy brownies). I'm trying really hard not to let myself just give up, even for a day. I won't be very happy with myself if I do.

Hang in there with me and say a prayer for me, will ya?

Clara

And the Secret is...Focus

2011-10-16T21:08:00.001-05:00

What an incredible week.

I wondered how I would feel reporting to the world today about everything. My most recent weigh in, the crazy hilly race yesterday, how I was doing with my eating.

Well, I am very happy to say that I have good news. On ALL fronts.

As you know I spent much of September losing and gaining the same 3 pounds. Well, I have finally released them forever. Well, Mandisa says released - she says you shouldn't say lost as you really don't want to find them. But maybe since released sounds kinda gross I will say exterminated. Wait. Not much better.

Back to the point, I am excited that I've lost another 2 pounds past my 100 pound mark. I'm solidly 183 now. I honestly don't remember the last time I was there and actually stayed there. Probably around that weight when we got married, but again, I gained it back quickly. Stopping your program will do that to you.

Duh, right?

This weigh in was great as last Sunday I weighed 185.8 and it sucked. I was so miserable about it, but I faithfully reported it to my Body Bugg program and waited while it told me I must be sneaking oreos. Really, it just adjusts your intake amount for the last week and accuses you of eating way more than you tracked. Not very fair I felt, though this week it ended up jacking my intake down saying I had eaten less than I reported since I lost 2.6 pounds. It is making me realize that while losing weight is scientific (less calories in, more calories burned), it isn't a one-size-fits-all perfect, fault-proof science. Although when I really think about it, here is what I've come to realize.

If I compare my calories this week to those of weeks prior, the amount I ate wasn't necessarily that different.

It was QUALITY.

Not Quantity.

Sick of hearing that quality is more important than quantity? Yeah, me too. But bear with me here.

Want to know the difference between this week and other weeks?

I ate BETTER food. Healthier. Got in my fruit and veggie servings. AND my daily dark chocolate.

And I didn't crave weird junk food. Dessert still taunted me at that buffet I was telling you about the other day (the one with the white devil pasta). But I conquered it.

And again, I'm that much stronger.

So what's the "secret?" There really isn't just one thing. It's a combination of good choices that moves you in the direction of success. And if something isn't working, its time to re-evaluate, get dead honest with yourself and change something. Anything. Shock your body for once. Get it out of its routine.

My break did that for me - not only giving my knee time to heal, but giving me a chance to rest and reset. I needed a brain break too I think.

One choice I made this week was going daily with my chocolate again. Dark chocolate every day is going to have to be my thing. In fact, the dark chocolate of choice has been those mini-york peppermint patties. Oh my heaven. Just one tiny one is enough to satiate me. 50 calories of happiness. And during the day I've been fine since I started doing that regularly again. Worth it.

Another choice was making sure I got my water in - and planning my meals and sticking to my plan.

More choices - my activity. I ran Monday morning, did Tae Bo on Tuesday night, ran Wednesday morning and did Zumba Wednesday night, then ran again Thursday and took Friday off as a rest day before my 5k race Saturday. Yeah, pretty active week. And I'm planning another one right behind it. Because my body is responding well to it.

My focus has been a little off lately. I've been focusing on the scale not moving, my cravings being out of whack, and wondering if I'd ever get under 185 for serious.

What got me back into my groove was putting my eyes back on the small steps that it will take for me to meet my goal. Each time I exercised. That much closer. Every healthier food choice. That much closer. Every blog post where I'm pouring my heart out to potentially no one but its still cathartic...That much closer.

Let's talk about the race yesterday. I will likely get misty eyed.

I ran my best race time EVER. 32:16. This same race last year, I ran in 40:04. What a difference a year makes. Check out the difference in the two photos:

June 2010 - October 2011 1st 5k race vs 7th 5k race

Champions of Hope race 2010 vs 2011 40 pounds lighter

At the start line I was nervous as usual. Unsure of myself and my ability. But all week I had felt this freakish determination like I was going to kill this race. I had no idea how, as I knew it was the hardest race I'd ever run. They even changed the course but talking it over with someone before hand it didn't change for the "easier." Just multiple, different hills. Fortunately no time to be nervous.

I looked around and instantly felt overwhelmed with emotion.

Everyone wore these - and several had more than one name on it like mine did.

It was amazing to see all of these names flying around me. Everyone was running with a purpose. With a focus. I vowed not to lose mine. Some teenage boys were goofing around during the first mile and distracting me so I put in both earphones and zoned out. As soon as we were down one hill, we were going up another.

I had the same experiences as before, but kept telling myself - this is MY race, not the person who just passed me. That helps me pace so much. I know many people burn out toward the end. Sure enough in the last mile I began passing people like crazy. People who had stopped to walk. People way skinnier and fit-looking than me. I hoped they couldn't hear me wheezing.

The last hill was murder. Then I pictured my friend Irene and could hear her saying "Go Clara" in her Staten Island accent. Literally a minute later "I Run for Life" by Melissa Etheridge came on the playlist. PERFECT timing. I zoomed past people going uphill. I knew we were nearing the end.

When you round the last turn the finish line is still .2 miles away, but you can see it clearly. I poured out all I had and then realized the clock said 31 something. Now, I wear a Garmin, so I could have done the math myself, but I was so focused, I hadn't looked down in awhile. I burned it across the finish line, amazed as I realized it was my fastest 5k EVER.

Faster than I'd even run one in my non hilly neighborhood.

I can only credit sheer and utter focus and determination. Oh, and the people praying for me (thanks!). Seriously, I've never been more elated with a finish. And my hubby got a great picture too.

Wish I had seen my hubby and daughter - I might have smiled and waved! the time says 32:24 but my official chip time was 32:16 due to how long it was after they said "go" and I had not yet crossed the starting line.

I placed 20th in my age group. Yeah, not the most impressive ever, but I wouldn't have even placed last year. 130th out of 309 people. Still, closer to the top half than the bottom half!

So all in all, what a great week and weekend. I am so excited about how I'm feeling, not just physically strong (a tad bit of knee pain this morning during my easy 2 miles but no pain at all yesterday) but also mentally strong. Spiritually strong.

A force to be reckoned with. When I'm focused, that is.

Stay focused friends. Sorry for the long post - if you're still here, thanks for riding along.

~Clara

Running with a Purpose

2011-10-14T22:04:00.000-05:00

This blog post started in my mind over a week ago. I was struck then with the memory of a dear friend while I was folding clothes.

I came upon a pair of running tights I bought recently that were made by Under Armor and have the pink breast cancer ribbon on them. I thought I might wear them at the upcoming Champions of Hope race in Dothan to raise money for cancer research depending on the weather. It made me think of my friend Irene.

I met Irene when I was a kid, honestly I’m not sure how old because it feels like I always knew her. She was the thirty-something single lady who lived across the street from us with her dad. We always waved and her dad would give my older brothers ice cream every now and then but that was the extent of the earlier friendship. After her father passed away, Irene stayed in the house and eventually bought a dog, a little white bichon frise named Powder Puff. I fell in love with that dog and it drew me to Irene, so we became friends. She tolerated me, tried to teach me to sew (unsuccessfully but really, it is just not one of my talents), kept me busy by giving me math problems, playing board games with me and sometimes we cleaned together between sips of saspirilla. From Staten Island, she had a wit and spunk about her and could dish out the sass as well as take it. She went on amazing trips and always brought something back for me and Liz. She loved to laugh and tell stories. Her stories were the best.

Irene always told me she was 18. And I believed her.

When I was 10, Irene was diagnosed with breast cancer. It happened pretty quickly and my parents and Irene shielded me from much of the details. I don’t recall her being extremely ill. She was always an upbeat and positive woman, full of life. She had a mastectomy, and shortly after her treatments were finished she became engaged to a man she had dated on and off for several decades. They were married when I was 12 and my best friend, Liz, and I were her Jr. Bridesmaids. What an experience that was for a kid. Irene sewed our dresses herself.

My family moved away that next year and I only saw Irene a handful of times after that. Liz kept me updated as to how she was doing and I would call and catch up with Irene from time to time. But life as a teenager kept me busy and in trouble, so I didn’t make the time I now wish I had.

When I was 21, I married the most amazing man ever. I had been in quite a few weddings up to that point, and I loved dearly the girlfriends I had made. But I felt strongly about having just 2 people in my wedding party, as we were also having it in a tiny church. Irene and Liz. I wanted to look back at those pictures and be just as close to the people in my pictures later in life as I was on that day. Liz has been my best friend since we were 6 months old (we still talk about once a month). It being a busy day I hardly noticed how gaunt Irene had become and she is simply beaming beautifully in all of the photos.

Irene battled the cancer on and off for about 10 years total. I never really knew how sick she was, as she always managed to be smiling, even when she was walking with a cane and she rarely talked about her illness. Her cancer had spread to her bones and eventually everywhere else and I remember her telling me one night on the phone that it would be easier for her to tell me now where the cancer was not, rather than where it was.

We lost Irene on August 28, 2002. I was totally unprepared for it. I had only lost my Mom’s parents at that point in my life, and while I definitely mourned those losses, I was closer to Irene than anyone else I had lost in my lifetime. My grandparents had lived so far away and she had been just across the street. I remember being upset that she hadn’t told me how poorly she was doing; but that was her way. I didn’t have my daughter until December 2003. While Irene could not have known when we were planning to start a family, she began cross stitching bibs for my baby. I have 2 finished and 1 half finished bib in a frame that her best friend sent me after she passed.

I share all of this with you to honor the memory of my beautiful friend, Irene. She fought her cancer with dignity and strength. She smiled in spite of her pain and pressed on in spite of her diagnosis. She had to have known her prognosis but she lived life in spite of that. And she fought every day.

When I run that race tomorrow, she will be heavy on my heart and steady in my mind.

When it gets tough going up the incredibly hilly course and my lungs are screaming and legs begging me to stop I’m going to remember that I CAN keep on going.

Because I’m sure Irene, along with others who have lost their lives to cancer, like the my friend's sister, the amazing and inspiring Shannon, would have given anything to keep on going, to keep on living, to keep on fighting. They don’t have the choice to push through the pain anymore. I do.

And as long as I physically can, I plan to do just that.

How can we glean inspiration from suffering? Ask yourself this question.

Why waste time not living your life when so many have or had less years to live than you?

Get out there and do something for your health. You only get one time around at this living thing. One body, one temple to treat well. Every choice is one that may extend your life or shorten it. Don’t waste it. I’m sure none of these warriors who have gone before us would want that for you.

This run is for you, my dear friend. I love you and miss you, Irene Garbarini-Kinsella.

Clara

A Break, a Battle and Boots

2011-10-12T21:27:00.000-05:00

Well, folks, here I am again - sans pictures. PLEASE forgive me. I need to take some but my mornings are hectic enough as it is! Maybe tomorrow...or maybe Friday as I don't plan on running in the morning that day.

I haven't posted since my Pause...or break from exercise for a week.

I honestly thought I would go stir crazy that 7 days off. I was absolutely dying to do something, anything. I stopped myself from hitting the floor in my office to do pushups one day. It wouldn't have hurt, but once I start something a certain way, I like to finish it as planned.

And finish it I did.

The I had a glorious run the following Sunday. It felt wonderful to be back out there!

Please know, in a million years, I never imagined I would *miss* exercising. I thought, 2 years ago, that I could die happy with my butt firmly planted on my sofa. I really, honestly, truly missed my exercise and the wonderful endorphins, and sleep, that come along with doing it regularly.

I was sleepy, grumpy and downright fidgety! I stayed up later and didn't sleep as well.

So it took me about a week to recover from my "reset." How ironic is that? BUT I think it worked.

After reaching 100 pounds down at the end of August, September was a battle between the same 3 pounds. I lost it, I gained it. I lost it again, gained it again. It was really annoying as I kept dipping below the 100 pounds mark which was NOT cool.

I got back to 100.2 down last weekend (yay) and then today am down another .8. FINALLY. The scale is moving again.

I'm just now back to my regularly scheduled activity. Some other life things have gotten in the way. I took a good 3 weeks total off of Zumba (wow, did I miss that!) due to my knee then my rest time, and had my first night back tonight. It was awesome! I think I might need to get help to make it to my bed as I feel myself stiffening up but wow, I am glad to be back at it. Also, my daughter started soccer games and since they are 2 towns away from where I work (really 3 if you count 2 smaller towns in between!) I have to leave early from work to make it to one game per week. I also traveled for more than half of last week though I did my duty and tested out the hotel treadmill one morning. I did a hill workout for the first time. Holy CANOLI! It kicked my tail.

I have to tell you, eating has been an interesting battle for me lately. I've found myself having "aha" moments again.

You might wonder, after 2 years and a month of healthy living/eating/consistent weight loss, why in the world do I need to still have "aha" moments?

Because I'm not "fixed" people.

Am I likely to gain 100 pounds back?

No. Because I lost it so slowly. And I got rid of all my fat clothes. :)

But could I stop right here, at 184 and not lose another pound and battle the same 5 pounds FOREVER?

Absolutely.

It's almost harder not "looking" fat anymore. I look semi-normal. Since so many Americans are overweight I guess I look even more normal than I would have were it 1980 when we were healthier as a whole. So because I don't have to shop plus sizes and I can wear designer jeans, it is THAT MUCH HARDER to stay focused.

This reset came at a great time. I needed rest, time to think, and the opportunity to get underneath the things that have been making it hard for me in September to lose even a freaking pound!

I was talking to a co-worker yesterday as I needed to be talked out of going and snacking on a treat we had in the office - double-dipped chocolate coated peanuts. I desperately needed immediate help and accountability. I don't really like those and they aren't dark chocolate. But a few weeks ago, I ate half a bag of chocolate coated pecans. Completely unnecessary but they were there! UGH.

As we were talking about it, we discussed a bunch of stuff about food, etc. Next thing you know, I wasn't even thinking about the peanuts.

I've been allowing myself just a bit of this here and there, and that is ok. But it had gotten out of control and I found myself eating desserts several times a week. And all kinds of stuff, not even things I really like. I'm a chocolate girl, so why was I going after other junk?

I forgot how good and empowering it felt to say "no thank you" and walk away. How triumphant it was to lose weight the week of Thanksgiving, 2 years in a row when people normally gain. To end each year the last 2 years with less weight on me than I began it with.

Avoiding those chocolate peanuts was empowering. Today they didn't even taunt me. But I had other issues to face - a buffet. I went to a lunch meeting and the options were spaghetti with meat sauce (white pasta), chicken fettuccine alfredo, garlic toast and sauteed vegetables.

I had a very small (maybe 1/8 of a cup) of pasta with meat sauce, then a tiny serving of the fettuccine alfredo...no bread and a huge helping of veggies. In hindsight, I should have just opted for the veggies and poured the meat sauce on top. Ah, hindsight.

There was a dessert on the table as well - a pudding looking creamy thing with pineapple and some kind of graham crust at the bottom. A friend tried it and told me it was lemon. That was easy for me to avoid.

And yet it taunted me.

You see, I will always battle food addiction. Giving in to temptation, eating too much, and eating poorly feels good for the moment. The after effects are terrible.

But most "sin" feels good. I just happen to be recovering from gluttony.

It's such a gross word, but it is absolutely true.

My friend Jessica recently wrote in her blog about getting her groove back. Check it out here: Jessica's Blog. Something she says in it clicked for me. She was talking about eating dark chocolate every day and how that seemed to stave off cravings.

I have gotten out of the habit of eating my dark chocolate! Gasp! It makes so much sense. When I gave it up earlier this year for 40 days, it was TOUGH and I found myself craving all kinds of strange stuff - food (or junk pretending it is food - haha) of all types, the nastier and greasier the better. I remember thinking that fast in the long run wasn't good for my health - and you would think it would be giving up something like chocolate.

But if dark chocolate every day has helped me lose 101 pounds, then why have I gotten out of the habit?

Well, I stopped keeping it at work. Because as soon as things got stressful I could mow through half a bag of dark chocolate kisses. Then I stopped eating it at home. I just got out of the habit.

And healthy habits, my friends, is how it is done. A combination of healthy habits that is. And sometimes just breaking one habit can throw everything off kilter.

Trust me. I needed a V8 in September something fierce.

I know I say this over and over again, but I am so thankful for the learning along the way in this journey. I feel so much more empowered and ready to fight the next battle every time I win one. I can rethink my strategy, alter my game plan, and get back out on the field.

The other option is giving up and being happy with my "overweight" BMI and mostly normal looking body.

Nah. I'm excited to keep peeling the layers back. And I'm that much stronger and determined to WIN this weight loss war once and for all. I don't know if I'll go down 1 or 2 more sizes. 20 or 30 more pounds. It all just depends on how my body feels, what my body fat is and how I feel about how I look.

It definitely won't be dependent on whether or not I can zip a pair of stupid boots up my calves. My calves are 15.5 inches wide and rock SOLID (yes, I promise a picture!). There is hardly ANY fat on that part of my leg. But it appears that knee high boots, or even calf height boots are made for 12 inch calves or smaller. NOT cool. I'm on the hunt for wide calf boots (and by the way, I tried on a pair claiming to be for wide calves - yeah, no). I do own a pair that do fit me, fortunately, but I want a brown pair and they are black. If anyone has good recommendations please hook me up and I'll share it with my followers who are in similar plights.

Maybe we'll start a club. From Cows to Calves or something like that.

All that said, this sista is not done yet. I'm just getting started. Because even when I reach my goal I won't be "done." I'm in this fight for the long haul, as long as I am breathing. And now I can say I'm fighting it even harder than before. I'm that much stronger.

Who's with me?

Clara

Go...Stop...Drop...Pause...

2011-09-27T21:10:00.000-05:00

I love some of the Zumba music - gets stuck in your head for weeks! Well, I'm in "pause" right now. Intentionally, but its still a pause nonetheless.

As you know, I exercise...alot. A huge part of my plan to get to my goal weight and live a healthier lifestyle involves me moving more than I've ever moved before. My typical week includes 4 runs of varying types, several 3-4 miles, a fast 2 miler and then speedwork on another day. I also do Zumba once or twice a week and strength train. Add in a few walks with family and friends and I don't always get a day off of activity during the week.

A few weeks ago I ran 1.8 miles to reach my Zumba class (with a backpack on that carried my Zumba shoes, a full water bottle, etc.). I did an hour of Zumba, then ran home. The next day my legs did not want to move I was so sore. I guess 2 solid hours of working out will do that to you.

Last week my knee started hurting during a run. Had never hurt in that spot. Hurt the rest of the day. I took a few days off of activity and it did ok when I ran 2 miles Thursday. Then I ran a race on Saturday (my 6th 5k race) with my friend Beth, and my other knee hurt for the rest of the day! Seriously?

It was really time for a break.

I'm really glad I had one scheduled!

I have read articles that say you should take a break from your exercise routine once every 12 weeks. The theory is that your body gets too used to the activity you are doing, and it becomes less effective for your weight loss goals. Taking a break is supposed to let your body rest and reset - and you get to "start over" once you are back at it.

In the last 2+ years the only breaks I have had are for my ankle injury last year (9 weeks of cast and PT), then I had a cold in December 2010 so I took a few days off, re-twisted my bad ankle in March of 2011 and took a few days off.

I have never taken days off on purpose. And it feels WEIRD.

I find myself trying to decide what exercise I will do when I get home. I'm getting to work earlier but don't have the same energy. In fact, I was ready to go to bed about 30 minutes ago (8:15pm here).

As you know from my last post, I really learned my lesson that my activity/exercise and how well I eat go hand in hand. So I purposefully scheduled the 5 day eating cleanse for this week that I would be virtually inactive. I have to be more careful about my eating since I can't run anything off!

So I've done 2 days of the cleanse and 3 days no exercise so far. I'm doing ok I think. Actually felt this morning like I was coming down with a cold. Seriously? Been pumping the Vitamin C to take care of that.

I do feel tired and run down, even though I'm sleeping plenty and not exercising. But exercise gives me energy! It's like a light source for me and I'm walking around in the dark this week.

But it is just temporary and intentional. So I am going to stick to my plan. And LOVE my run on Sunday morning.

This Thursday I'm speaking at an HR conference in our town on Wellness - talking about how Workplace Wellness starts with You (meaning the HR professionals in the room). I'm excited and nervous as I never love speaking in front of a crowd, but I know what I have to say is relevant and may inspire someone. I'm also a participant in the event and I get to talk first, so I will be able to enjoy the rest of the day.

That day, however, I will not be eating my cleanse-appropriate spinach salad. I decided I need to eat whatever lunch everyone else eats that day. One of the main things I stress is no diet plans - so if I speak about losing weight the healthy way, then pull out my carrots an spinach salad with goat cheese while everyone else eats "normal" food that will send the opposite message of my talk in the morning - even if I know what I'm doing is a healthy reset - perception is everything.

The boss who told me that "perception is everything" about 11 years ago has no idea how understanding that has changed my life! That's another blog post for another day though...

For today, PLEASE be sure to do something active - heck do it for me if you don't have the motivation yourself. Because I'm sitting here on my keister, motivated enough for ALL of us!

~Clara

Live & Learn

2011-09-22T21:09:00.001-05:00

This has been quite the week!

I was running with my friend Heather on Monday morning and about a mile and a half in my knee started hurting. It wasn't like an old familiar pain or anything like that - it just hurt around the outside of my knee by the kneecap. We finished 3.7 miles and the rest of the day it hurt! Walking around, everything. It just hurt. I was BUMMED to say the least.

There was no swelling, which is good, but I have learned one thing - take a break when you may have an injury...or you will spend a LOT more time down than you intend to.

So I skipped Zumba Monday and Wednesday night and did not run again until this morning. I wore a light knee brace and felt fine. A little sore but no real pain.

How did this happen?

I was analyzing my activity for the last week and have determined it was overuse. As a runner, "they" say you should never increase your mileage by more than 10% a week. I inadvertently almost doubled my mileage last week. It's been getting cooler outside and I felt great! 10 miles in 3 days is alot for me...

So I have learned. Sigh. Once again.

Know what else I learned?

When I'm not exercising regularly AND I'm in meetings in a board room all week, I eat poorly. It's funny, I just realized today that there is a very strong connection between eating and exercise for me. I feel like I need to fuel my body well and I make good food decisions. Not being able to exercise made me feel weaker about my food choices...

And it shows!

I'm not beating myself up here, as I am glad it happened this way. It gives me a chance to learn something and be stronger for the next time.

I could take this opportunity, instead, to berate myself, belittle my choices and give up altogether. But I have come WAY too far to let that happen.

I try to take each setback, each challenge, and glean something valuable from it. What is the point of suffering without growth?

Growing hurts, that's why there are growing pains to begin with.

Everything painful I've been through has made me stronger and wiser.

That said, think about where you are right now. Are you still beating yourself up for not keeping up with that cabbage soup diet or the unrealistic 900 calorie a day diet where you gained it all back and then some?

Learn from it. And love yourself enough to try something more realistic. Like an overall lifestyle change.

It's do-able. I should know. :)

~Clara

PUMPKIN RAVIOLI RECIPE:
(adapted from www.peak313fitness.com and Jessica Seinfeld's cookbook)

Ingredients

♦ 1 (15-ounce) can white beans rinsed and drained

♦ 1 cup canned 100% pure pumpkin

♦ 1/2 cup part-skim ricotta cheese

♦ 1/4 cup grated Parmesan

♦ 3/4 tsp garlic powder

♦ 1 large egg

♦ 72 wonton wrappers, about 1 1/2 (12-ounce) packages

♦ 1 tablespoon flour

♦ 1 1/2 cups jarred marinara sauce, microwaved 1 min or until warm

Directions

*Fill a large stockpot with water and bring to a boil. Place the beans, pumpkin puree, ricotta, Parmesan and garlic powder into a food processor. Process until smooth (I ended up mashing as my food processor is small and cheap!)

*You can cut the wontons into circles, I used my pampered chef sandwich press, just didn't press down the sandwich part. Next time, however, I will leave them in the little squares they came in - square ravioli are fine!

*brush the egg mixture around the edges of the first wonton wrap - place a tablespoon (or so) of filling onto the wrapper then seal the edges together. Place onto a cookie sheet with cornstarch or flour (I only had flour).
*put about half of the raviolis into the boiling pot of water, and when they float to the top, scoop them out! Only issue I had here was that the raviolis get sticky as soon as they get put on a plate together - will need to work with that - made it challenging for leftovers (they just got messy - lol).

These were SUPER yummy - I'm excited to try different things now that I know I can make ravioli!

Here are the nutrition facts:

8 Servings

Calories: 286
Fat: 3.9 grams (1.8 Saturated, .6 Poly, 1.0 Mono)
Cholesterol: 35 mg
Sodium: 433 mg
Potassium: 366 mg
Carbs: 48 g
Dietary Fiber: 4.3 g
Sugars: 1.1 g
Protein: 13.6 g
97% Vitamin A!

Another Race, Another Personal Best!

2011-09-10T11:16:00.001-05:00

Each race I run has a different story to it, or meaning. I did run the Tomato Trot once, and never will again. First of all, the course was very hilly (when the description said mostly flat) and it is during June, the hottest time of year here. While I love the town of Slocomb, that isn't a race I will likely repeat.

Some other races, however, have found their way into my heart.

Today I did the "Loop the Lake 5k" in DeFuniak Springs, Florida. The race proceeds benefit the American Heart Association. I did this race last year, and had put together a team of runners and walkers from Chautauqua Rehab & Nursing Center. I was blessed to be able to work with these awesome people for 8 months from 2010 - 2011. I've never so quickly been accepted and loved (and likely never will again). The employees and residents there are incredibly special to me. Last years run was tough, because I had not run 3 miles consistently during the heat of the summer.

I was determined to not only run it all the way through but to attempt blow my time out of the water.

What a difference a year makes! It was also an absolutely beautiful morning - crisp and about 68 degrees. Last year it was humid and we were sweating before the starting bell.

My time last year was 42:27.

This year I decided I would keep my pace under an 11 minute mile for as long as I could and then slow if needed. I can easily track my pace with my Garmin Forerunner. It also tells me where I am and I can calculate how much farther it is to the finish line.

The course was much like I remembered it, albeit cooler and hillier than I remember. I don't have any hills to train on in my town here so that is always challenging for me.

When I came around the corner and saw the finish line I couldn't believe it said 32 something on the finishing clock. I busted my tail to cross that finish line before it crossed over 33. I still don't know my exact time as I forgot to hit the lap button on my Garmin, but I know it was 32 something.

Whoa.

Just about 10 minutes cut off of my time from last year. AND my fastest 5k time EVER (including in the neighborhood). I am hoping the race results will be posted in a few days so I can put a true number to it.

In the meantime, here is a picture comparison.

It's neat to me to see the difference in one year. I definitely have a ways to go, but I'm pretty happy with how far I have come. Yay for progress!

As I passed people today, I was really glad I didn't outpace myself - sometimes people just shoot out of the starting line like bullets, and end up walking alot during the race. I purposely keep my head down, keep my eye on my pace, and resist the urge to sprint too early. Instead, I keep it steady, slow when necessary and speed up when I can, saving my last quarters for that last quarter mile and burn it home.

It felt amazing crossing the finish line today. My goal had been to finish much quicker than last year, but my last 5k in April I did in 35:30 so I really hoped to get under that. I'm pretty sure I have shaved another 3 minutes off of my 5k time!

My running journey should be encouragement to anyone that you can do more than you think you can, right now. Find something you really like and DO IT! There is no big mystery to changing your own blueprint - no secret, pill, or shake - you have to MOVE more than you EAT. Bottom line. And eat the right things, of course, to fuel your body to move. Unfortunately, some people refuse to try different things thinking, "I could never be a runner" or "I don't think I could swim that far" and they short themselves out of potentially surprising themselves. TRY something. Anything. Try several things. Make it fun, challenge yourself, and take time to celebrate your achievements. Watch yourself outperform your own expectations. There are few feelings in the world like it.

I've said it a hundred times and I'll say it again. I'm not special, I'm not an overachiever, I didn't get straight As in school, I never ran track in high school (in fact, they used to laugh at me running to 1st base in softball I was so slow!) and I'm not a saint. I am a normal person just like you, and every day I decide to try to make my health even better.

How fitting this race was to benefit the American Heart Association ~ since I've essentially saved my heart from dying an early death. Happy Sigh. It's going to be a great day.

~Clara

PS - how funny is this? My race number is my phone extension at work! LOL!

Birthdays, Health Scares & Diet Failures

2011-09-04T23:24:00.003-05:00

A blog post on Sparkpeople really encouraged me and inspired this post. You can find it here: Spark People Awesome Blog.

It was all about milestones, setting dates for yourself and how you can set yourself up for failure pretty easily. It started with a "how not to do this." It should resonate with anyone who ever started a diet.

Here's my story.

March 1, 2009, I turned 30 and was SO depressed about it. I was 285 pounds, hated how I looked and didn't see anything good about turning 30. A few months later I began easing into a healthier lifestyle - and after having done WW, cabbage soup, you name it, this "easing" worked so much better for me.

I say "easing" because I didn't go all hard core eat-like-I-do-today in August 2009 when I got started. Because every diet I had started had failed. Every moment of "I can't have that" made me want to eat 10 of "that." And I would.

My weight fluctuated alot after high school. I weighed around 155 at my lowest point in high school (I am 5'6) - I say lowest because I was actually starving myself to lose the weight - some of which came from being depressed from a bad breakup. I had a great friend (you know who you are) who said I should stop losing weight and they were worried about me. I found my "happiness" again and began gaining weight again. I finished high school somewhere in the 170s I think. A size 11/13. Not huge, but not skinny by any means.

I moved out of my parents house when I was 19. I was drinking alot, not getting enough sleep, hardly ever working out and eating like someone who didn't budget well for her first set of bills (literally, I forgot to factor in my car payment). I ate out all the time, getting into credit card debt too by the way...that's how you make ends meet when you don't make enough money. Wasn't that american of me?

I then met my husband and he didn't mind me not being skinny which was good. :) Then he saw how happy ice cream sundaes made me and he made me one every night - now I am NOT blaming him, but I quickly packed on some weight in the next few months and was in a panic 2 months before the wedding, I was around 200 then. I joined a fat attack type program at the gym and lost 18 pounds in a month. I weighed 181 the day I got married - in fact, there was a new panic the week before my wedding as my dress had to be altered more than intended...oops.

I fell off the wagon after the wedding and gained AGAIN. I was 21 years old and we were newly married - and frankly, I had alot to learn about cooking still. We ate out, sometimes after something I cooked didn't turn out edible (lol).

So, I joined WW again! Because it worked for me! My routine was that my weigh ins were on Thursdays - so I would go weigh in, then pick up a large pizza and eat half of it that night. THAT was healthy. Food rewards were a huge issue for me back then. I never got below 200 that time.

Then we decided we were ready to have a baby. This was 2003. I was blessed to conceive quickly, and my baby girl was born that December. I was 214 when I went in for my first dr appt. My doctor made no bones about the fact that she would be fine if I didn't gain ANYTHING while pregnant. Thanks alot. And no thanks, I'm eating all the fried chicken sandwiches my body can handle thank you very much.

I gained 51 pounds. I weighed in at 265 when I went in to deliver.

During the next year, I made it back to around 220 then crept back up to 225. Being busy, trying to eat better, etc., all "sort of" worked for me. But I joined WW one more time to see if I could get the weight off. I remember one WW weigh in where I had weighed 220 for about 8 weeks straight. The leader exclaimed, "Well, you've got maintenance figured out!" Yeah, maintaining my heftiness. Thanks lady.

I joined Curves and went pretty faithfully 3-4 times a week for awhile.

My husband sustained a serious illness in 2005 that affected us hugely. A month in the hospital, closing his business, etc., all took precedence to us being healthy. I dropped my Curves membership and slowly packed on more weight. I also dropped out of WW again, and found myself gaining and gaining...but also dealing with a crazy undiagnosed health issue so that was distracting enough.

Around the same time my husband felt a call to the ministry so we began planning to move for him to go to college. We moved in May 2007 and that meant more eating out, not having friends in a new place, traveling for work, all the things that put together mean disaster for a healthy lifestyle. When you don't know what one is, that is.

I finally got a diagnosis in April 2009 of a meningioma brain tumor in my left cavernous sinus, wrapped around my carotid artery. 90% of these tumors are benign, and that's good since we can't biopsy it due to the location. I have an MRI annually to check the size of the tumor - eventually proton or radiation therapy will be an option if the tumor starts to grow.

Suddenly, I was out of excuses.

During the time of my "mystery" illness, I felt tired, had joint pain, muscle spasms, problems sleeping, breathing, nausea, migraines, other crazy headaches and just felt terrible all of the time. I also had 3 falls in a 6 month period. Fortunately back then, I bounced.

When I pulled out the tumor symptoms, guess what was left?

Obesity & as a result, obstructive sleep apnea.

From my diagnosis in April 2009 to July 2009 I was restless. I knew I needed to do something, especially as I knew now that I was not going to die from this tumor and I could live with the symptoms.

More details on the back story here can be found in the February 2010 area of my blog so I won't rewrite it all. I'll just say my friends Barb and Heather get huge props for helping me move towards a healthier me.

I refused to call it a diet. Diet = instant failure to me. I had jumped on and off the wagon so much I wanted to do this without a wagon. I needed to walk anyway.

So I eased into it at 285 pounds. Made little changes and tweaks. I did NOT go back to the "diet that always worked for me." If it had really worked, WHY was I having to do it again? Just saying.

Didn't give anything up all the way, food wise. But my tastes changed quickly too. I no longer crave french fries at all and can only smell the grease in them. And I love a good grilled chicken breast with broccoli. Happiness on a plate. But that's now. That took time.

I didn't set my first goal until the first 20 pounds had gone. Then after 35 pounds I injured my ankle (a week into C25k mind you) and that set my training back 9 weeks (that is when I started blogging, as I was absolutely panicked that I would gain weight back). But I got back out there. And readjusted my goal again.

I've run 5, 5k races since June 2010. In a year, shaved 10 minutes off of my first 5k time.

I wanted to lose 100 pounds by the end of 2010 but I am not a 2 lbs a week loser - I'm just not. I set and reset goals constantly. Pre-pregnancy weight goal (214). Onederland goal (199). Just a month or so ago, I decided I wanted to lose 100 pounds by August 31 (2 years and a few days from my actual start date of my "easing"). And I did it. I also set goals to lose weight during the holidays. And I did, 2 years in a row.

My plan? Healthy real food, whole grain (very limited white food), lots of fruits and vegetables, no "fake" food, no processed food, no "diet" food, nothing sugar free, and yes to chocolate chip cookies in serious moderation, dark chocolate every day, and a good mix of fuel for my body overall (protein, carbs, and fat).

The next 20-30 pounds will be interesting. I would like to be "done" losing weight and ready to go into maintenance by Jan 1, but I'm not going to turn myself into a miserable, dog-kicking ogre of a person in order to do it.

A great friend asked me recently, "What will you do when you reach your weight loss goal?"

My answer? "Get up the next morning and run again." I'm not ever going to be "finished" with my healthy lifestyle. I'm in this for the long haul...and that haul is for as long as I'm blessed to wake up another day, breathing and smiling.

Life is waaay to precious and short for me to waste time wishing I could lose weight faster, or be like so and so.

I'm doing this journey on my own, and it won't look like anyone else's journey. Same could be said for you if you are on a journey of your own.

As you've seen above, I've tried alot of dieting. It wasn't until I figured out it was a healthy lifestyle that would finally "fix" me....that I was able to really work on fixing my mind, emotions, and that has resulted in fixing my body, as much as I can anyway. The brain thing is what it is...but I will say, I no longer suffer from headaches, I get *maybe* one migraine a year and I haven't fallen for no reason in awhile. No muscle spasms, and I just got the go ahead from my doctor to come off of my anti-inflammatory joint medication. Oh, and I don't have sleep apnea anymore. And no credit card debt either. Phew!

On my 32nd birthday, March 1, 2011, I ran 4 miles and felt more alive than I ever have.

The original outlook on my 30s was bleak...now they are full of possibility.

I will not tell you its the easiest thing I've ever done, but as you can see, I've had my own reasons and things I could use as "excuses." But now, eating how I do and exercising as much as I like to is pretty easy. Because it is a habit, and its just how I live my life now.

Life is what you make it. Want to make it healthy? If I can, you can. All it takes is a little determination and a huge will to live.

~Clara

PS: Some of my FAVORITE tools to help in the journey:

www.sparkpeople.com (free!)
www.bodybugg.com (my newest addition - not free, but worth every penny!)
www.google.com - I google food stuff alot! Look up super foods and try to eat lots of them each day!

What 100 Means to Me

2011-09-01T21:27:00.000-05:00

I think I underestimated how it would feel to cross over 100 pounds. Really, it wasn't that much different weight wise than 95 pounds, or even 99 pounds. So why does it feel so incredible?

Probably because it is.

100 pounds is like 10/10lb bowling balls.

100 pounds is like 25/4lb bags of sugar.

100 pounds is 2/7 year olds (mine weighs 50).

Imagine carrying any of the above around. All the time.

I almost feel like I've been freed. It happened so gradually, over the last two years, that I don't think I've really considered the sheer magnitude of 100 pounds lost.

Now that I've lost this amount of weight, I feel incredibly motivated to continue.

I feel like I can do anything.

Just 2 short years ago I had no goals or plans to do anything. I was existing.

Today I'm living.

And healthier than I've ever been in all my life.

I will go ahead and remind you all, and myself, that I'm not done. I haven't arrived. And yet I am THAT.MUCH.CLOSER to where I want to be. I'm 80% done losing weight (if 120 pounds ends up being my ultimate goal). Dude, 20 pounds at this point is ueber do-able. Seriously.

I have many many wise things to say to you all about this journey. What I've learned, how I've struggled, where I've been, what it feels like to be me, experiencing this, right now.

But tonight I just want to continue to take it all in. And bask in the amazing feeling of accomplishment. I don't yet have words to do it justice. I will though. If you know me, you know being rendered speechless is a rare occurrence and typically passes.

In the meantime, enjoy this moment with me, will you?

~Clara

Stats...a Year or 2 in Review

2011-08-27T16:29:00.003-05:00

One of the determining factors for me to travel down this journey to a healthier and longer life was my bloodwork 2 summers ago.

In August 2009, my lipid panel results were as follows:

Total Cholesterol: 235 (s/b less than 200)
HDL: 67 (s/b 40 or greater)
Triglycerides: 228 (s/b less than 150)
LDL: 122 (s/b less than 100)

So my HDLs, or good cholesterol, were pretty good. But it didn't balance out my off the charts triglycerides or LDLs. And the total number was enough to have me one 6 month check-in away from being on cholesterol medication.

At 30 years old. Not my proudest moment.

I had my once a year bloodwork done this past week.

August 2011 Results:

Total Cholesterol: 185 (down 50 points)
HDL: 52 (down 15 points)
Triglycerides: 106 (down 122 points)
LDL: 112 (down 2 points)

Do you SEE that? My Triglycerides have gone down 122 points. That is the most staggering thing to me about this new blood panel. I am elated at the progress.

This piece of paper with an encouraging note from my doctor has made my day! She thinks my LDL elevation may be hereditary since my eating/exercise are on target. I can live with that - I can also try harder. :)

No medication, no crazy dieting, I don't even take any natural cholesterol reducers. I just eat well - most of the time. And get plenty of good cardiovascular exercise.

Just 2 short years ago, when my doctor told me eating right and exercising could solve my cholesterol problem without medication, I did not believe her.

Not because I didn't think it could work.

But because I didn't think I could do it. ME.

I did it.

Now, I still have not "arrived." I still want to get my HDLs, or good cholesterol, to go up. And I'd like to get my LDLs, or bad cholesterol, down. I'm waaay happy with my triglycerides, I must admit.

And yes, I'm bragging about bloodwork. You wouldn't be reading this if you didn't want to hear it, right?

So happy Saturday to all. Just wanted to share that this isn't just an outside physical change - my insides are transforming as well. And while you can't see them - they count hugely toward your health. Do you know your numbers?

I have said it before - I will say it again. If I can do it - anyone can do it.

~Clara

Perseverance and a Plan...Both Pay Off!

2011-08-21T14:25:00.003-05:00

I have returned! 8 planes, 7 properties, 6 days, 3 rental cars and 15 meals on the road. I'm alive. I'm somewhat rested.

And I lost weight through it all last week.

Yep. Proud to announce that as of this morning I weighed in at 186.6. Just 1.6 pounds away from my 100 pound goal! I was nervous about the scale to be honest - who wouldn't be when my food options were limited to the Atlanta airport and whatever I could find near my hotel? 15 times!

But I persevered. Because I had a plan.

First off, I ran Tuesday/Wednesday/Thursday and Friday. I don't typically run 4 days in a row, but I knew I wouldn't be able to run Saturday like usual due to being on the road. So I purposefully changed up my workout each day so it wasn't too much of the same. Did weights twice. Also forgot my Ipod - so here I was at the mercy of hotel gym TVs. One had the power go out the night before so no tv at all. I literally listened to the sound of my feet pounding the treadmill for 4 miles. One guy came in to do weights while I was there and I was internally begging him to start a conversation with me to distract me. He did not - probably got out of there quickly to avoid my sweat flying all over the place. At least I had a gorgeous mountain view. :)

My eating was kept well in check. I carefully studied menus in advance, making the best choices I can. I did have a few "oops" moments. My travels were taken off course on Monday and I was 5 hours behind and completely rushed. I had to work late into the night in order to get myself back on my timeline as I had 4 properties to handle in 36 hours. I purchased a box of dark chocolate raisinets. My rule normally is to eat half and put the other half away. Well I kept eating them while I was working to help me stay awake...and ate the entire box. 390 calories later...FAIL! BUT. I checked myself, and agreed that I was not strong enough to buy them again. So I did not. I also ate a bag of chips they put in my room as a gift. Just a small bag of plain Lays. To the tune of 240 calories. I quickly recalibrated myself and vowed to do better.

And that I did!

I watched portions (which one gourmet restaurant I visited made that easy - I ordered scallops and got 2! Just 2 scallops! lol). Had them remove unnecessary things from salad (cheese and bacon - don't miss them one bit) and put my dressing on the side, only using half. Thursday night I ate by myself at an Outback Steakhouse - I researched my meal online in advance, they have a meal calculator there. Did you know NONE of their dressings are even remotely healthy? Just an fyi. Anyway - I had a 6 oz sirloin, grilled asparagus and steamed broccoli with half of the pumpernickel bread they bring you (2 pieces). It was amazing and under 500 calories. That's what I'm talking about! Also, one of the properties I visited had a gift bag of healthy snacks waiting for me - what a blessing! All fruit bars, trail mix and water. That helped alot.

I made sure if I really wanted something to budget for it. Starbucks has a mango smoothie that is super yum. Wish it wasn't a syrup thing but other than that, it tastes really good. I budgeted for the 250 calories. AND you can get a frappuccino for just 140 calories - did you know that? Caramel - grande sized, and skim milk. I'll even get the smaller one next time I need some sort of caffeine kick.

Starbucks also has oatmeal now. I ate oatmeal twice this week. I'm not normally an oatmeal person but I just might become one. At Starbucks it has 140 calories, but when you add the "mixins" which are mixed nuts (100 cals) raisins/craisins (100 cals) and brown sugar (50 cals) then you've made something healthy into an almost 400 calories cup. SO I chose the raisins/craisins and the brown sugar. It was heavenly! And really sticks to your ribs. I might just have to try oatmeal more often. I have some good recipes for pumpkin oatmeal and the like - time to experiment!

So foodwise did well. Exercise did well. Tried to get as much sleep/rest as I could. Took a 4 hour nap when I got home yesterday and then slept an easy 9 hours last night.

And lost weight. That's how its done yo.

It is less than a pound from last week (.8 to be exact) but I'm perfectly ok with that. I may wait to count my weekly weight until Tuesday morning anyway as I like to weigh on Tuesdays and the body bugg website is currently getting serviced.

Quick picture to leave you with. If you've followed my blog for awhile you know that at my heaviest, 285 pounds, I was unable to buckle the seatbelt in most airplane seats. On my last commercial flight in 2009, I covered my lap with my sweater, praying that the stewardess wouldn't ask to see my seatbelt. I was horrified and would have just died right there if I had to ask for an extender.

I slid into the seat on Monday morning and buckled. And promptly took this picture for you.

It's taken myself from above (black is my shirt, black/cream is my skirt). Look at all that slack! I must say...that felt great. I'm sure the guy next to me wondered what I was doing.

That, my friends, is what success looks like. Slack in a seatbelt I couldn't even buckle two years ago. You know, the act of buckling an airplane seatbelt sounds silly, and simple to some of you. But for me - I cannot really describe to you what that easy click and ability to tighten meant to me. Overwhelming.

I'll be writing a post later this week anyway about perspective. Read a great book recently and it made me think even more clearly about where I am and where I have come from, rather than focusing on the last frustrating 20-25 pounds I have to lose. Or focusing on the parts of my body I want to hurry up and shed fat from. I am still obese according to the BMI chart (which is laughable really as I know I don't look obese!). Then I'll be "overweight" for awhile. Really, my goal weight is still technically in the overweight range for my height.

Do I care?

As long as I'm healthy, fit, running faster and feeling good, I may always fight with the experts on that number. And I'm OK with that.

Because I can buckle the airplane seatbelt now.

Because I am no longer at risk of being diabetic.

Because I will never be on cholesterol medication.

Because I can run 5 miles without stopping.

Because I've gone from a size 24 to a size 12 in two years.

The numbers are just tools we made up to track it all. I'm completely happy with my progress, and excited to hit my 100 pound goal in the next 2 weeks!!!

Who's excited with me???

~Clara

Hit the Road Jack...but NOT Without My Plan!

2011-08-14T21:40:00.001-05:00

Hey! So a week late on the update I promised, but who is counting anyway?

I had a good week overall. Busy but good. Managed to finally lose a few more pounds - 187.4 yesterday morning. Body Bugg is still awesome. Making me REALLY honest with food. Painfully so at times. If I don't lose what I had planned to lose based on my calorie intake/output, it changes how much I must have eaten. ouch! It is true though...and that makes sense as to why my weight loss has slowed. I've gotten out of touch with tracking my food - properly. I've tracked consistently, but if you do something consistently wrong, you won't get good results. Duh. :)

It feels great to have lost a little again. I'm ready to make this a consistent thing.

Had a food revelation this week. Zaxby's is advertising some sort of sweet smokey sandwich thing. Fried chicken strips on their texas toast. It looks amazing. When I see something like that, many times I say, "I just want to try it - if I just try it then I won't be curious." I was pondering this the other day. I actually think that in some of these cases, I should not try it. Because what if I really like it? Then I will add something to my "no fry" list (like no fly - get it?). I don't need to keep adding foods there. I want to be able to enjoy whatever I love, in moderation. No need to be adventurous with crappy-for-me food, right?

What a revelation! Sorry if that was obvious to all you rock stars, but I'm thinking the new foods I try now should be ones that will be best for me...I already "like" enough not so good for me food that I take in moderation. Some things should just never make the no fry list. I'm good with that now. No amount of curiosity will beat that decision.

In a few minutes I'm going to bed so I can get up suuuper early and catch a ridiculously early flight in the morning. 5:45am to be exact.

I'll be traveling ALL week - returning home on Saturday. SO. I need a plan, right?

Food: Make the best choice possible, the entire week. This doesn't mean I won't enjoy anything I eat. I love the food I eat - the healthy food actually tastes good when you start tasting food again. My challenge will be that no matter what you eat, when you eat out you take in more sodium than normal. So if I decide to make the best choice possible at every meal, even if I slip up a little here or there, it will be ok overall.

Water: Keep it up! I don't plan on stopping my water intake. I think my water bottle will need to be empty coming into the gate, then I can refill it. I'm praying that I'm able to take it with me or I'll be bummed! I have plans for it to work out. OR I'll be buying lots of bottled water.

Exercise: DO IT - Every day. Realistically I will not be able to run every single day. Probably every other day at most - the days I'm not flying somewhere else. This trip will be challenging as I'll be flying to a new place Monday, Wednesday and Friday. AHH! So, I will likely not run tomorrow unless its later in the afternoon. I can run Tuesday morning, then Wednesday as my flight isn't too early. Then I can run Thursday morning and maybe Friday afternoon? The good part is I'll be walking alot in airports too - that never hurt a calorie burn!

So there is my plan. Sometimes just defining it is all you need to do to make sure you stay on track. So there it is. Defined, simplified, and ingrained in the brain.

As I go to bed dreaming of the spinach smoothies I'll miss this week...maybe I've made you wonder, do you have your own plan for the week?

Because if I can lose weight the week of Thanksgiving (2 years in a row), weigh less on Jan 1 then I did the previous Jan 1 (2 years in a row) all while having nursed an ankle injury back to health, changed jobs twice, and traveled like a crazy person.....what's your excuse?

GET A PLAN!

Just sayin.

~Hugs~

Clara

Anticipation

2011-08-05T21:21:00.001-05:00

I cannot believe I haven't blogged since July 23! I am alive, I promise!

Things have been very crazy, but good.

I'm getting more used to my Body Bugg! The first week weigh in ended up being the same as my ueber exciting weight the previous Saturday - which is OK as it definitely equaled what I should have lost based on my deficit.

We have been traveling since this past Sunday - which means eating out alot, being tired, off track, etc. I'm pleased to say I've kept my activity waaay up - which is good because my calories have also been up! I have maintained a good deficit in spite of all the desserts - but am still nervous about getting back on my scale on Sunday. I can't even cheat and do a preventative "oh crap will it be bad" weigh in tomorrow as we won't be home until later (and you all know my rule - I only weigh early in the morning right after a good sweaty run).

The moon is also where I am set to "gain" a few pounds of water weight so that might also just be it...I don't know. I have definitely felt "puffy" today and I hate that feeling. But I ran at lunchtime on the treadmill at the hotel gym so I am battling it well.

I will probably get up early and run again in the morning before we get in the car for the 6 hour drive home - that is alot of running for me this week but I've missed my Zumba and didn't think to bring any of my DVDs with me (silly goof) so I needed to do something. I hate the elliptical so I didn't even bother for that kind of variety. Went swimming once this week as well and we took a long family walk Wednesday night.

But like I said. I ate dessert. Every. Single. Day.

And not just the 3 dark chocolate hershey kisses I typically allow myself.

So I am looking forward to weighing in. I am interested to see what will come of it. If this whole deficit thing is for real, I should still be down a pound or two...unless my water weight makes up the difference which is quite possible.

Funny how I am looking forward to weighing in. My how the last 2 years have changed me.

I really think anticipation is a wonderful thing, and something we often miss when we are trying to be healthier. We get caught up in the other feelings, like stress, pressure, guilt, unhappiness, and even anger when we aren't "good" and don't make the best food choices, or get the workout in that we planned.

But I try to look at everything with anticipation. Does it mean I expect an incredible 4 pound loss on Sunday when I get on the scale? No. While that would be great, I'm well aware of the times I didn't make great choices this week and let my eating slip into more of a "vacation" mode. I'm also well aware of my body, where the moon is (lol) and so I anticipate a result. Maybe not great, but probably not horrible. The weigh in will be what it is. I cannot change anything now to sway it. And honestly I don't know that I would. Slow weight loss is permanent weight loss in my opinion. That is working for me.

Regardless of the result, I will not be thrown off track.

The lesson in this is not to put so much stock in the result and to enjoy the anticipation. Realizing that every good decision you make for your health will make the journey that much more exciting and rewarding.

I've indulged more than I probably should have. But I've also sweated my tail off as well hoping to mitigate some of that potential damage.

And so I happily anticipate my weigh in on Sunday. And I know, regardless of what happens, I anticipate acceptance of said result and having a great week of getting back into my routine.

It's all in how you choose to look at it. Remember, choices my friends!

Will post on Sunday afternoon after we're safely home, unpacked and rested.

~Clara

2 Milestones Reached before 8am!

2011-07-23T08:40:00.001-05:00

So I had to post today. Just had to. Reached 2 milestones this morning.

Last night I had the pleasure of meeting my new awesome friend, Jessica. She just graduated the C25k and is running her first race tonight! We live in different towns and through her mom we "met" on Facebook and follow each others' our blogs. You can see her journey here: http://thefosterfamily03.blogspot.com/. She posts some awesome recipes too.

Well she came to town and we finally met face to face - and talked until around 10pm. I was intent on exercising when I got home - I had planned to do Tae Bo and needed the calorie burn to meet my deficit goal for the day. I laced up my shoes and did my workout, finishing around 11pm.

Then this morning I went for a run at 5:30am. Did I want to get out of bed? No. In fact, I thought the alarm had been set too early by mistake. :) No mistake...made myself get up.

Thinking of my new friend and her achievements just fuels me on even more. I had planned to run with her this evening in the race, but we had our weekend plans change and instead are heading home to see family for a long weekend. Because I knew we wouldn't get to run together I set a goal for myself this morning - to beat my 5k time in her honor.

And that I did.

I ran an average of 11:02 mins/mile for a total of 34:12 in my 5k time. This is the fastest I've ever run one! Very very exciting. I have officially beat my original 5k time of 44:27 by over 10 minutes!

I guess you get faster when you get lighter, eh? I ran that race last June weighing in at 243 pounds.

Which leads me to my next milestone. I weighed in this morning a day early for the BL challenge on my SparkPeople team.

Ready?

189.4

I'm back in the 180s! Holy Canoli! Super duper exciting.

The last time I weighed in my 180s was in 2000 when I got married.

AND...I am just 4.4 pounds away from having lost 100 pounds!

I honestly cannot decide what I am more excited about!

That said, let me give you an update on my Body Bugg. I love love love it. It keeps me on track and I love how I can really see my results, both intake and output. I'm being 100% on target with tracking my food. I had gotten a little lax on that. Nice to see the effort is already working. My first Body Bugg weigh in is next Wednesday.

Dare I say I will reach 100 pounds lost in time for my journey's anniversary??? It's a stretch...I started mid-August of 2009. I think I can...I think I can...

Off I go...will post later how its going!

And here's a shout out to the 180s - very nice to be back...It's been 11 years. I don't plan on staying long, but you hold great things for me, including my 100 pounds lost goal, so I am REALLY glad to see you. :)

~Clara

I Am Bugged!

2011-07-21T20:07:00.001-05:00

Hey, I'm back!

I wanted to do a mini product review for you today. Sounds official, eh? Well, it is only day 1 of using my Body Bugg but I am super excited about it and wanted to throw my first impressions out there.

A Body Bugg is a device you wear on your upper left arm that somehow (magic?) measures your true calorie expenditure throughout the day including your workouts and just general breathing, walking around, etc. You sync that information with your food intake online on their website and you shoot for a certain calorie deficit each day. That deficit, added up over a week, should equal weight loss (different amounts based on how much you want to lose).

The challenge I've been having with my weight loss lately has been twofold - having too wide a range of calories to stay in and then I think I've been underestimating my food intake as well. An article I read said that we underestimate our calorie intake by 20-40%. I really do think that was part of my more recent challenge. I also have less to lose and that factors in as well - SO I was ready for some help.

So it took a week to get here and I was going nuts waiting on it. But the package arrived on Tuesday evening and I set out to set it up right away. Unfortunately it would not charge...called Customer Service on Wednesday and turns out the USB they sent me was bad. SO - I had an extra around the house (who doesn't?) and managed to get it charged and set up. ***side note*** customer service was EXTREMELY helpful...and threw in an extra 2 months subscription (you get 6 months with purchase) to the online program.

I wore it to bed last night. I didn't expect much but when I woke up it said I had burned over 700 calories while I was sleeping! Nice start.

I went for a run this morning - just a few miles with intervals due to time and it being HOT but I still burned a good 450ish calories - which was estimated to be more than my Garmin says I was burning when running...(the Garmin just uses your weight, speed, distance etc to determine that - no sensors involved).

An extra item I purchased with it is a watch that shows throughout the day what I've burned. It has a "trip" button I can hit to only measure certain things (like a workout) and it also doubles as a watch and isn't too bulky so that is nice. Throughout the day I could see how many calories I had burned doing my every day activities. It also measured my steps as well.

Along with the purchase I will get a 30 minute coaching session with someone from Body Bugg. I'm excited about that - so I can really decide what goals make the most sense for me. For now, I've set out to lose 22 pounds by October 30th (from 191 - 169). That is 1.5 pounds per week. It would put my body fat just under 25% which would be awesome! I would weigh what I did in high school again. Still might have another 10 from there, but its a good first goal.

My daily deficit goal is 750 calories. For now. If this thing works I may go up to trying to lose 2 pounds a week. Or not. Lets just see how I feel and be sure I'm not hungry or cranky. No one wants that...

So far so good folks. Will post after I have my coaching session. I think it will be interesting as they don't have to teach me healthy living (haha) just how to use their device and program.

I like burning calories by my sheer existence. That makes me happy. Ooh - I'm burning calories by typing. Like right now. Neat. Deficit here I come!

~Clara

Update on Operation Shrink-a-Booty

2011-07-11T21:17:00.000-05:00

So my first week + of not counting calories has been interesting. My weight is up today for my BL weigh in (they are Sunday weigh ins and I don't like Sunday or Monday - my best weight is Tuesdays!). But not by alot, just a pound or so. I traveled over the weekend and still did pretty well all things considered. I make it a point to exercise while vacationing so I was alone on Saturday morning in the hotel gym running my 5k. The only crazy up and not at breakfast! :) It's also my time to gain some water weight so I'm not shocked about the scale today...

Strange though...

Funny thing is, I bought a pair of size 12 capris this weekend and wore them to work today. Size 12. I actually realized today that I have not ever bought a size 12. When I was in high school, I wore a 9, then an 11, then a 13. Went straight to a women's 14. Never wore a 12. Isn't that funny? I've bought a few skirts in size 12, but putting something on over your butt and thighs and then buttoning and zippering - that was a first for me with that size this weekend.

All that to say that while the scale isn't moving my way, I know for a fact that my body is still changing for the better. I was even complimented on my shoulders today - someone told me they were pretty. I never imagined I would have pretty shoulders. Thumbs up for Strength Training! Now to continue working on the biceps and triceps....that will just come with time and more fat loss I'm sure.

I am realizing too that my body fat % on my scale is out of whack. It says I am 41% body fat. I don't see how that is possible...

I'm not tiny in this picture by any means...but I am definitely not 41% body fat! So I'm on a quest now to figure out what my real body fat % is. Maybe won't get to that myself anytime soon...but one of these days. I might just have to buy some calipers!

For now, I know I'm doing the right things and I'm feeling great. I ran 5k this morning with a friend, and did Zumba tonight. Planning to run again in the morning. Will get another workout or two in on Wednesday. I'm going to push that scale in the direction that I want to see it move.

Dang it. :)

My mantra this week is this: Each drop of sweat brings me closer to where I want to be. Each indulgence sets me back.

Fewer setbacks this week are on my menu. Looking forward to a good loss next week.

~Clara

Decisions, decisions...

2011-07-03T18:37:00.001-05:00

My ponderings last week have led me to make some decisions this week about my current blueprint.

The amazing thing about my journey is it has been so fluid. When something is not working for me, I assess the situation and try to determine what I need to do to make a change.

I haven't lost more than 2 pounds and kept it off in a month. It is crazy. I had a wildly successful May and then a not so successful June. I began doing the zig zag method of calorie counting but it became really complicated and I ended up zagging (adding more calories) on days when I didn't need to. Do I believe the Zig Zag method works? Absolutely - because it is about not letting your body go into homeostasis, by keeping it guessing. Will it work for me? Maybe one day. But not right now.

So I have made a courageous and scary decision for right now.

I'm not going to count calories for the month of July.

GASP!

I usually eat in the Sparkpeople range (1360 - 1730 for my activity level) but I almost feel like I eat as much to the top of my range when I might not really need to. And eating in my range, but not losing weight consistently is making me crazy. SO, I need a break.

I'm not taking a break from Sparkpeople altogether...I'm planning on staying in contact with my teams there and participating in the July BL challenge...but I'm feeling entrepreneurial right now and want to give myself a chance to try something brave and outside the box again.

This may totally flop. I may post in a week or two telling you I've gained 5 pounds and I need to get back into tracking my food. I'm willing to take that risk.

Or, this could be wildly successful and I may post soon that I've found my groove again and am losing and feeling less psycho about my food intake. It may be that I know enough about nutrition, my body, and how to tell if I'm hungry or not that I will figure out how to do this without being a crazy calorie counter.

Did I mention I lost my first 40 pounds before ever finding SparkPeople and without counting one calorie? Don't get me wrong, I love love love that online community and they have helped me lose another 50 pounds. But I'm getting a little obsessive and I don't like feeling that way.

I did it on my own without the stress of tracking every bite before.

And its worth trying again. In fact, I haven't tracked in 3 days and have lost another pound. Coincidence? Maybe. But maybe not...

The best part is that there isn't just one way to do this healthy lifestyle stuff. The key is to find YOUR way and go that way. And be ready to tweak, tweak, tweak along the way to keep it interesting, keep your head straight, and avoid ruts and plateaus.

I'm almost 2 years into this and trust me, you have to keep it real, keep it fluid and be willing to change courses every now and then to make it work.

I would not be where I am today if I wasn't willing to do that.

Will keep you posted my friends! Thanks for following and encouraging me. It's a blessing to know I have peeps out there checking in on my progress. Definitely helps with accountability.

Have a great 4th. We have 2 BBQs, one tonight and one tomorrow. But I know what I am having at both and have made healthy choices all weekend SO lets see where that takes us.

~Clara

PS: Starting this "challenge" with my most recent weigh in of 192.8...here's to a successful July!

Ponderings

2011-06-27T21:25:00.000-05:00

I started watching this show, the Extreme Makeover, Weight Loss Edition. If you haven't seen it, basically instead of the Biggest Loser "game" they take one person at a time through a 365 day transformation in a one hour show. The last few weeks they had guys on there, and tonight they had a girl. The emotional difference this week is incredible to me and I was moved to tears just moments ago as the show started.

I remember what it felt like, not to be 433 pounds as I never passed 300, but I was almost 300 pounds. I was 285 pounds. Knocking on 300's door. Just a few months away from it really.

I look at her face and the tears rolling down it as she is on the scale facing that number.

I remember being so embarrassed when my doctor pointed out the "fatty hump" that had appeared on the back of my neck.

I see the determination in her eyes and then the pain through her tough first workout.

I remember my feet bleeding when I first started walking regularly...because I couldn't reach my toenails to trim them and was too proud to ask for help.

I see her struggle with her eating, learning what and how to eat.

I remember shoving back feelings of remorse after a huge meal (pretty much every meal was a huge meal) and wanting to hide instead of having anyone see me eat.

I hope with all of my athletic accomplishments that I never forget what it felt like to hurt walking out to the mailbox.

I hope I never, ever disconnect myself from who I once was.

I hope I can help others realize their own potential through my trials and tribulations.

I hope that people are inspired by my story...realizing that their own story is waiting to be realized.

There is potential in us all. Will we all be marathoners? Probably not. I don't think I will. But we can all do something more than we are doing today.

You might think I've accomplished so much that I'm levels above people who are still struggling.

You are wrong.

There is only one difference between me and the person still struggling.

Determination.

There is a fire in my belly and my heart is more committed than ever to being healthy. I will see my goal reached in a few months. But the hard work will continue, forever.

I can hope all day long, but I know I will never stop trying to be stronger and healthier. My life will never be the same. And neither will hers.

That, my friends, seriously rocks.

~Clara

She Believed She Could...So She Did!

2011-06-21T19:41:00.000-05:00

Quote by Suzanne Berry

Exciting day for me today. I ran 5 miles non stop for the first time ever! This is HUGE! My furthest distance up to today was 4.5 miles and that was a few months ago.

I had planned on trying to get to 10k distance by fall since the heat of summer is upon us. Well, a few mornings have been pretty cool. Last week I ran 4 miles one day. So I decided I was going to go for 5 miles. And today...I did!

Part of why it was successful is that I was completely mentally prepared. I had decided I physically could do it. Then I decided I really wanted to do it. Then I decided to tell some people I was going to do it.

What kept me going that last half mile (which was haaard) was knowing I would have really achieved something and how exciting it would be to tell people about my accomplishment.

I ran it in 58 minutes. I feel like that is pretty good (avg mile time of 11:44). My 5k record is 35:30, an average of 11:30 minutes per mile. I'm not the fastest person, but I really didn't slow much to add almost 2 miles to my 5k. In fact, when I ran 4 miles last week I ran it with an average of 11:22 mpm.

SO I am a happy camper today. Feet a little sore, left knee tender and left ankle (my bad ankle) a little sore. I was also nauseous for awhile after I ran until I refueled with a blueberry, banana, spinach, almond milk and chocolate whey protein shake (yuuuum!).

But overall I can't believe how great I feel. And that feeling of accomplishment is SO worth a little bit of nausea and soreness. I'll be flying high on this one for awhile.

So if you are sitting there reading this and thinking, "man, I could never do that." Well, you are me, exactly 2 years ago.

The difference?

I believed I could. And I did.

You can too!

Clara

Getting my Zig and Zag on...

2011-06-19T18:41:00.001-05:00

Hola! Here is my latest comparison photo: June 2009 - June 2011, 94 pounds lost:

Things for me are quite busy but doing well. I had a good weigh in this past Thursday, officially 94 pounds down again (ha). Man, I can see 100 pounds down. I'm almost there. Maybe soon?

So I'm researching a caloric intake method that has peaked my interest. I've looked into it briefly in the past and then moved on...but the more I read, the more I'm convinced it is worth a try.

The goal is to Zig Zag your calorie intake to trick your body out of the starvation mode it goes into when you drastically cut calories. I actually do this quite by accident - usually have a day I'm over during the week at some point; but I don't do it intentionally and not necessarily with the best food choices. Here is what a Zig Zag week should look like for my weight, height and activity level:

Sunday	1536
Monday	1536
Tuesday	1844
Wednesday	1536
Thursday	1536
Friday	1690
Saturday	1536

The theory behind it is that in order to build muscle, you have to add calories in, and in order to burn fat, you need to reduce calories. So the average "dieter" reduces calories by alot to try to drop pounds but sacrifices muscle in the interim.

I actually think that this has been part of why my weight loss is slow. That I'm building muscle at the same time as burning fat by not being crazy restrictive. BUT I try to stay around 1400 calories/day and am not seeing the results I want to given how crazy active I am. AND I don't always make the best food choices when I go over my goal. One article I read suggested that instead of just eating more, maybe try adding a protein shake after a workout. Novel idea - I just bought some new whey protein so great timing.

Really, my goal isn't to lose this last 30 pounds overnight. Duh, right? Instead I'd like to really understand how to continue building muscle and burning fat. I want to really support my athletic ventures, get faster and stronger at running, and continue to see some beautiful muscles emerge.

As much as I exercise, I also need to be sure I'm eating enough. So here goes nothing. I'm going to try this zig zag thing and see if it works for me. I'm going to give it two weeks starting with today. I'm hoping we see some real results, again, not looking for "fast" weight loss but good muscle building and fat burning is my goal.

Will keep you posted.

~Clara

Tried a Blog Break...and Look What Happened!

2011-06-11T22:51:00.001-05:00

Hey Everyone!

I am so sorry I have been MIA since end of May! It has been crazy with several unplanned last minute trips for work that turned EVERYTHING upside down.

I also planned a mini-blog break, that I wasn't really intentionally keeping secret, so I could focus on working on my book. Well, I have had lots of ideas swarming and yet not the progress I was hoping for. But tonight as I was writing a confession message to my SparkPeople Biggest Loser team for June, it became a blog post. And here we are.

These past few days have resulted in some scary realizations. And some very very bad choices.

SO. I'm here to confess. Ready for it?

On Tuesday I learned that I would be traveling to TN and VA on Wednesday (there and back in the same day via plane - I live in FL but work in AL). SO I was in 4 states that day. I'm pleased to say that I started off with a green smoothie, ate a larabar for snack on the way to the event, then was veeeery careful at the buffet. Mostly fruit, veggies and some crackers/cheese (just 3 cubes of cheese). And...3 chocolate covered strawberries. Still not that bad. I was pumped and proud of myself.

Thursday morning I was glad to be back in my office and then decided I had to go to Lakeland, FL for work. I had to leave within an hour of finding out and since I was driving (6+ hours) I rushed home to pack my bags, find someone to watch my dog and hit the road. I tried really hard to pack my running clothes. Got as far as my shoes, sweatband and sports bra...but just one problem. No clothes to wear to the hotel gym. And all I had otherwise was denim and my suit. SO. I did not run on Friday morning as I planned to.

Let's back up a bit as to why me not exercising one day would be THAT big an issue.

On Thursday for lunch we ate at my favorite BBQ place and I had smoked turkey, cole slaw, baked beans, and, wait for it, 2 pieces of garlic toast. Seriously. Seriously? So I figured I'd eat a light dinner. WRONG. Instead I opted for a fried chicken sandwich, waffle fries AND a milkshake. Did you hear me? A milkshake. Oh and a diet coke. Quadruple-past-life-whammy.

I began feeling a little...OUT.OF.CONTROL.

The next morning we had the breakfast buffet at the hotel (greeeat). One biscuit, one piece of bacon, a spoonful of gravy and a bowl of strawberries and pineapple and small glass of OJ. Was a little proud of myself even. Not terrible. I could have made a waffle and slathered peanut butter and syrup on it.

AND then there was lunch. We ate at a great mexican restaurant as I was craving avocado (i.e. guac). Their guacamole was pretty healthy but I'm sure the chips were not. And instead of opting for a salad without the cheese and salsa as my dressing, I opted for one chicken enchilada and one chicken and bean tostada. I only had one bite of the creamy potatoes they serve with it and didn't touch the refried beans. But I was so stuffed to the gills that I didn't feel good. Sheer volume of food even if the choices weren't the worst.

I continued letting the wagon drag me and I had a hot fudge sundae from McDonalds with extra fudge and a bacon cheeseburger for dinner. I did make one good choice at dinner and opted for a side salad instead of the fries. Because really, I don't like fries anymore at all. Thank God!

Today would have been the day to redeem myself.

Did I?

NO.

Great run this morning followed by a green smoothie. On the right track. Lunch was half a cheeseburger and half a chicken sandwich (hubby and I split it). We threw away the onion rings as, much like french fries, they taste like grease. WIN! Followed by a HUGE LOSE when we split a large bag of popcorn AND I ate a bag of pretzel M&Ms (2 servings worth).

Tonight at dinner I had two things.

A leftover turkey burger. And a huge side of remorse.

It serves to remind me that I am not "healed" from my former issues with food. I'm beginning to realize that much like an addict, I will always be just one cheeseburger away from the edge of the healthy wagon I've been driving for so long. It's like I'm driving (blogging, logging into spark people every day to track my food), then I decide to be a passenger and watch for a while (i.e. blog break and slipping on my daily tracking). And eventually I just jump off the back and let it drag me for a little while.

And much like any type of sin in one's life....once the dust settles, day breaks and you are once again where you should be, the poor decisions made are like open gaping wounds.

These wounds cause you to question your own integrity even. What kind of example am I? What kind of person preaches good health and wise decisions and then goes on a 5,000 calorie spree in a weekend of weakness?

I'll tell you what kind.

A REAL person. And I've never been anything but real with you folks.

So this blog really is embarrassing to me. It is tough to admit I've failed. It is challenging for me to suck it up and say, hey, look at the damage I've done these last four days.

And besides just the sheer issues the scale and I will face in the next few days...imagine how sick to my stomach I feel. Not just from guilt. More from my body rejecting all this crazy and unnecessary junk I literally inhaled this last few days.

So if you are on a really good track right now, please PLEASE let my failings these last 3 days keep you on track and help you realize it is not worth the ick I'll be going through the next few days. Have a treat every now and then but good gracious, don't jump off the wagon without a parachute or a rope.

As typical of me, my failing has helped me learn a few MAJOR lessons I'll share.

1) It is NOT NOT NOT worth it. I would trade all the cheeseburgers and milkshakes in the world for my stomach not to feel so bleh right now. I would also feel so accomplished had I made healthy decisions 90% of my time with all this travel. I would have been that much stronger. I KNOW it is possible. I lost most of my weight when my job required me to travel regularly. Every place I visited had healthier choices than I made. Ick. It's also not worth the mental anguish I'm going through tonight as I realize just how badly I treated my innards this week.

2) Much like running and athletics, food choices and healthy living are MOSTLY mental. What does that mean exactly? It means that when you DECIDE in advance you will eat healthy, you will. I did not take the time to make any conscious decisions besides jumping off the back of that wagon. And I didn't try to get back on. Good thing my foot was caught by a rope (this blog and all of you). I'm climbing on now, sheepishly, humbly, and validly embarrassed. 3 days into gastro-distress. So much like running, when I feel like stopping at 2 miles, but push myself and end up running 4 miles, I know for a fact that I am capable of making better choices. I just have to keep pushing myself past that challenging situation and triumph in each leg of this race, one good decision at a time.

3) The occasional treat every now and then is necessary. I think the stricter you are, the more you set yourself up for a huge binge and FAIL. Which is why I always harp about dieting not working. That isn't necessarily what happened in my case as I'm pretty much an 80/20 girl, but even so. I obviously had wanted a milk shake for awhile and just suppressed that feeling. Should have just bought some mildly healthy ingredients and made myself one at home! Much safer than the 570 calorie, 26 gram of fat one I consumed at chick fil a...when you deprive for too long you can end up with weaker resolve. Had I had just ONE less-than-perfect decision each day I could have probably stayed in my calorie range. OOPS.

I may have lost this battle. But I WILL win this war. Am I disappointed in myself? Sure! Do I wish I could have a redo? Of course! But I also believe in the value of lessons learned. During this journey, I have learned that each failure becomes an opportunity if I so choose to look at it that way.

And I see the opportunities here. To share with you my struggles. To become stronger and more conscious of my decision making going forward. To make planning such a priority that I stop everything I'm doing to plan my next meal or meals if I'm traveling.

I have more travel and events coming up this week. And I am right now planning to make as many good choices as possible.

Thanks for listening, and ultimately for forgiving me of my failings. I've forgiven myself and already feel better. Because I know that while I might slip up again in the future, I'll never fully go back to who I was before. And I will lose this last chunk of weight in 2011.

Forever.

~Clara

Starts with Planning, Ends with Jeans.

2011-05-28T21:01:00.001-05:00

I had a great week. Really, all around great week. Very busy, but managed to stay on track. How? Good planning.

I brought my lunch every day this week except Tuesday when I was traveling for work (where I opted for a grilled chicken breast and veggies for lunch). So the other days I made brilliant salads. Dark greens, protein, and healthy salad dressing goodness.

Did really well at dinner too all week. Even considering my travel I still cooked every night.

Also kept up with my activity. Just 200 calories short of 4000 burned for the week. Will be getting on the exercise bike in a few minutes to finish that off.

It really all comes down to planning.

For exercise, every day I decide what activity I will do for exercise the next day. Some days are pre-planned, like my Monday night Zumba. But this Monday night there is no Zumba since it is a holiday. Therefore I'm already thinking about what I will do instead.

For eating, we grilled tonight. I roasted sweet potatoes and boiled corn. Grilled some zucchini with the pork steaks. It all tasted amazing. Had a lowfat brownie with strawberries and whip cream for dessert. Stayed well within my calorie range. But feel very satisfied and the food was awesome.

I weighed today and I'm down to 191.4. Another 2.2 pounds. I'll believe it Tuesday morning (official weigh in day) if it looks that good then. But if that is so, I've lost 94 pounds.

SOOOOO close to 100 pounds down. I can see it. I'm rounding the bend. And when I cross that 100 pounds down line I'll keep running to reach my final goal {approximately 20-30 more pounds depending on a variety of factors}.

Last weekend I bought a new pair of jeans. They are Lee which I'm not usually a big fan of, but these had a really cute cut to them and are a size 14 (which for the record my Nine West jeans that are size 14 are getting too baggy - it is my opinion that Lee runs small). I wore them to work yesterday and loved them so much I'm going back tomorrow to buy a size 12 and size 10 to hang on to for future fit. I hesitated a little bit to buy the 10s as I haven't been that size since high school, but if I drop a size for every 10-15 pounds, then I will probably make it to a 10. And that might be it.

But I've become less convinced that I really know my "end" goal weight as time continues on. I've said 165 many times, which would be 120 pounds down. The weight I was at my thinnest in high school was about 155. BUT I was not the athlete then that I am today. So with the crazy leg muscles I have now (I promise to post some pictures later this week), I'm not sure 155 would cut it.

I know this...I refuse to sacrifice my athletic ability to be "skinny."

I just really want to be fit. I read a great blog on Sparkpeople today about banning "skinny" and going for fit.

I really feel that is where I want to be. I want to have a flat stomach, cut, fit arms, and shapely legs. I'd like my thighs not to touch and my back to be smooth.

I'd like my jeans to look good on me, but I don't really care what size they are. If the 10s are my final goal jeans, and we determine that in about 25 pounds, then so be it. If I never make it out of the 12s but I look good and run fast, then who cares?

Not me.

But if I find myself continuing to lose but continuing to achieve my fitness goals and increase my strength, then we'll go that route.

It's not called a journey for nothing.

I'm in it for what's best for me. New jeans or no new jeans.

There is WAY less pressure on this side of healthy. I cannot even tell you how liberating this realization has been for me.

Won't you join me?

~Clara

And the Winner is...

2011-05-25T21:14:00.001-05:00

ME!

I had my official weigh in yesterday...and my official weigh in weight was 193.8. I broke the 195 barrier FINALLY! It wasn't without hard work - and that awesome eating cleanse I did last week really jumpstarted me back in the right direction. Plateau? Toast.

I worked really hard too. That counts - lots of exercise and activity. I earned it!

I have to say I've done really well since coming off the cleanse (unofficially already down to 193 this morning). I have been more conscious of getting my veggies in, as well as not eating for no reason.

Take today for example. I packed leftover chicken and spinach enchiladas for lunch. I had 2 enchiladas which was a little more than I might normally have but I didn't bring any snacks so I was hungry. At dinner we made turkey burgers and it just worked out that Stephen did not put cheese on mine (100 calories save) AND I was going to make sweet potatoes to go with it but we ran out of time, SO I ended up doing carrots and light ranch with our turkey burgers. That's it. A few years ago that wouldn't have even qualified as a snack. Tonight it was delicious and filling! And got my veggies in.

Yesterday morning I did a short run as I had a work trip to fly out for early in the morning. I did sprints and luck had it that my Garmin had run out of juice so I don't even know how I did. I estimated I probably only burned 250 calories which is below my 600-700 plan for most days of the week. Today I decided to make up for it. Ran 5k this morning burning 602 calories, then biked 12 miles on my recumbent bike tonight for another 700+ calorie burn while I watched the finale for the Biggest Loser.

{side note - I'm pretty proud of myself that I managed to miss any news on who won the show and watched it tonight - it was awesome!}

So today I burned over 1334 calories and ate 1359. I don't recommend going that crazy in one day I just felt good and wanted to make up for lost sweat equity yesterday.

I saw this quote tonight on someone's facebook status that really resonated with me:

There's a difference between interest and commitment. When you're interested in doing something, you do it only when it's convenient. When you're committed to something, you accept no excuses; only results.

WOW, right?

I feel like it sums up what I've been saying for about 21 months now. I am not just INTERESTED in losing weight and getting healthy. I am COMMITTED to it.

I spoke to a woman at the grocery store the other day when she commented on my healthy food in the cart - she assumed I had always been the size I am today. I had to show her my before picture.

Think about that. I talk to many people who ask me a few curious questions here and there about my journey. They are impressed, but you can tell that many cannot fathom that I've done the hard work. Sometimes I feel like they are waiting for me to tell them that I got a shot and the weight fell off.

It's not that easy.

I'm "interested" in alot of things. Reading books - though I rarely finish one. Playing piano - though I hardly ever get to practice. The beach - hardly ever go.

I'm "committed" to just a few special things in my life. My husband. My daughter. My God. My health.

My health finally ranks somewhere in the commitment side of my life vs just being something I'm interested in fixing. Or wishing I could change.

Because I have changed it. And I'm not done morphing. But man, am I on the fast track to success.

In 8 more pounds I will have reached 100 pounds down. I will still have some to go (20-30 pounds depending on how I look and feel). But I will have seen something all the way through to completion. Using my commitment.

There are only a few things in life I can say I'm committed to.

And living my life the best way possible is now one of them.

~Clara

Packaging

2011-05-23T20:47:00.000-05:00

So I came home from work today to a package I had both looked forward to...and dreaded.

How could I feel such mixed emotions?

I'll tell ya. Because I ordered a bathing suit online (insert cheers and boos together).

I've tried a few suits on this past few months at local stores with NO luck. I have to have one that ties around the neck for support. And I am not at all OK with my thighs in their current state so I decided I needed a short skirt.

How do I find that without looking like my mom? (no offense, mom!)

I actually think last year's bathing suit shopping was better than this years. Maybe because I actually filled out the suit - whereas now, I have more "flab" if that makes sense. Think deflated balloon. Well, sort of, I need to be a little fair to myself. Imagine how bad it would be if I didn't exercise like I do!

Well I went into my room and put the bathing suit on...and...drum roll...LOVED IT! I thought at best it would be "ok" but I ended up really really liking it! So much so that I'm contemplating putting a picture on my blog of me in it. I said contemplating. Won't happen tonight...but maybe this week! My husband loved it too. :)

It is a multicolored tankini with a short skirt bottom.

So the website I use is www.swimsuitsforall.com. They have all sorts of sizes and when I was a 20 I got my first suit from there. Last years' suit came from Old Navy which was a fluke. I'm so super excited I can't wait until I have somewhere to wear it! I need to fix my tan line as I have a permanent racer back tan line from running in my tanks.

So there it is for you folks. I love my new bathing suit. Man, that makes me happy. I'm going back to their website to see if they have any other colors on clearance that I can't live without. Yippee!!!

That's it for tonight - I tried to take a "picture" of the magazine page with the 5 day Cleanse that I did last week on it but alas I could not attach it for some reason. I would be glad to email it to anyone who wants it, just drop your email addy in my comments box.

Happy Week to you ALL!

Clara

PS - tomorrow morning is weigh in - should have a good post tomorrow night to wrap up last week's cleanse!

Day 5 - GOOOOAL!

2011-05-20T12:34:00.000-05:00

SO I made it to Day 5. Well halfway through it anyway. Just have my yummy wrap for dinner and then I'm DONE with this 5 day cleanse.

I knew I'd be too busy tonight so here is my blog for this final day.

Here are the things I have learned and reconfirmed during this challenge.

1) Just because it's there doesn't mean I have to try it. Believe it or not there was a HUGE basket of temptation brought into the office today. It was full of muffins, cookies, brownies and seriously, HUGE. Once again I filled up my water bottle and moved along. Each time I do that I feel THAT MUCH STRONGER!

2) Healthy food is yummy. Once you acquire a taste for certain different foods, like raw spinach, greek yogurt, brown rice, etc., you start to realize that natural flavors taste really good! My banana smoothie for breakfast this week was to die for! Pretty sure that and other versions of smoothies for breakfast are here to stay.

3) Exercise is SO worth the time and effort. Getting out of bed early in the morning is REALLY hard for me. I hate getting up earlier than "necessary." But exercise is now necessary! And I always feel a million times better for it. All that sweat = pounds melting off. Without exercise, my fuel is pointless.

4) My eating plan had slacked off...I needed a FOOD-lift! It was too easy for my eating to slide - a little bit of this here, ok, just one of those. White bread this time? ok, if that is all there is. Big portion? Of course, I ran 4 miles today and I'm starving! This week reminded me that I had food rules for a reason. And controlling portions is such a big factor - I have proven this week that I can eat smaller portions and be satisfied. When I watch my portions and follow my own food rules consistently, the scale and I are best buds. So I'm going back to the basics this weekend, reading my earlier blogs and giving myself a much needed Food-lift.

5) Nothing tastes as good as good choices feel. There is nothing I have had a craving for this week that I thought would be worth me making a bad choice. Now, this is only a 5 day challenge so that made it easier knowing that soon enough I would be "free." But really, nothing was worth derailing me. And if you've read my blogs this week you'll know I came into contact with ALOT of potential derailments. Each time I walked away, politely declined and crunched on my spinach salad I felt...

EMPOWERED

STRONGER

DETERMINED

PROUD OF MYSELF

HAPPY

Me, Will Power and Self Control - we're tight. And we are a force to be reckoned with. More to come in the next few days as I come off of this cleanse and ease back into my healthy lifestyle (with the food-lift of course).

~Clara

Day 4 Jumpstart...80% DONE!

2011-05-19T21:22:00.001-05:00

Day 4...CHECK!

Today I avoided donuts at work. I'm telling you, I go on a strict eating regimen for 5 days and then all food heck breaks loose around me. Lunch catered in Monday and an all day meeting complete with a gallon of available candy, ice cream social on Tuesday, then donuts at work this morning.

Guess how much of all of that I consumed?

NONE! ZIP! ZERO! ZILCH!

Remember those friends I talked about a few months ago? Will Power and Self Control? They hung with me in full force this week. I seriously heart them.

Pretty sure they (and a few good lunch buddies) are why I still lost weight at my last job despite the almost daily from scratch desserts that showed up. Those healthcare people can EAT!

So all in all, the scale is whispering sweet nothings (rather excitedly) this week but I won't talk much about it until my official weigh in on Tuesday. All I will say is that I believe I really got the jumpstart I needed...

....and I should probably start the pre-planning for my 100 pounds lost party in June.

Don't get too excited...this doesn't mean I'm almost there...but I'm definitely on my way by all reasonable calculations.

Man, I say I'm not going to say anything and there I go spilling 3,000 clues. Oh well, to know me is to love me.

One very cool thing I have noticed is my waistline. I wish I had measured my waist on Sunday - I promise you, it is smaller. Visibly so. Gah for not having measured. Please if you are on a weight loss journey and you don't do measurements now, please start doing monthly. Seeing a total number of inches can be as motivating as seeing the numbers on the sale move. I'm disappointed I can't see numbers but very happy I can still see CHANGE.

Check out this girl on Sparkpeople who has visual comparisons of similar weights and different sizes:

160 pounds across 4 sizes!

I don't have much else to say since the food is the same every day (ha). Had a good run this morning and thought about doing another workout this evening but decided to give myself a little break and do another workout in the morning along with my long run Saturday morning.

There you have it - will be very happily blogging Day 5 (the LAST day) tomorrow!

~Clara

Day 3 Jumpstart...Rounding the Bend!

2011-05-18T12:04:00.000-05:00

So I'm blogging on my lunch break - I never do this, but I have a plan to be in bed by 9pm tonight. I've gone to bed at 10pm or later the past 3 nights which has made it harder to wake up and work out and even harder to get to work on time. It throws everything off. SO. Tonight is 9pm. I don't care if the dog is still awake. I won't be.

I'm 60% done with this jumpstart plan!!!

Day 3 is going well! Just finished my amazing spinach salad. I love love love it. It will likely become a staple. I'm feeling really good. Rode 10 miles on my exercise bike this morning while watching last night's Biggest Loser on hulu.com (no cable). I just love that show, it is so inspiring. Those women are making me see myself in the future where they are - and I totally see how attainable my goals are.

I debated on whether or not to post this, but today I'm down another 2 pounds - got on the scale just to see, not officially weigh in and I was surprised though I thought I noticed a slight difference in my waistline. The reason I debated is this - *results not typical.* I don't want any of my blog followers to stop what they are doing if they are seeing success to do this. Because it is a short term metabolism boost and should only be reserved for plateaus. I have not lost 4 pounds in a week since my first week in August 2009 when I began this journey. And who knows how the week will shake out - I may gain again by the end of the week. So, please pay attention to this disclaimer - this is not something that everyone even should do. But I am glad to say it seems to be working for me and the purpose was to jump start my weight loss again. I needed a recharge!

While it is working for me, the hard work actually begins when this ends. I can gain every bit of it back if I go on a free-for-all come Saturday and beyond. But I am aware of this and planning on NOT letting that happen. And I'm encouraged that I should hit 90 pounds down very soon (I'm at 195.6 so just .6 away!) and I'm that much closer to 100 pounds lost!

Man, I can't wait to write that blog post...the 100 pound party.

When I started this journey it was soooo far away I couldn't even imagine the feeling. Now I have butterflies just thinking about how it will happen and trying to decide how we will celebrate. This year. Maybe even in the next few months. WOW!!!

So there it is - an update, a disclaimer and a hopeful prophecy.

See you on Day 4!

~Clara

Day 2 Jumpstart...

2011-05-17T20:38:00.000-05:00

I made it through Day 2! Yeah!

It wasn't terribly hard today. Experienced a bit of nausea but that could very well be related to the week and the moon if you know what I mean. Overall I feel good and I managed to avoid eating ANY ice cream at the ice cream social we had at work this afternoon for employee appreciation week.

I had a good run this morning, had limited time due to getting out later than normal but it was good nonetheless. I drank half of my banana smoothie before going out and the other half when I got back. Perfection!

One variance today was that I added a tablespoon of light ranch dressing to my wrap at dinner. It was a nice addition, but I could easily just add salsa and be fine.

Another slight variance is I was dying for something sweet tonight after dinner. I made the family raspberry/peach/banana smoothies and I had half a cup of one. (like literally half a cup). I'm sure that won't kill me...

It sure was challenging making yummy spaghetti for my family and not eating any - so while their noodles cooked I ate my wrap. We all kind of ate all over the place tonight and it worked out ok so I didn't have to watch anyone eat the yummy spaghetti. :) I'm not crazy over spaghetti, but just like any mentality, when you "can't" have it man, you want it that much more! No matter what it actually is. I have found myself craving strange things that I never really wanted but as SOON as I said "I can't have that" there was a spotlight on it and it began speaking to me.

This is the reason that dieting doesn't work. I'm not averse to doing a cleanse like this one...because it only lasts 5 days! I could never do something like this long term. But I have a specific purpose and reason in mind. And after this week my healthy eating lifestyle will feel so much freer than this eating plan this week.

I have scaled down my exercise just a tad as well. I can tell I have a little less energy than I had (again may have to do with the moon) and given my calories are around 1200 I just can't burn 4000 this week. I am shooting for 3000 though.

I don't plan on any kind of crazy eating free for all come Saturday. I plan to ease back into my eating plan, up my calories again by a few hundred, and then up my activity again as well.

So I am 40% done with this challenge and I feel really good.

Oh - and the best part? This morning I was down 2 pounds from last Tuesday. I'm sure some of that is water weight since I only had 1 day going on the jumpstart plan, so I'm encouraged that the rest of this week will yield good results.

195 here I come!

~Clara

Day 1 Jumpstart...And We're OFF!

2011-05-16T21:57:00.001-05:00

So today I began my 5 day Jumpstart...I'm calling it that, it isn't actually named that. I think the name is 5 day healthy cleanse that I found in my Health magazine. Anyway, I'm hoping it will jump start my metabolism that has been slow as molasses this past few months. Getting me on my way to losing this last pesky 30 pounds.

It's funny to say that my "last 30 pounds" is pesky when that is more than alot of people want to lose. But given I've lost about 85, I'd say 30 can qualify as pesky at this point.

My day started with probably the best smoothie I've ever tasted - and I'm not just trying to be Miss Positivity here - it was divine. And HUGE. I plan to drink half of tomorrow's before going out for my run.

Lunch was also scrumptious. The goat cheese and pecans really complimented my spinach salad and the homemade pomegranate dressing is definitely a keeper! I was very satisfied. (missing the polenta croutons they want you to make - might add those later in the week if I can find polenta!)

Snack was also really good - the plain greek yogurt mixed with rolled oats and honey (the recipe called for a few teaspoons of honey, but I put about 2 tablespoons - it needed it!).

Finally, dinner was a black bean and chicken whole wheat wrap with tomatoes and brown rice. I needed avocado but didn't have time to get to the store - will try to do that tomorrow on my lunch break. I stuffed the wrap with spinach. It would have tasted better with some light sour cream and salsa but I'm out of both so I went with it plain. It tasted really really good. Maybe because I was starving by then!

I drank 3 water bottles (24 oz each) full of the green tea (no sweetener or sugar). I actually like the taste - remember I drink plain water all the time (drank about 3 bottles full of that too - also 24 oz each). I think my eyeballs are floating officially with 144 oz of liquid but that definitely helps with the flushing effect.

I was really hoping I would not bonk during Zumba tonight but a little concerned since my eating was different. Not only did I not bonk, I felt great. And can't wait to get up and run in the morning! And have another one of those awesome banana smoothies. I'm already thinking about what other kind of smoothie I can make once I'm done with this cleanse.

So I'm 20% done! I feel cleaner already. HA! Really, I feel good and am excited to see how this week plays out.

More tomorrow!

~Clara

5 Day Jumpstart

2011-05-15T21:21:00.001-05:00

May is halfway through and wow, it truly feels like it has flown by. I've been at my new job for 6 weeks...and I have lost less than 4 pounds in two months.

SO. Time to change something up. Time to do something drastic.

Not starve myself or take laxatives drastic.

Not cut out all happy foods drastic.

I'm goal oriented. Not crazy. :)

So instead I'm going to do a 5-day food cleanse. It should help flush my system of the impurities I've probably built up growing a bit lax with my eating over the past few months. And it should jump start my metabolism into the right direction. Operative term being *should.*

***Note*** I did do a different kind of cleanse with "all natural vitamins" last year that almost ended with me in the ER. It was going well and you're supposed to increase the dosage as you go along, but the day I took 6 pills I think my body was already empty. Talk about PAIN. Never again for me...

Anyway, back to it...

I found the cleanse in my monthly issue of Health magazine. I searched their website and could not find it completely spelled out to put a link here, so I'll give you the main components of it below. If it works well I'll republish it with exact measurements and recipes.

Breakfast: Banana Smoothie (1 banana, milk and ice blended together).
Lunch: Spinach salad with goat cheese, pecans and pomegranate dressing (pomegranate juice, olive oil and dijon mustard)
Snack: plain Greek yogurt with rolled oats and honey.
Dinner: black bean, chicken and avocado whole grain wrap with brown rice, tomatoes and shredded carrot.
Drink: 2 quarts of green tea each day (adding sliced lemon, lime and orange). I plan to drink this along with my normal water intake.

The funny thing is I would eat any of these things independently (and love the salad dressing recipe btw). So this isn't going to be too terribly tough for me this week. I'm sure by Friday I will be "over it" but I do tend to eat the same things at least for breakfasts, lunches and snacks. It is dinner time that will be hard.

I've already figured out what Stephen and Elizabeth will eat for dinner this week. I'm making spaghetti one night (already have the sauce frozen), that should last them two nights, then there are leftover grilled hotdogs (all beef) from tonight, and Stephen will make hamburgers for them another night, as well as breakfast for dinner on that last night.

So I spent some time this afternoon preparing my meals for the week except the banana smoothie. I plan to make that fresh every morning - but I had to buy a blender today as I did not own one! (I know - gasp!). I'm excited about being able to make smoothies and hope to continue that trend with summer approaching.

Back to my prep - we grilled the chicken, diced it, and I cooked the brown rice (2 batches because I burned the first batch in the microwave - not sure how, because I am following the instructions - its crazy!), drained the black beans and diced tomatoes, then combined it all with the recommended seasonings. Also got my salads together for 4 of the 5 days. Tuesday I have a lunch date but fortunately I picked the restaurant this time and it has a salad VERY similar to the one I will be eating each day. Then I put together my greek yogurt combo and am just hoping I don't rush off to work and forget my lunch one day.

I'm preparing to get picked on tomorrow when I don't order lunch out (we have a day long meeting once a month and have lunch catered in) but I don't care.

Reminds me of one of Dave Ramsey's mottos - "Live like no one else so you can live like no one else."

My healthy lifestyle has had to be different from everyone else. Mainly because many people eat unhealthily - and not necessarily on purpose, they just might not know better.

And I haven't allowed that to derail me up to this point.

I can do just about anything for 5 days. So while this might have me a little grumpy, I'm hoping to see the jump start on my weight loss that I'd like. I weighed in at 199.6 the other day, a few pounds up from my low of 196.4. I'd like to get down to 195 with this cleanse, which happens to be taking place the week I normally lose a chunk anyway. SO, that should be attainable.

We'll see! I'll be checking in to let you know how I'm doing. I will probably need to be blogging every day this week to keep myself from my marshmallows and dark chocolate.

I am excited!!!!! Can you tell???

Talk to you soon.

~Clara

Re-Calibrate That

2011-05-11T21:32:00.000-05:00

Just like a car, every now and then our minds and outlooks need a tune up. Things need to be calibrated, adjusted, and sometimes even repaired or replaced.

If I hadn't been making these adjustments or repairs along the way I would never have made it this far.

It's like over time, your mind (engine) gets clogged up and cloudy. Unable to function the same way it has been throughout your journey. Slowly becoming out of touch with what keeps you running. I've come to realize that I need regular maintenance in order to continue losing weight successfully.

And so here I am again.

In the shop.

Had a few days of travel for work and in several situations had extremely limited food choices. This resulted in a torrid but brief affair with white flour, cookies and a milkshake. I can't blame the milkshake on the travel. But I have found one bad choice usually leads to another, then another, then another.

Same with good choices. One good choice leads to another, then another, then another.

So today I'm getting a tune up on my food choices and recalibrating my food rules. Here are the main rules that have made me successful:

1) Only eat whole grains. No white bread, pasta or anything made with white bleached flour. I way prefer wheat anyway.
2) Only eat desserts you love. No dessert unless I really really want to try it...and then it needs to be a small serving. No reason to try all these new and different cakes, cookies, etc., that I know I won't really enjoy.
3) Make each calorie count. Eat foods that will be used for fuel - with my crazy workout schedule I need that fuel to make it through. Empty calories do nothing for my body or my workouts. Before I eat it, ask myself, will this help or hinder me?
4) Eat mindfully. It's so easy to just eat mindlessly. Eating should be a conscious effort...and just as conscious a decision.
5) Limited or NO processed foods. Avoid foods that have ingredients that I can't pronounce without assistance. Enough said...
6) Be picky! It is completely OK to be picky about food. Not "I'll only eat bacon" picky but I am not going to waste calories on foods I don't like or aren't good for me. I'm going to turn my nose up at greasy food, white bread, processed food and desserts I don't love. If I offend someone...oh well. It's not about them. THIS...this is about me. If they love me they will understand. Right? Right.

So there it is - routine maintenance on my food mindset. I feel like I've cleaned the slate. Publishing it seems to help me make it happen when I need a tune up.

Here's to moving in the right direction once again. Refreshed. Rejuvenated. Unstoppable.

I am once again a force to be reckoned with.

I dare you white flour. Just try me.

~Clara

Simple Logic = Desired Results

2011-05-01T18:00:00.003-05:00

So this past week I have sort of lost my mojo. "What???" you exclaim. How is this possible?

I'll tell you how. LIFE! LACK OF PLANNING! LACK OF CONFIDENCE! LACK OF MOJO! {yes, I'm yelling, but in a 'frustrated at myself' way, not at you, ok? ok}

And it is incredible to me that even 20 months and almost 90 pounds lost into my journey to better health I struggle just like anyone else. It's not at all that I think I'm above it. I've pondered this for awhile this week. And thinking through this really taught me something.

There is no end to this race. There really isn't a finish line. I mean, there are major celebrations along the way. Like the first 20 pounds...then 50 pounds down, then reaching Onederland once again...but even when I hit 100 pounds down {soon, ahem} I still won't have "arrived."

Even when I hit my goal weight of 160 (exactly 37 pounds from here) I still will not have "arrived."

And I am learning to be OK with that.

Because I didn't become the girl in the purple shirt overnight. {see my before picture below} And it was continuous unhealthy behavior that got me there.

So the only thing that will KEEP me from ever being that girl again is continuous healthy behavior.

Wow, I kill me with all of this logic.

But why is it so hard, when really it sounds so simple? Chew on that calorie-free logic.

I, we, everyone - we must stop over-complicating healthy choices. At the end of the day it is about making the best choices to achieve your goals.

If you are at a red light and turning left will get you to your destination about 2 miles sooner, why in the world do you turn right?

When shopping for a specific recipe, would you purposely choose the wrong ingredient?

If you need a black sweater for your teal glitter dress, what would possess you to purchase a bright orange and purple polka-dotted one?

My point in this rant is to show you, and remind ME that it is all about making the choices that will lead you to your goals, every day. It is the every day small choices that make huge changes in your health in the long run.

The choice to exercise. The choice to eat healthy most of the time. The choice to NOT get seconds at the church dinner. The choice to drink water. The choice to get enough sleep.

Plain and SIMPLE.

Now I'm off to do my food reporting on SparkPeople for the day to see what I have left for dinner. And I'm going to make the choices that will allow me to finish in range. Then I'm going to be sure my menu plan and lunch plan is ready for the week. And then I'm going to document the exercise/calories I plan to burn each day in my phone with annoying reminders. Mapping it all out.

And I'm going to make the best choices I can this week.

The ones that will lead me TO my goal and not AWAY from it.

Because that girl in the purple shirt, left side of this picture, was not happy with herself. She became physically nauseated when she saw this picture for the first time. As you can see I've changed a great deal on the outside...but I've also changed on the inside too. I never want to be her again. And I don't plan to.

Who's with me?

~Clara

PS - new goal to be at 100 pounds lost (13 pounds from now) by June 15th. This is a stretch for me but I'm giving it a try!

O Happy Day!

2011-04-25T21:56:00.001-05:00

So last night I noticed something.

I've really been focusing on my arms lately, as they seem to be holding about 10 of the 30 pounds I have left to lose. I've worked on them alot and hoped. Stared at them in the mirror. Wished the pounds could just disappear overnight.

And I can tell there is some progress being made but nothing really convinced me until....

I found my armpits again.

I know that sounds really weird, even funny. But I looked in the mirror when I had my hands on my hips and realized - GASP - I have an armpit again! It's not like I didn't have underarms when I was 285 pounds. But I did not have an actual PIT I had fat stored there. Meaning a concave almost hole under my arm. I could probably hide money in there now! (ew but you catch my drift).

No, I won't post a picture of that, you will just have to believe me.

But its these little things that really make this journey worth the effort.

I've hit somewhat of a plateau at 89 pounds down. I know the root of the issue; my eating needs to be reigned in a little bit. I stay within my range...but my range is so broad I know I don't need to eat the max every night.

As I get smaller it is harder to stay on task. My exercise isn't lacking...but I definitely find myself eating treats more than I should. I'm blaming some of that on having given up chocolate for 6 weeks. So, I ate other weird things in its place. Now that I have my daily dose of dark chocolate back, and I'm over the 24 hour love-binge-fest, I'm ready to get back on plan.

Just in case any of you think I've completely figured it all out, please know I am still constantly tweaking. Tweaking my eating, my food choices, my exercise and activity. Tweaking my mindset to help me stay on track.

I just recently added Tae Bo back in once a week. I also bought a recumbent exercise bike and I'm LOVING adding that in (as are my legs!). I have a new Wednesday night tradition of riding 10 miles while watching the Biggest Loser.

I think variety is what keeps me interested.

I also fit into a dress this weekend that I bought last October and could not zip up past - you guessed it - my armpits (well really chest but we're going with my newfound armpits, ok?) It was awesome on Easter to wear a beautiful dress that I had hoped would fit by Easter but hadn't planned on it for sure. :) Gotta love that.

So I'll leave you with this picture of the last minute super lucky Easter dress.

Know what I see in this picture? PROGRESS!

~Clara

There is No Comparison!

2011-04-10T21:21:00.004-05:00

It has taken me a little bit to find the right subject for my next rant, er, blog. I haven't posted something inspirational in awhile so here it is...grab it while its hot off the presses folks!

Yesterday I ran my 5th 5k race. When you go to one of these races you see many different people from all age groups...but MOST of them are in better physical shape than me...by the way they look anyway. It can be unnerving to look around at the very fit-looking people and try to compare yourself to them. Because so much of running and really anything athletic can be mental, it is so important not to get worked up 15 mins before the race thinking..."I can't do this. Look at all of these skinny people." It remains paramount to focus solely on the outcome, the results, and not the looks of things. Because looks can be deceiving.

I had a goal yesterday - to beat my 5k time from October (40:04). If I made it under 38 minutes I would be happy. I also set a stretch goal for fun, of under 36 minutes for the 3.1 miles.

I experienced that same down feeling I have at the beginning of every race when I look around and start doing comparisons in my mind where I wish I had never signed up for this thing - here was my mental gibberish from yesterday.

"I wonder if she's in my age group - gosh I hope not. Wow, is that guy 75 years old? How embarrassing when he passes me! How fat do I look right now? I'll bet everyone is looking at me and thinking, we'll see her in 50 minutes! Wow, that girl has no shoes at all...really? And that guy there is wearing converse? And he clearly pronates - get that kid a running shoe!"

So I go from comparing myself to other people with the negative light on me to then picking on other people in my mind...more from concern for them than anything else - I mean that kid really didn't need to be running in converse...seriously.

At the end of the day the comparisons mean NOTHING! Not a thing. All they do is unnerve you, make you unsure of how you will perform and you begin to lose ground in the mental game before your foot hits the pavement.

The race was hard. Every race is hard. It was foggy and humid, not a good combination. I had stomach/gi issues probably from all the travel the 24 hours preceding the race. And I was easily the fattest runner out there.

So hard physically, and hard mentally before the starting horn.

That's alot of cards stacked against me.

But who is dealing the cards anyway?

For starters, I ended up beating my stretch goal. My 5k race time was 35:40. That is a full 4 minutes and 24 seconds faster than my race in October. Did you hear that? 4:24 faster! In less than 6 months of training.

For further comparison, here are all of my 5k times:

June 12, 2010 = 45:25 (some walking)
June 26, 2010 = 44:27 (all running....slowly)
September 18, 2010 = 42:27 (some walking)
October 16, 2010 = 40:04 (all running)
April 9, 2011 = 35:40 (all running)

So, I have cut almost 10 minutes from my 5k time of less than a year ago.

Who do I think I am comparing myself to other people at the race when I'm a walking billboard for amazing statistical and physical achievement in the last 20 months? Sure, if you look at all 197 pounds of me not a person at that race (except my awesome friend Jen who ran it as well) know my story.

No one there could tell by looking at me that just 2 short years ago I couldn't give my daughter a bath because bending over was so painful for me. That I hated eating in public as I knew people were staring at me. That I would rather hide and eat in my car than around other people. That I would sit on my bed and cry when nothing in my closet looked good on me. That walking out to my car or the mailbox was a feat that inspired rest breaks. That my resting heart rate was 117. And I was facing cholesterol medication at the age of 30.

They don't know that about me. But I do.

So I learned an important lesson during that 35 minutes yesterday. A very simple thing, and yet something so poignant that I will carry it with me for the rest of this journey.

The only person I should be comparing myself to is.....ME.

Going forward, I will only compare myself to my own accomplishments and capabilities. I won't use that new measurement as a way to let myself make excuses for poor performance...not at all...but rather a true measurement of where I am and how I've done compared to what I have proven I'm capable of.

Which I'm thinking right now, is more than I've given myself credit for.

I'm down 88 pounds. In just 12 pounds I'll be a member of the 100 pounds lost club. I'm picking back up on my 10k training and plan to run one in the fall. I've got goals! And just like the one from this weekend, I fully intend to reach them.

If you're stuck in a rut of comparing yourself to others I urge you to think about changing that behavior today. The only loser in that kind of comparison is you.

I know that because yesterday, before that race, I was a loser.

And today I'm a winner.

~Clara

How's that for comparison?

Busy...but Still Kicking!

2011-04-07T19:41:00.000-05:00

Life has been incredibly busy this last few weeks. I was training my replacement at my old job and the day after finishing there started my new job! I'm feeling incredibly blessed in my new role and honestly feel like it was made for me. Doesn't hurt that my commute was cut more than half and my gas bill even more than that! Life is good.

That said, I've kept up with my running and taken this first week of April to get my head clear before posting.

I'm happy to say that even during these crazy times I have managed to burn lots of calories and not eat more than my allotment. :) I'm planning on having an awesome April to make up some ground I lost in March. And even with being absorbed with my new job I've managed to only miss one run and that was due to the weather.

Progress.

So in other news I have a 5k race coming up this Saturday. I haven't run in a race since mid-October of last year. My time was 40:04. I've run the 5k distance around my neighborhood in about 36 mins more recently so I am hoping to at least make that at the race on Saturday. Since I've increased my distances and reached 4 miles many times now, I'm hoping that 3.1 will be a good experience on Saturday!

Main goal - 38 minutes or less
STRETCH goal - 36 minutes or less.

What fun is a goal without a stretch goal attached to it? Really, anything under 40 minutes will be wonderful. But 5 months of training as I have been *should* equate to a significant improvement in my time.

I'm excited to see how it goes! Will check in Saturday night.

In the meantime, what goals are you setting these days? Any main goals and any STRETCH goals? If not...get on the ball! I want to hear all about them. So I can cheer you on when you reach them.

Peace out,
Clara

Silver Lining

2011-03-31T22:17:00.000-05:00

Let's get straight to the month end recap, shall we?

I finished the month at 197.4, so I lost a little under 3 pounds this month. That's pretty slow weight loss for me, and at first I was a little disappointed it wasn't more.

And then I got to thinking...I turned 32 on March 1st and ran 4 miles that morning. I would never have been able to do that the year I turned 30.

I fell the following week while running and twisted my bad ankle. For 10 days no running and no Zumba. Many calorie-burn opportunities lost.

I gave up chocolate for Lent. This is huge for me. It has been tough as my daily dose of dark chocolate keep me satisfied and cures my cravings for just about anything. I have eaten some very strange things since giving up my favorite food.

I changed jobs! Yesterday I left my last job and today I started my new job! The pressure of training someone new and starting over again has been lingering all month.

There are reasons I should have, could have gained weight this month. But I did not.

Would I have been glad to lose more? Of course. But remember I'm not on a crash diet here. I'm just living my new healthy lifestyle and in "life" we have ups and downs and we have unexpected circumstances.

It is our decisions during these unexpected circumstances that can make or break our goals and plans.

I, of course, chose to make, not break.

So the silver lining? I lost almost 3 more pounds for a total of 88 pounds down. I am solidly in One-derland now. I am back to running and full activity.

And I'm gonna rock April to get myself back on track.

Silver's my new favorite color.

~Clara

Feeling IT

2011-03-20T16:22:00.000-05:00

So lately I've been feeling IT. I mean really feeling IT.

What in the world am I talking about?

IT = motivation! And for some reason I'm all over it this weekend. It's like the last 3 weeks of challenge have brought some much needed clarity.

Maybe its the clarity from my chocolate fast. I've given up chocolate for Lent. While I've been quite miserable without it in some ways, not having it has actually led me to refocus on some things about myself I really needed to realize...and work on changing.

Or maybe it is from having that fall last week and re-injuring my bad ankle. I didn't run again for almost 10 days...and that just about did me in. I absolutely longed to run.

Or maybe it was because I've had terrible tooth pain on and off for about 4-5 months...and then the root canal I had on Thursday that seemed to immediately relieve the pain. I almost felt that feeling after you've had the hiccups for a really long time and then you stop hiccuping...but you feel like you should at any moment hiccup. That welcome calm definitely made me feel better overall.

No runs, no chocolate, annoying mouth pain, can you just imagine how grumpy I've been? But all in all as the fog clears and I begin to snap back into my routine I've come to realize that nothing I am going through can compare to the suffering going on in the world today. NOTHING.

And that motivates me. Wait, how?

Well, the way I look at it is this. I can't fly to Japan and help. I can pray, and text my money to the red cross, but I can't physically help them. Not right now anyway.

What I can do is make the most of the life and body I have been blessed with. Take every opportunity to make my lifestyle healthier, more active and more balanced. Be healthier so I can be with my family for years, be there to love them through all of the challenges in their lives. I can LIVE for right now, for today, for the best.

Because you never know when things will change.

When you will fall and reinjure yourself. Or be in pain. Or suffer a catastrophe. The better care you take of yourself TODAY ensures you are that much further ahead should disaster strike.

Please know I'm not at all making light of what is happening there. I'm devastated for the pain and suffering going on all over the world, and specifically in Japan right now. But I do think it is cause for us all to look at our lives and how we are living them.

I don't want to regret all the time I spent abusing my body. I want to make the majority of my life about taking good care of this one physical life.

Today I'm thankful that I ran a 5k this morning and will go for a family walk later this afternoon.
I'm thankful that I'll be able to go back to Zumba tomorrow night and get back to my 4000 calorie burn for the week this week.
I'm thankful for my loving family.
I'm thankful that everything I need is within reach.
I'm thankful for the new job I'll be starting in less than 2 weeks.
I'm thankful for the friends I could not live without.
I'm thankful for having a second chance to change my blueprint.

And most of all...I'm thankful for IT. That motivation that will keep me moving forward for as long as I'm blessed to be on this earth.

~Clara

Moving Forward

2011-03-12T08:41:00.001-06:00

"If you can't fly then run, if you can't run then walk, if you can't walk then crawl, but whatever you do you have to keep moving forward." Martin Luther King, Jr.

This hasn't been my best week ever. It also hasn't been the worst, but it has been kind of rotten. I re-injured my bad ankle on Tuesday morning while running. I was doing speedwork and distracted by a new song on my ipod while running through a grassy/tree filled area. My foot must have slipped on a root and I rolled my ankle and ended up on the ground. I didn't even realize what had happened until I was on the ground it happened so fast. My poor Dixie was terrified, she just crawled up to me and licked my face. She looked so concerned.

Pretty quickly I realized I had rolled my ankle. My right hand and knee were also hurting but not terribly. I got up, dusted the mud off of me and started to try to walk it off. I walked a few painful feet then the pain disappeared. I was elated. Maybe it wasn't so bad? I walked about another half mile and decided to jog just a little bit to see how I would do. Yeah, too early for that. Pain shot through my arch.

The sad part is that this was just my 3rd run without my brace. So I guess the brace will be part of my running for alot longer than I anticipated.

I had an incredibly grumpy day on Thursday. It was one of those days that I was already a bit bummed, had a weigh in for the Biggest Loser Challenge and was back up to 200.8 (likely due to not running). So my brief visit to One-derland was over. Usually, when I lose weight, I teeter a little bit for a week or so until I'm solidly at the new weight. I realize that but would be teetering a lot less if I had been able to do my regular workouts this week. So, my grumpy day really came from starting off without a run and then posting a gain on the BL challenge message board - which I'm leading my team this time by the way. What a loser, gaining weight when I'm the leader!

Yeah, doesn't sound like me, does it? Because its not me. I was in a funk.

Then Friday morning I gained the perspective I so desperately needed.

It's an early day for me to go to work, and luckly its also jeans day. :) I put on my brace and some capris and headed off to work. Not long after I arrived, I started talking to one of our housekeepers who thought I was wearing cute socks at first when she saw the brace. Then she started telling me about a fall she had when she was 12 years old. When she fell, she pinned her leg behind her back slipping in some water and crashed down onto some concrete. She wore a cast for two years and has never been able to run or jump most of her life. My friend also walks with a limp that I had not noticed until that day.

That conversation rocked me - I realized that my sore ankle would heal soon and I would be back to running. But my friend at work will never run much less walk several miles at a time.

It's all about perspective.

So take today and be thankful for what you CAN do. I will be thanking God for the blessings I have as I head out for a 4-5 mile walk in a little while. Yeah, I'd rather run, but I'm so thankful that for now, I can walk.

It's all about moving forward folks. And that's what I plan to do. What about you?

~Clara

ONE-derland!!!

2011-03-05T21:18:00.000-06:00

It's true. I've arrived. At One-derland.

It was a journey of many miles. And One-derland is still just another stop along that journey. But once you are there, you plan to stay awhile. 199.2 this morning.

It will be a week or so of going up and down a few pounds like I do before my body drops another few pounds, so I'll likely cross back over 200 a few times until I'm solidly 198 or below. Good thing is my next "official" weigh in on the BL challenge on Sparkpeople is next Thursday so I have some time to get there and stay there.

On the exercise front, I didn't get as much activity in this week as I would have liked as my week included a few changes to my plans. But all in all I'm still happy with the results. I'll just kick myself back into gear this week and get moving from there.

My work schedule is soon to be changing at the end of this month, and I'm looking forward to reworking my exercise schedule. I think it is healthy to do that every once in awhile. Running has been going well. I've backed off on distances a bit this week, partly due to time, but also I'm weaning my ankle off of my light brace. I've had two runs brace-free and they have both been great. Just 2 miles each time, but I'll go for 3 or 4 tomorrow morning. That's another semi-new development - trying to run 4 days a week. Seems to be working for me so far! I'm really hoping to hit 10k distance by the end of April.

I'm also motivated alot by my closet right now - I have about 6 pairs of pants that are the next size down. I would love to be in them by April - will open up a whole new wardrobe! I think 185 is the magic number for a few pairs. That's also my 100 pounds down mark so I'm excited to get there in just 14 pounds! AHHH! :)

I bought some clothes today - a great long sleeved fitted red blouse, a red skirt, red and silver sweater (yes, I was in a red mood or I should say lots of red on clearance today) and also a skirt for my little girl all for $26. Now, I did have to then purchase a silver tank top for $14.99 online to go with the red skirt and red/silver sweater, but still...an outfit for less than $25? Yes, please!

The red sweater is significant here...because it is a size SMALL. I had to write that in big letters. I've purchased 2 tops in the last month that were mediums. I am not *trying* to be a size small here, lets clarify that. My goal weight is 165 for goodness sake. That is hardly small...So the few mediums were even funny to me as I never imagined I would land there. Well this sweater is 3/4 sleeve and super cute - I figured I'd try it on (it also was marked down to $6.99). It's adorable! With the silver tank and then my new silver pumps it will be quite the outfit. I'll post a picture when the tank top arrives, ok? As a photo memory of my Onederland achievement.

Thanks for sticking with me this far...here's to breaking more records! The cool part is my next goals are closer together - since I'm getting closer to goal, I need that to keep me motivated as the weight loss will likely begin to slow.

Here's a list of my next goals for kicks:

185: Celebrate 100 pounds down! (14 pounds away from right now)
180: Celebrate the weight I was when I got married 11 years ago (19 pounds away from right now)
165: GOOOOAAAL! (34 pounds away from right now).

Then we'll reassess. Sound good? Good.

Night all! I'm off for sweet dreams of shopping, shoes and smaller sizes.

Clara

The Results are In! And Everybody Hurts...Sometimes...

2011-03-01T21:26:00.001-06:00

So today I turned 32 years old. Two years ago when I turned 30, it was really depressing. Partly, I think, because I was also almost 300 pounds, had no clothes that fit me and felt terrible about myself. Today was pleasantly different. It felt pretty good actually. I ran 4 miles this morning. I wore a cute dress to work. I'm stronger and on my way to being in better shape than I have ever been in my life. How cool is that?

As you may remember, I had a birthday goal of reaching "Onederland." As I approached the scale this morning I was pretty sure I was not going to reach my goal of 199.8. Some water retention coupled with a bad choice at dinner Friday night really had me wondering...

Well, the results are in. {insert long drum roll here please}

200.2 pounds today.

Just .4 away from my goal of 199.8. I'm pretty happy with that! I may not have "achieved" my goal perfectly, but I did lose 6.6 pounds this month which is pretty good for me. Overall I've lost 84.8 pounds. Not bad!

So Friday night - lets address that. I had some things happen at work that rocked my world a little bit - and pushed me into a bit of a funk. My husband and I had a date planned and I wanted to just pick up a meal from the Chinese restaurant and share it at home - so eating the fat loaded food wouldn't be that bad since I was only eating half a meal. He really wanted to eat at the restaurant so off we went - and thus I overate. I can't blame him. I know better. So, since I have lost almost 85 pounds and I totally know better, what the heck happened?

It could be a few things.

Self-loathing and self-sabotage for starters. I have struggled with these my entire life. It's like I get in my own way of being successful, healthy, happy because I doubt I can get there. Or I doubt I deserve to be there. Which is completely ridiculous and I have to remind myself of how far I've come. I get almost this "what's the point" attitude when I'm in a funk or feeling down. Emotional eating was *always* an issue for me and is a huge part of how I got to be, well, huge. I'm allowed to say that, just in case you were wondering.

I know consciously how successful my journey has been. How hard I have worked to get to where I am today. How amazing it is to have done it the more challenging way, slow, steady and with determination and dedication...and tons of sweat. It is nothing to shake a turkey leg at, that's for sure.

But I am beginning to realize that I will always always fight obesity in my mind. I will always struggle with feeling like I deserve to look good and more importantly, feel good. I may always see myself as larger than I am. I was that person for a lot longer than the person I've become in the last 18 months. I need to respect and understand that a complete change of outlook on things takes time. While I have come a long way mentally, I'm not totally "fixed" yet. I may never be.

Once I reach my goal weight its not like I plan to stop exercising or drop running or not pay attention to my food any longer. The way I eat and my exercise is now part of my lifestyle and I will always need to, and want to do those things. I've come to terms with that and I'm good with it. You don't lose weight in order to get temporarily skinny, then stop being healthy as soon as you get to your goal weight and gain it all back. That, my friends, is an utter waste of time. But we've all done it, right?

I think I needed this to happen on Friday night so I could refocus and see a new perspective. I can't be perfect all of the time. But I'm WAAAY better than I was. And the changes I've made - while permanent - don't make me perfect in any way.

So keep that in mind regardless of your battle or struggle. Makes me think of that song "Everybody Hurts...sometimes." I may seem to have figured it all out with my successes and the amazing "aha" moments I've had along the way that I've shared here on this blog and with you individually. But I am still human. I am still a girl with a compulsive eating disorder. I am still unsure of myself, lacking confidence in many things. I still hurt sometimes, and in turn, hurt myself by reverting back to old behaviors. However brief these episodes are...they are still a painful reminder of what I did to myself in the first place. I never want to lose myself like that again. And I won't.

The good news? I am no longer a slave to that lack of confidence. 99% of the time I make way better choices than I did during that meal. Today I'm that much more determined to continue on this path to reach my goal. And determined to continue to inspire you to go after your goals. I am just like you and if I can do this, you totally can.

We are not that different, you and me.

I'm off to get some rest...need some good sleep if I'm going to reach Onederland in this next week!

~Clara

Still Swinging!

2011-02-20T14:57:00.001-06:00

It's my one year anniversary of "Crutch to 5k" - how I aptly renamed the running program to suit the fact that I was starting it on crutches (making it longer and more arduous I might add).

Exactly one year ago yesterday, I fell down my front steps in a freak accident and during the first week of Couch to 5k's running plan. More clumsy than freak, really, but I'm freakishly clumsy at times. Anyway, I sustained a slight avulsion fracture and severe sprain to my left ankle. I was devastated. I had just started running that week, and was in week 1 of the Couch to 5k program. The next day I had a trip to Panama City planned to get fitted for running shoes. I was going places! Yeah. To my couch for awhile it turned out.

I remember crying that night - not from the pain so much but from the realization that I might just backslide now and gain the 30 pounds back I had lost...losing all ground I had gained, credibility I had built and once again finding an "excuse" not to achieve something great with my health.

When I met with the ortho doc the next week, he told me that if I were an athlete he would put a cast on the injury. I've never had a cast before. I've only had stitches even a few times and that was from surgeries and a car accident (I'm clumsy but pretty lucky not to usually seriously injure myself). We won't talk about my multiple concussions. hehe. Anyway, he told me that was the quickest way to get back out there, putting a cast on my leg for 3 weeks then doing Physical Therapy...so I said ok, lets do it. He had the tech come in and begin applying the stiff tomb to my leg. Every ounce of me felt claustrophobic - I mean, I would not be able to move my ankle for about 3 weeks. Holy crap. Oh man. I had an itch already.

As I hobbled out of there, I realized that I had another decision to make. Because I had decided to change my life, but then my exercise streak had to come to a sudden halt.

So I had to decide not to let myself slip back into my old ways and gain all of the weight back. I *would* beat this injury and somehow come back stronger.

This is how Changing My Blueprint was born. I had always wanted to blog but wasn't sure I had much besides complete randomness to talk about. Well, now I did. At first it was private, I invited a few friends and family members to read it. It impacted some of them in a good way and then I thought, hey, if I put this out there publicly, maybe it can help someone else? Blogging also kept me busy when I wasn't able to do my running training, or any real exercise, until I was done with physical therapy. A LOOOONG 8 weeks I might add.

So today, I'm a little teary eyed as I think about that day a year ago. Even this day a year ago, when my head was swimming with what-ifs and how-could-this-happens. I had no idea on that day that today I would be 50 pounds lighter (for a total of almost 84 pounds down) and a bona fide runner.

I ran 3.15 miles yesterday with my running buddy Ashley. We decided to run this morning also, and ran another 4 miles. So I've run over 7 miles in a 48 hour period - take that ankle injury of 2010. You are old news. And you sure didn't stop me from continuing on my journey of healthier living. If nothing else, you fueled the fire lit under my tater and it is still burning.

Life is going to pitch us some doosies. What happens next has everything to do with deciding to swing or not. You won't hit the ball every time. I have not had a perfect year. There have been ups and downs, frustrations and pain. I swung and got the cast on my leg (which was even more of a pain as I traveled for 2 weeks of the 3 I had the cast). I swung and put everything I had into Physical Therapy to rehabilitate my ankle. I kept on swinging, and started running again. Every race was a swing and not all of them turned out how I dreamed they would, but I still did them. Every swing was worth it. Because even a bunt counts.

And I'm still swinging.

This is what success is made of. When you can look back and see how far you have come, and focus on that, rather than how far you are from home plate. I'm not done swinging folks. And I'm totally cool with that.

~Clara

Tank top weather!

2011-02-18T21:10:00.001-06:00

Are you ready for tank top weather? Before this moment I would say no, never.

Ooh - that rhymed...

Anyway, it was a beautiful day outside today. It is jeans day on Fridays at work, so I wore denim capri pants, a glittery aqua tank top and a gray sweater. When I left work I was too warm as it was 75 degrees outside. It felt great out! I actually had a moment where I wondered...would I need to take off my sweater, and if so, am I ok with that?

I was explaining to a few friends at work today about strange fat deposits. When you lose a considerable amount of weight, it isn't just like it completely implodes and shrinks. I am fortunate not to have a ton of excess skin, likely due to my exercising and the slow rate of my weight loss. But I do have these weird little fat deposits. Like my arms. Not in that normal, bra-pinching spot, but just above my bicep is this weird little fat deposit that appears to be clinging on for dear life. It looks really funny. I've seen these around my legs too during this journey, but the arm ones are annoying. As my arms will see the light of day long before my upper thighs do. LOL.

Anyway, while I'm a little self-conscious about the weird fat deposits (and no I will not post a picture - haha) I realized today I would probably be OK with walking around in a tank top. I exercise in racerback tanks all the time. In public. I am not perfectly fit, and I still have those weird little clingy fat things here and there, but you know what? I look way better than I did last spring. And amazingly better than I did the spring before that.

Wherever you are in your personal journey, make a decision to honestly let go of whatever is clinging and holding you back. If it looks foreign to the rest of you, let it go. :) Wear that tank top. Go down that size in pants finally. Realize that sometimes clothes that are tighter (not gross, but fit I mean) look waaaay better than wearing your oversized baggy clothes. That's why I get rid of my clothes as soon as they become too big. Because I'm never going to fit into them again!

My little fat deposits aren't going anywhere for the moment, but the more I keep working out, the more they will shrink and disappear. For now, they are a reminder of how far I've come...and how cool it is that my body is shifting to having more muscle than fat. I like that shift, and I'll take the awkward in between phase as a racing stripe, thank you very much.

And tomorrow, I think I'll bust out a tank top. What about you?

~Clara

Birthday Challenge is ON!

2011-02-15T19:35:00.000-06:00

I've definitely decided to do the birthday challenge. Here it is folks, my 32nd birthday is in 14 days. I want to be below 200 pounds {for the first time in 10 years} by my birthday. And 199.8 counts. :)

I started February at 206.8. So 199.8 shouldn't be that hard, right? Or wait, that is 7 pounds. I don't usually lose 7 pounds in a month. Hmmm...

Well...after having somewhat of a plateau, up and down and up and down by a few pounds for a few months, I haven't been that sure of setting specific weight goals. I didn't want to jinx myself because, even though it is happening slowly, it is still happening. Moving in the right direction I mean. Why mess with a good thing?

And then this morning I weighed in at 201.4. WOW! I have lost 2.6 pounds since last Tuesday when I weighed 204. The only thing I can think of is that I've been more spot on with my food and I have also stuck to my 3000+ calories burned/week (and have now upped it to 3200).

On food, my daily recommended range from Sparkpeople is 1,290 - 1,640. I think I may have found my "sweet spot" with calories - 1400-1450. I hit in that range for 5 of the last 8 days. And I have steadily lost weight for the last two weeks. I will still continue to eat when I'm hungry of course - but its all about eating food that will fill me up and that I'll also enjoy.

And ya know what? I had brownies last week. Several times. I baked them according to the box with the exception of using applesauce instead of oil and I also topped it with chocolate chips at the end making it into a thin but satisfying frosting. I'm out of honey or I would have made the awesome honey brownies that have no sugar besides the honey.

So I'm pretty stoked about this challenge. In fact, I will be even more jazzed to reach the goal BEFORE my birthday. What did I just say? Actually blow a challenge out of the water? All it takes is a little momentum, folks, and the competitor comes out in me. I feel like a little kid the night before vacation. Excited, nervous, and anticipating something new, though something familiar. Like returning to Disney World.

Onederland.

Sort of sounds like a theme park, but Onederland is any weight under 200. Any weight that begins with a "1." The last time I was in this place was over 10 years ago. I had been married about a year and was a bundle of happiness. We ate ice cream just about every night. My Stephen wanted me to be happy and he saw how happy hot fudge sundaes made me. And so it goes.

Now he is very proud of me - and even though he is still careful not to say he wants me to look like I did 12 years ago, I can't wait to better resemble the girl he married. He loved me at 285. I was so blessed and lucky. Now he deserves a wife who takes good care of herself and will live longer. Yep, that's the new me. And he can buy me all the dark chocolate he wants to since I eat that every day {in moderation}.

So there it is - the Birthday Challenge is on - and now we'll see what happens! My weigh in days are on Tuesdays, so I'll weigh in next week and we'll see how close I am to my goal!!! Exciting!

~Clara

Contemplating a Birthday Goal...

2011-02-12T10:44:00.001-06:00

So I have a birthday coming up in a few weeks. 32 years old on March 1st. Not incredibly exciting. It feels fake, actually, that I couldn't actually be 32. But it's inevitable I guess!

My next weight loss goal, since I have hit the 80 pounds (woohoo!) was to be under 200 for the first time in probably a decade. I was 180 when I got married in March of 2000, but I know I gained a good 10-20 the first year. My sweet hubby saw how happy ice cream made me and we had sundaes every night. :) We've come a long way since then!

Anyway, I realized today that I was at 204 on Tuesday for my BL weigh in and that is only 5 pounds from 199. So I'm contemplating putting a timeline on reaching 199.8.

Can I reach it by March 1?

That would mean losing 4.2 pounds in 17 days.

Is it possible? Sure, though it would be a stretch for me.

Will I do it? Don't know yet! I'm going to try to give it a shot though - why not? I have nothing to lose but weight. And either way we know I will lose...I may not reach 199.8, but what if I do? That would be amazing! Would be a nice thing to celebrate on my birthday!

Are ya with me?

~Clara

Food Guidelines and All...

2011-02-09T21:23:00.001-06:00

You Are What You Eat! I've heard this phrase all my life. That means I used to be Chicken Fingers, French Fries and gobs of Honey Mustard. Sound appetizing? Not to me. Anymore, anyway.

Does that now make me grilled chicken, broccoli and fresh spinach? haha!

So if you really are what you eat, wouldn't you rather be something healthy or clean? Not drenched in grease or sauce in order to be tasty? I mean really. We all shower daily so as not to be greasy. Just sayin'.

I was looking at my groceries in my cart at the store the other day and thinking about how different my cart looks from the way it did when I started on this journey. I get alot of questions about exactly what to eat - and I don't prescribe to any specific diet, but I will tell you that I try to follow a few simple rules when it comes to how I eat:

1) No processed foods. By "no" I mean "mostly no." Because I still like marshmallows from time to time. And I don't think they are really food. In all seriousness, think about the aisles at your local grocery store. Most are lined with boxed products or pre-cooked dinners. I know we live in a fast paced society but fresh is still best. It's not usually BOGO (buy one get one free) but eating food that is fresh and has less preservative in it is BFU (better for you - pronounced BuhFoo). And yes, I totally made that up.

2) Eat out rarely. I cook at home at least 6 nights a week. You may be saying, but I'm waaay too busy to cook that often. Well, I work at least 40 hours a week, drive almost 10 to get to and from work, exercise about 6 hours per week and still manage to keep my house decently clean and my family happy...and yes, I cook dinner almost every night. How? By planning in advance. Like tomorrow is payday so I will be making my menu for next week, then building my grocery list from that. I hardly waste any food anymore. And its so easy when you don't have to just wing it. Winging it leave you open to ordering takeout on a whim...which typically will not end with healthy decisions. Trust me, I know. We do have to eat out every Sunday after church since our church is almost an hour from home (my husband is the Pastor). But I always make healthy choices. Our favorite mexican restaurant near church serves grilled chicken and steamed broccoli.

3) Lots of fruits & vegetables. Apples are incredibly sweet to me now. I think because I don't eat as much refined sugar - now natural sugar tastes even sweeter. I also love bananas and strawberries. Favorite veggies include dark lettuce (the herb mix in the box is my absolute fave), fresh spinach, asparagus, broccoli, carrots, and brussel sprouts. I really love more veggies than that, those just happen to be my staples. Most will be found in my cart when I'm grocery shopping, depending on what is freshest. I try to have a serving of veggies at every meal and fruit at least twice a day.

4) Protein is your friend. Invite Carbs to the party too, though. Listen to me. Potatoes are NOT evil. It's what we DO to potatoes that makes them evil. I don't eat potatoes every day - but one of my favorite recipes is Loaded Baked Potato soup - and it is pretty healthy actually. It's when you eat huge honking servings of potatoes or fry them that carbs become the enemy. It's not potatoes' fault that we take advantage of them and make them unclean. (sorry this is getting out of hand, I'll stop, but I'm sure giggling over here). ok, seriously, I'm a fan of protein. I try to take in between 60-132 grams a day (per my SparkPeople recommendation). The days I eat more protein, are the days I end up in the lower end of my calorie range. One of my favorite protein snacks is Oikos Greek Yogurt - a 4oz serving has 19 grams of protein. Did you hear that? 19! My chicken and spinach enchiladas tonight had 52 grams of protein per serving. Nice! Protein makes you feel fuller so you eat less. Simple concept. But don't go all low carb on me - especially if you have a workout schedule like mine. Your body needs carbs. GOOD carbs. Like whole grains (no white bread!) whole wheat pasta, etc. With the food out there today there is no excuse for eating white anything that will turn to sugar. I'll take my sugar straight, thank you. :)

5) Don't treat every meal like it is your last. I think this is how I became so heavy in the first place. Every brownie I saw in every meeting was the last brownie I might ever eat. So I'd better get one. Today our offices were covered in boxes of Krispy Kreme donuts. These used to be an issue for me - in fact, I have to tell you this, I used to think the "hot fresh" sign being on meant it was fate and I HAD to get a donut. Ridiculous, I know. The last time I ate a KK donut was sometime last year and within 5 minutes I had a migraine. Back to the point, I know that when I cook something, or eat out somewhere, that I will eventually eat there again. It isn't the last time I'll ever get to try something. If something looks amazing, I might try a bite. But more than likely I won't if it isn'tpart of my day. And now I'm so used to making good choices its not really about them being "good" its about eating the way I eat - regardless of who wants me to supersize or try the new 256 ounce milkshake. I'm not on death row, this isn't my last meal, God promised there wouldn't be another flood, so you know what? It's grilled chicken for me here at La Leyenda. And I like grilled chicken so that works. :)

6) Just say no. This whole thing about not wanting to offend the cook - or make people feel bad when you don't eat something offered to you - GET OVER IT. Other people usually aren't trying to intentionally sabotage you - but in reality, we all know misery loves company, so if someone is going to "be bad" with what they eat, they don't want to do it alone. And the last thing they are thinking about is YOUR healthy lifestyle and YOUR goals. I don't at all feel bad for them. I was one of them. But guess what? My overall health is WAY more important than being someone's enabler or getting people to like me. By like a million times. So I say no alot. Sometimes I try stuff or say yes if I really want something. But by usually letting it be my idea, it never gets out of control. Last week a friend was heading out to pick up lunch and was getting cheeseburgers, fries and milkshakes. I opted for a small cheeseburger and ate the apple I had brought. I tried a fry or two of theirs and reminded myself of why I didn't miss them in my regular food habits. Day ruined? Nope, I was within my calorie range. But my tummy troubles later tells me that its not worth going away from my plan. Darn the cold rainy day. I didn't plan my lunch well that day. And I paid for it. Just say no to the surprises most of the time and you'll do well.

7) Diet food is not your friend. Think about it. In the last 2 decades, TONS of money has gone down the drain buying low sugar, low carb, low fat diet food. And has America gotten skinnier. NO - WE HAVE GOTTEN FATTER. So, the diet food isn't working, folks. The only light things I buy are: light sour cream (as I happen to like the flavor) and I like part-skim ricotta when I'm making a lasagna. I eat REAL butter when I eat butter, not margarine (which is one molecule away from being plastic, did you know that?) and not buttery-like spreads. I also don't do light cheeses overall (excpet for low moisture part skim mozzarella which isn't really light but is lighter than full fat). Cheese that doesn't melt is just scary to me. We love cheese - we just eat full fat cheese in moderation. My overall rule - if the label has 3 or more ingredients that I either can't identify as food or pronounce without help, I don't eat it. So I end up avoiding lots of diet food for that reason - there is so much non food crap in it. Oh, and I can't do artificial sweeteners. No sugar free this or that, no aspartame, splenda, etc. as I found these are migraine triggers for me. If it isn't real food, it isn't good for you. And if it is diet food, chances are, it has lots of non food qualities in it.

So what is left for me to eat then? Gosh! Lets look at that.

Here is what this week's menu looked like for dinners:

Sunday - Loaded baked potato soup
Monday - Taco Salads (using leftover chili from the weekend)
Tuesday - Homemade whole grain mac'n'cheese with diced ham and broccoli
Wednesday - Chicken and Spinach Enchiladas
Thursday - Venison cube steak, asparagus and baked sweet potato fries
Friday - homemade pizzas loaded with veggies
Saturday - breakfast for dinner!

So after reading that, does it look like I'm a crazed diety person? No - you might even be looking at it and wondering how I lose weight. Well, its because every one of those recipes I've tweaked and made into a healthier version of what it used to be. I enter the ingredients on Spark people and let it calculate the nutrition info for me. It makes it that much easier to track my food. And my family LOVES the way I cook. Every meal has healthy elements, tastes awesome and everyone's happy.

What do I snack on between meals?

Here is a list of my favorite snacks:
*dry roasted almonds (1oz - sometimes just half an oz if I'm not too hungry)
*Cheese stick (mozzarella, low moisture, part skim)
*dried plums (yes, prunes, but don't be gross, they are good and good for you)
*Oikos Greek Yogurt, 4 oz container, Caramel flavored
*small apple
*hummus and crackers or veggies

My favorite breakfast(s):
*Larabar - Chocolate Chip Cookie dough - these are completely natural with just a few ingredients. Dates, almonds, dark chocolate - yum. I order them in bulk from Amazon.com. I eat one of these along with a banana most days, or eat my yogurt an hour after the bar. They are great for being on the run and still being healthy.
*Healthy Quiche - this is a weekend thing as I don't always have time to cook breakfast during the week - it has spinach, feta, mushrooms, eggs and whole wheat tortillas. So good and half a quiche is only 300 calories. Will share that recipe one of these days. :)

My favorite regular treats:
*dark chocolate - I either throw a bag of dark chocolate hershey kisses in the freezer and eat a few at a time (remember a serving is 9) or I break a square off of a bar I keep in the pantry. The freezer thing is safer, just fyi... :) I eat dark chocolate EVERY day. In moderation.
*hot tea - my current fave is apple cinnamon, but I also love peppermint and lemon and earl grey and berry flavored. tea is the bomb. And since I don't do artificial sweeteners, I take the 15-30 calories (one or two teaspoons) of real sugar and its perfect for me.
*hot cocoa - when I don't have the calories left for a piece of dark chocolate but really want something chocolate-y.

So there you have it - a list of some of my personal food guidelines and the foods I eat. Scroll down and I'll give you the recipe I made up for my Chicken and Spinach Enchiladas. I'll get a picture with the next recipe but trust me - these are yum.

Happy Eating!

Clara

Clara's Chicken & Spinach Enchiladas

Ingredients:
3 Chicken breasts, boneless & skinless
1 can plain tomato sauce
1 onion, diced
1 packet taco seasoning (working on making my own but in the meantime...)

2 cups fresh spinach
6-8 tortillas (depends on how full you want them)
1 can green enchilada sauce
1.5 cups shredded cheddar (we like sharp)
Light Sour Cream

In the morning place the first 4 ingredients into the slow cooker and cook on low for at least 4 hours. Preheat oven to 375. Spray down a glass casserole dish with cooking spray. Shred the chicken in the slow cooker and mix up well. Shred the fresh spinach and mix into the chicken mixture. Spoon the mixture into a tortilla, roll it up and put the open side down into the dish. Line them up in the pan. Pour the can of enchilada sauce evenly over the enchiladas, then add the cheese evenly over it all. Bake for 20-25 minutes. Serve with a dollop of light sour cream. You can add chicken and tortillas if you have more people to feed than I do (just me, my hubby and my 7 year old girl). We love leftovers, so I always make things that have around 6 servings in them.

Nutritional Info

	Fat: 18.2g
	Carbohydrates: 25.2g
	Calories:405.5
	Protein: 34.4g

Number of Servings: 6

It's Not Just About MY Blueprint...

2011-02-05T19:48:00.002-06:00

Hey out there!

So, tonight's post was going to focus on food...what I eat, what I try to avoid, etc. I promise to cover that in my next post (probably tomorrow night). In the meantime, some other shiny thing has caught my attention and captivated it completely. My heart is full.

When I began this journey, it was truly all about me (all that woo, folks). I was teetering on the edge of giving up, giving in and gaining the 30 pounds I had lost back. Sitting there with an injury with nothing but time on my hands, I knew I had to do something. I needed this blog in order to work through issues, be accountable and interact with people out there in the world. So I could pass my experiences on to them as well as learn from theirs.

There has been a shift - and its not a bad shift, but its no longer just about me. I feel responsible to put posts out here as I have several friends I am "helping" with their healthy lifestyle changes and I want to answer their questions and keep sharing my tribal knowledge. This isn't a bad thing at all. I'm flat blown away by the comments, emails and messages on Facebook that I get from friends and friends of friends who all have questions or just want to pick my brain. I'm so beginning to realize this isn't just about me. And I'm humbled and amazed by that thought.

The healthy lifestyle has affected my family as well. A few weeks ago my 7 year old little girl was making herself a ham and cheese sandwich. I watched in quiet amazement as she pulled out the raw spinach and piled it on her sandwich. Today at the grocery store, she begged me to buy squash to cook for her sometime this week. (which I did of course). These things would NEVER have happened before I began to get healthy. She was a nuggets/fries kind of girl. Who could blame her? My menu when I was pregnant with her consisted of chicken biscuits, chicken sandwiches and more chicken sandwiches (all fried of course) and fries were my best friend. I'm blown away by her beginning to prefer healthy foods. Her blueprint will be forever changed because of this. I doubt with these habits she will ever battle her weight like I did through most of my childhood and adult life.

My husband of almost 11 years is 6 feet tall and weighed 185 when I started this. He's now in the low 170s and he isn't even getting regular exercise. In a year he dropped 12 pounds just by eating more like me. He is supportive and will at least try everything I cook and doesn't insist on bringing crappy food into the house. He still doesn't love peas or brussel sprouts but he tolerates them. Last week I went to dinner with some friends and he made eggs and sausage for him and Elizabeth for dinner. And he mixed raw spinach in with the eggs (without my instruction). WOW. His blueprint is improved as well.

So its like a domino effect. You may think its only you who needs fixing. But even if the people around you don't necessarily have a weight problem, it doesn't mean they are healthy. And super sizing that meal really isn't good for anyone of any weight. {Bleh. The thought of it nauseates me.} I know plenty of skinny people who are not healthy. Or naturally thin people who could not keep up with me and my activity. If you make decisions to change your own life, you will be helping your spouse, children and friends to do the same. And you may help people you don't even know that well. :)

And like the pay it forward concept it will continue to spiral in a good way. That is why I get so much out of this blogging. To pay it forward as I have been blessed with friends, information and circumstances that have allowed me to come this far. It would be terribly selfish for me to want to keep it all to myself. And that's just not my style.

I can't tell you how excited I get when someone sends me a message that says "ok, I'm ready to get healthy." Some want to float ideas by me, some want to know how to get started. I'm getting good at my spiel now. At this point, the volume is such that I can handle it with a few message, phone conversations, etc. At some point, I would love to be a healthy lifestyle coach for real. I've always thought I could be a life coach. But for now (and as long as I can't afford to be self-insured - lol) I get very excited about helping others and am happy to do it.

So a little all over the place, but you get the point. Its no longer just about me. That's pretty awesome. Does it mean I don't need to be accountable? Heck no! I need to be more than ever if I'm going to finish these last 40 pounds off.

And I will.

And you'll be here to cheer me on.

And when you're ready, I'll be here to cheer you on as well.

Holla!

Clara

80 Pounds GONE FOREVER!

2011-02-01T21:47:00.001-06:00

Today I'm celebrating a great milestone.

I've officially lost 80 pounds (80.2 to be exact)! That is 20/4lb bags of sugar! Or 8/10lb bowling balls.

Along with that 80 pounds lost, I've also lost 70 inches. Did you hear that? 70. So for every 10 pounds I lost almost 10 inches. That's alot of FAT. GONE FOREVER!

So today I weigh 204.8. I started at 285. Man, that feels good to be able to say.

I remember being 285 and wondering if I would ever see 270, or 250, or 225, or dare I dream of 219?

And today I can literally almost see 199.

199! Wow.

Wherever you are today, right now, in this moment, you can be somewhere better in a few months, a year. You can change your own blueprint, one small tweak at a time. It's not only possible, it becomes easy with time. Did I just say easy? Yeah, I meant it.

It is way easier for me to stay in control with my eating now, a year and a half into the journey. Why? Because I really genuinely like healthier foods now. I like the way they taste, the way they make me feel. I like the fuel they are for my athletic endeavors. And I didn't just cold turkey completely change my eating habits. I did it gradually. I made small changes. And then more changes, and then a few more changes. And I'm sure I'm not done tweaking!

I keep trying and finding new healthy foods I like. My "favorite foods" once consisted of chicken fingers slathered in some kind of sauce, typically honey mustard, because fried chicken on its own didn't have any flavor. It was just oily and fried. And I thought I loved it. It made me feel bloated, greasy and unhappy. I never felt comfortable unless I was completely stuffed to the gills. I didn't know what "full and satisfied" was. I was just so afraid of hunger that I didn't allow myself to get hungry even a little bit.

Today, hunger isn't the norm, I eat when I'm hungry, but that is just the point - I eat when I'm hungry. I don't eat because it is 11am, I eat because its time for lunch, according to my tummy growling.

Does it mean you won't ever catch me noshing or snacking for no reason? Of course not. I had my share (and yours) of dark chocolate today. There are days like that. But of all things to have a few ounces of, that's a good choice.

I no longer crave the fried chicken fingers. I like a piece of fried chicken every now and then (and when it's $1 at work - lol). But I don't typically crave it and when given the choice, I ALWAYS choose grilled.

And every time I make that choice, I feel more empowered and in control. And able to make the choice again and again. And I feel good about the choice. I no longer regret my food. I don't hate myself for making bad choices. Because most of my choices are really really good.

A healthy lifestyle works, my friends. I'm living it. And in 39.8 pounds I will reach my goal weight. I'm 2/3 of the way done with my weight loss. So I sort of know what I'm talking about here.

Enough ranting for tonight - going to get a good night's sleep so I can get an early start on that next 40 pounds!

~Clara

100th Post!

2011-01-30T17:55:00.000-06:00

Wow, so today when I logged in to blog, I realized that this will be my 100th post! How awesome! I started blogging last February when I sustained a bad sprain/avulsion fracture to my left ankle. I started blogging so I would not gain back the 30 pounds I had lost at that point even though all activity had to stop. I needed to stay accountable and really get underneath how I let myself reach 285 pounds in the first place.

And boy, did I ever.

I'm so satisfied with where I am right now. Not that I think I've arrived in any way, don't get me wrong. I still see plenty of chiseling left to do off of my figure. To the tune of about 40 pounds actually. Nevertheless, I am very excited about how far I have come.

And how not only did I not gain back the 30 pounds when I got injured.

But I lost another 50 pounds.

And not only did I go on to run one 5k race in 2010 as I had planned.

But I ran 4 races.

So 2011 is going to have a similar theme here. I don't think I've put my goals out there specifically for everyone to see, so this will be the first time on the world wide web. Brace yourself.

Here are the goals I set in August 2009 when I began my journey:

1) The 50 pounds lost mark = 235 pounds = achieved
2) My Pre-pregnancy weight = 214 pounds = achieved
3) Under 200 = 199 pounds
4) Wedding Weight = 180 pounds
5) GOAL Weight = 165 pounds

As you can see, I've achieved 2 of the 5 weight loss goals on here. I'm oh so close to achieving Goal #3 as well...should happen sometime in early February.

You may be looking at my #5 thinking, man, 165 is still alot, pretty heavy actually. Well, guess what? Some Belgian dude between the years 1830 and 1850 made the BMI chart up. And he is not going to determine my ending weight. One thing I refuse to do is sacrifice athleticism or muscle to be "skinny." I'm interested in being fit. And healthy. And a great athlete and runner. Not skinny.

Really, the main issue I have is that the BMI chart does not take into consideration frame size and muscularity (per Wikipedia).

I did find a chart that says for my height, with a large frame, I should weigh between 140-159. That's the closest anyone will get to what I plan to weigh. I'm 5'6" tall and have a heavy/large frame.

I have discussed this with my dietitian (who happens to be my best friend since we were babies) and told her my thoughts on it. She's definitely thin or skinny herself and I know she'd be honest with me if she felt differently about what a healthy weight would be for me. We agreed on 165 and will reassess once I get there. It might be that my body settles at 170 and I feel good and my body fat percentage is in the normal range. Or, my body may go down to 155 and settle there. Who knows?

The last time I weighed under 180 I was starving myself, in high school. I was at 163 during that time. I have no idea what an athletic, fit and healthy 163 might look like.

So that rant to explain why I have a goal weight that might be the starting weight for some of you or even above it. ha! The point is that we are all individuals and God made our bodies shaped differently. It's up to us to make ourselves as healthy as possible, but realizing that we can't set our goals unrealistically.

Like its not realistic for me to want to weigh 120. I'd be setting myself up for failure (and health problems) if I even attempted that.

That was one of the problems I had with Weight Watchers back in the day. They use those antiquated charts and according to them I would *never* be a lifetime member unless I got down to 153. Why am I going to work hard if I would never go for free? Geez.

So there it is, my rant about my goals and where I want to be. I'm excited to head in that direction and achieve and possibly even exceed those weight loss goals this year.

I have a few other goals I've set for myself too - (remember these are just snippets, not fully written out goals that are SMART at this point.)

1) Improve 5k time - to under 35 minutes
2) Run a 10k sometime this year
3) Exercise 5-6 days/week
4) Continue healthy eating daily and continue to learn about nutrition and refine eating habits
5) Fit into a size 12!

What are your goals? How are you doing now that we are a month into the year?

Me? I'm doing great. I'm feeling good. And yesterday one of my friends gave me 4 pairs of pants - 2 size 14s (that I can wear but are a bit tight) and 2 size 12s that should fit when I reach goal #4. These were her post-partum clothes, but I don't care. She's a tall skinny friend and it made me feel good to get clothes from her. :)

Weigh in day tomorrow - will try to post the results tomorrow night!

~Clara

One-derland Bound...

2011-01-22T15:15:00.001-06:00

Happy Saturday! I hope everyone has had a good week. I've had a crazy active one!

I realized on Thursday that I had been getting tired all week. Wasn't sure why as I had been sleeping well...until I looked back and realized I had exercised for 8 days straight. My body really needed a rest day! So I took one, on Friday. And when I woke up to hear rain, I was glad it fell that way.

Oh - meant to share that I am now down 77.8 pounds! SOOO close to 80 pounds down...then another 6 and I'll be in ONE-DERLAND! I don't remember weighing under 200 pounds. It was long before I had Elizabeth, probably when I first got married even. Looking forward to seeing that 1 in the front again!

It did feel a tad weird not working out yesterday since I was on such a roll. But also good. And I had an AWESOME run this morning as a result. 3.39 miles, furthest since I was sick! With the warmup and cool down walk we did 4.25 miles. I'll take the 602 calorie burn, thank you very much. I felt awesome! Wonder if I can hit 4 next weekend? Hmmm... I did pick another race, at the end of February I found one in DFS of all places (the town I work in). I'm excited about having a race to look forward to. I am also slowly working my way back up to my 10k training (remember I stopped due to achilles tendon pain - now I stretch more regularly which is imperative!). My goal is to run a 10k sometime this year...I'd better hurry up and pick one and sign up for it. I'll do that this afternoon.

I feel so much better on the days I exercise. Like I have tons of energy. I've done several loads of laundry, cleaned up the kitchen, organized the dining room table (the catch all in my house) and plan to do more. I just have energy. Exercise is cyclical like that. Once you get past the "UGH" and get started, the energy you get from it gives you the energy to do it. Good use of your time.

I've had alot of questions lately from people who want to get started on a healthier lifestyle (or they tell me they want to go on a diet and I quickly talk them out of it - lol). In response to that, I wanted to go the top 10 things to put on your to-do list if you want to get started.

1) Don't call it a diet! As soon as you do there are all kinds of restrictions, remorse and just general unhappiness tied to it. Remember, you'll get grumpy, kick the dog, yell at your spouse and cast wolf like stares at your kids lunches. Call it a healthy lifestyle change. Weight loss will follow!

2) Make a list of healthy lifestyle changes. Make a list of what you want to change - like giving up soda, drinking enough water, cutting back on fried foods, etc. Then sort the list by priority.

3) Don't make all the changes at once! If you told me how I would eat now, back in August of 2009 when I started I would have told you "um, no thanks!" The changes had to be gradual. Then it is less of a diety mentality for you and your family.

4) Set SMART goals. Look back on my post of smart goals by clicking here. That post has everything you need to think about when setting goals. Decide which changes you want to make first, and go for it!

5) Find an accountability partner. Now I have many of them - but when I started out I had one person, my friend Barb, that I talked to every week. Barb was already living a healthy lifestyle and really helped me stay on track, tweak my goals and cheer me on. This person cannot be the one you share a cubicle with at work that eats twinkies 3 times a day, ok? It needs to be someone either living a healthier lifestyle than you, or putting as much effort forth as you...and someone that if they fall off the wagon and digress, it won't pull you down. I don't get to talk to Barb as much as I used to, so I have several friends I talk to, a few who are working toward a healthier lifestyle but haven't been at it as long as me - but it helps me just as much to talk to them and at this point I'm not as much of a wagon-jumping risk as I was at first. It's all about support.

6) Find a way to track calories, exercise, etc. I use SparkPeople and absolutely LOVE it! It has options to put in your goal weight, how long you want it to take (be realistic here) and then places to track your food daily as well as exercise. They will also hook you up with an eating plan if you like being told what to eat (I don't - but it works for some!). There are also TONs of awesome recipes on the site, as well as a recipe calculator, where you can enter the foods you make at home and it calculates the nutrition facts for you so it makes it super simple to track your favorite things to eat. There are also great support groups there - I belong to "The Weight is Over" and we do monthly Biggest Loser challenges which is encouraging and fun. OH - and its all FREE!

7) DECIDE you are going to be successful. Some of my more regular readers may be so over me talking about how important it is to decide. Check out the blog I did at the beginning of this month about the difference between decisions and resolutions by clicking here. Set yourself up for success by making a plan for your food, not just your lunches in or outside the home, but also your dinners! Purchase healthy foods from the grocery store, and have a plan for every bit of food you buy. You waste less money on tossing out rotten food, and you don't have unnecessary temptation in the house. If you don't know if you'll eat it or not, don't buy it!

8) Enjoy certain indulgences. It is so important not to say "today I'm starting to eat better so I'll never have x or y again." Um, that will last 5 minutes if you are strong willed like me. :) I found that I didn't really like some of the things I used to like. Like french fries. I don't at all prefer them. If that is all that is there, I might have a few, but I don't really like them at all. I do really like sweet potato fries so I indulge in those every now and then - they are a super food (sweet potato) but they are fried, so again, I consider them an indulgence. I also eat chocolate every single day - DARK chocolate. If you don't like it, consider trying to like it - because it is also a superfood. VERY important here - remember with any indulgence is to limit yourself to a certain amount. I don't eat an entire candy bar each day. But I do keep a large one in my cabinet and I break off a piece each night. Or, I take a bag of dark chocolate hershey kisses and put them in the freezer - so I eat 3 at a time (1/3 of a serving = 60 calories). I try to keep it under 100 calories a day for indulgences.

9) Eat as many super foods as possible. Super foods are great not just for losing weight, but also for potentially preventing cancer, lowering cholesterol and the risk of heart disease. For a good list of some super foods, click here. Pretty much any richly colored fruit or vegetable will fall on the list for one reason or another. The more of these foods you eat, the less "junk" or "non-food" you can eat. You'll be too full from the super foods!

10) Get Active. Find something you might like to do. It might surprise you. I started just by walking. I never thought I would be a runner but today I am! I liked Tae Bo - now I do Zumba which I swore I would never do (one glimpse of myself doing jumping jacks one time told me I did not want to subject anyone else to that visual - but 30 pounds later and no mirrors in the place we Zumba, and I'm good with it). I met a girl recently who has lost 200 pounds just by walking. So don't set a crazy goal like you're going to start cycling 20 miles a day if you haven't been on a bike in 10 years. Do what you can - do what is reasonable - but do something. Just get moving. At least 4 days a week, but 5 is preferable. Now I'm not saying to do weight training every day - or even to run every day. But anyone can walk 5 times a week and it will not hurt you (and here's the disclaimer - see your doctor before beginning any plan of any sort, ok?)

In my next post I'll share with you some of the foods I eat regularly - as long as you promise not to cold turkey change everything you eat to match what I eat, ok? It needs to be gradual. But for now, its OK to back away from the french fries. :) Really.

Be well!
Clara

What Motivates Me? And other related questions...

2011-01-17T21:14:00.000-06:00

So I had a very active weekend! Friday I did a good power sculpt (biggest loser) workout, and then Friday afternoon took a 2 mile walk with my little girl and puppy. Then Saturday morning had an incredible run, just over 3 miles and it felt AWESOME. First time I have hit that distance since I got sick in December! Sunday morning I woke up and did a Last Chance Workout (holy tater-eye it was tough) and then in the afternoon took another 2 mile walk with my family. Then tonight, Zumba, and man it beat me up - in a good way. So, I'm officially on a crazy workout roll and it feels GREAT. Pumped for a great run in the morning. I usually try to do speedwork the morning after Zumba since my legs are sore. Unless I feel fantastic during my first 10 mins...then I might keep going!

Someone said to me today, "I wish I was as motivated as you." You know, I don't think I'm all that motivated. Am I? Well, ok, maybe I am. But what is it that is keeping me going? Why have I figured it out and other people can't get there? I have the answers to the first question right off.

What motivates me?

1) My health. I have completely changed my physical blueprint. When I started this journey, my "real age" was 42 (I was 29). Now my "real age" is 29 (I'm 31) based on my eating, exercise habits and current bloodwork. I feel like a healthy person. Feeling this good motivates me.

2) My family. I am a better wife, mom, sister, daughter, friend, co-worker, you name it, since I've changed my habits. My family motivates me by cheering me on. My 7 year old gets excited when I lose weight. {side note, I'm being careful about not letting her start weighing daily or get too interested in losing weight - those issues start early! We focus on being healthy and "just right."}.

3) YOU. That's right, I said it. If you are reading this blog, you motivate me. Whether you realize it or not. Since I'm still *on* the journey, I need to know that others are learning from my challenges and triumphs. For every email, facebook message, or phone call I get where someone is telling me they added vegetables to their tacos, started running or set some SMART goals, I have confirmation that sharing my journey is worth it. This is quite possibly the biggest motivator for me.

So that is why I'm so motivated, the quick version. It's not because the scale moves as quickly as I would like. No way. If the scale was my only motivation I would never have made it this far. The scale is a result of the lifestyle changes. And sometimes (like right now darnit) it decides not to move. For awhile.

And these are the times you have to stay focused and motivated. It would be so easy to turn back, even now. I will always have an addiction to food. There will always be certain foods that can undo a great week (like chocolate chip cookies, not the crunchy kind, the fresh baked kind). But I like so many more healthy foods now than I ever did that I could also say it would be equally as hard to turn back completely.

So the other question was "why have I figured it out and others can't get there?"

The answer is one word. Decision.

Making the decision to change your lifestyle is all that stands between you and where I am. Deciding is the hardest part. But once you are fed up with feeling bad, nothing in your closet fitting, your feet getting too fat for your shoes, not being able to buckle your airplane seatbelt, sweating just by standing there...you can get to that point of decision.

And once you are there, turning back is not an option.

A few times, sure, I've been frustrated. Tired of "watching" what I eat. Its those times that I back off of being diety, up my activity and let the pounds come off on their own. Then I tighten back up and start keeping track of everything again until I am losing regularly. That is what works for me.

But it all started with a decision.

So are you there yet? Have you decided? If you aren't sure, read back a few posts. And let me know if I can help you get there.

In the meantime, I'm going to bed. Sleep is vital if I'm going to rock a good run in the morning.

Gnight!
~Clara

The Importance of Reflection

2011-01-12T21:37:00.001-06:00

I'm starting to realize that sometimes the best way to move forward is to look back. Once you see how far you are from where you started, turning back is not an option.

Hence today's post.

So I'm a huge fan of the Biggest Loser show. When I weighed 285 pounds I longed to be a contestant, and I started watching it during season 8. My dad DVR'd a bunch of episodes for me for when I would come to town for work. We don't have cable at our house (gasp) and haven't for about 6 years, so I watch it on hulu.com usually a week after the episodes air. I try not to pay attention to the talk in the media about the results in the meantime so I can be surprised but I never get to see the winner unfold without having heard who won. :)

It's not your average reality tv show. Sure, there are prizes, and there is some immaturity here and there, but for the most part, everyone on there has a vested interest in changing their blueprint and man do they work hard. I dig that. And I have so been there.

Tonight I watched what I think was last week's episode - though it may have been this week's and hulu is just putting them out there sooner - not sure. Anyway, I was moved to tears several times. Not just because of their plights but because of the comparison to my own.

When I first started watching that show I could have been a contestant.

Today, it would be harder to qualify since I only have around 40 pounds left to lose. I used to weigh more than most of the female contestants. Now I weigh less than all of them (for now - I'd better get cracking cuz they are gonna catch up!).

I can so empathize with the contestants and how it feels to be morbidly obese. Some of them have longer roads ahead of them than I had...but they have so much determination. This is going to be some season.

I noticed during the first weigh in that all the contestants were sweating...just from standing there waiting to weigh in. I so remember that. Sweat pouring down my back while I was in line at the grocery store, or pumping gas, or walking between buildings at work and we aren't talking about the middle of July.

This winter I'm the coldest I've ever felt. Sort of miss some of that padding. For about 5 seconds. Then I remember that I'd rather be cold and feel as alive as I do today, than be warm and dying.

Oh and the strange anatomical anomalies you face when you become morbidly obese. I remember the day I discovered the "hump." It was a sad day. I visited my doctor with a severe cold and ear infection in January of 2009. She was examining me and said, "look at what you've done to yourself." She pointed out the stretch marks on my arms and the fatty hump lodged on the back of my neck, top of my back. I asked her what it was. "The fat is running out of places to deposit. So it has created a hump here." She poked it. I couldn't really be upset with her. She was completely telling me the truth. So there I was, 29 years old, morbidly obese with a hump on my back. I didn't wear my hair in a ponytail for a long time. (which is tough in Florida) I was immediately mortified and embarrassed.

Then there was the last flight I had on an airplane in 2009. The connection flights are often smaller airplanes. Smaller airplanes means smaller seatbelts. There was an obese woman a few rows ahead of me who asked for a "seatbelt extender." This is an extra piece of seatbelt you fasten to yours so that you can actually buckle your seatbelt. I was mortified. I could not, no way buckle the seatbelt. So I hid it under my shirt and prayed we didn't crash.

Life or death, folks.

Pretty sure I could buckle that seatbelt today. 13 inches off your waist and 13 inches off your hips will do that...

My hands are thinner. My feet are thinner (some shoes are too big now). The fatty hump on the back of my neck is a distant, albeit horrifying memory.

Can you understand why this moves me to tears?

Are you reading it and saying, "I want that to be me!" It totally can be.

I had a friend in my office today pondering over my "before" picture and she said she couldn't get over how that was really me in those pictures. She said it isn't just your body that's changed, you look like a completely different person. She told me, you have huge brown eyes and in those before pictures, you just don't see them. I'm finally seeing me again. And so are you.

It's like carving something out of stone. I started out as a big hunk of morbidly obese stone and I am slowly sculpting my way to what my body shape will be.

My posts have all been pretty focused so far this year so I was due for a pondering, random post. I think it shows the importance of reflection. Taking time to see where you have been and all you have accomplished. Reminding yourself even when you are having a kind of blah week how far you have come and that the journey will keep on going.

I've lived the pain that those contestants felt before joining the cast of the Biggest Loser. I think that is why I can help. And why I feel so compelled to as I sit here with tears in my eyes.

Let me know if I can help you. OK? ok.

~Clara